ALL ABOUT NICK

We Got Married! " Khuntoria "

2012-02-11T02:08:00.000-08:00

Sat, 11 Feb 2012 - 6.09 pm

Unknowingly became a fan of 2PM, I actually stumbled across a reality TV show called " We Got Married " which features virtual couple, Nichkhun of 2PM and Victoria of f(x), in the end of Season 2 and beginning of Season 3. Since I have all the time in the world, I figure I would absolutely enjoy watching since both of them are so beautiful and I actually found videos with English subtitles.

This popular South Korean variety show pairs up Korean celebrities to show how life would be when they actually get married with each other. Each week, they will be given missions to fulfill, with candid interviews of the participants to reveal their thoughts and sentiments.

When I first watched Episode 1, I find it kinda silly because both of them claimed to have got married upon their first meeting and they had to acknowledged each other right away, which is so awkward. I mean, I can't believe that they actually have such concept to pair up random celebs and play as a married couple! Isn't that too bold? Won't they get hurt in the end or risks falling in love? However, it's really really funny especially the commentators and the Khuntoria couple really look stunning together so I decided to continue watching.

As the series progressed, it really brings a sense of warmth and jealousy in me and I really felt that I was there to witness their love for each other grow - how touching it was when they had events to surprise each other or how funny it was when they said cheesy lines to cheer each other up; they totally trigger my emotions.

Video of ' Nu ABO' by Director Khun:

Relive KhunToria's very own 'Nu ABO' MV

Video of Dance Performance by Khuntoria at MBC Gayo Daejun:

KhunToria's special stage from MBC Gayo Daejun!

When I watched the last episode, I actually teared a little. How could anyone not after witnessing their memorable experience together as a couple? The 9 dishes for Nichkhun's birthday, visit Nichkhun's family at Thailand, surprise concert after 2PM's commercial, dance together at a major stage, proposal at the bus, wedding ceremony, surprise after 2PM's concert at Busan, baseball game, trip and work experience at Maldives and so many more! I'm seriously gonna miss this couple from the bottom of my heart...

Though some scenes might be scripted for entertainment purposes, but this is one of those times where common sense don't seem to matter. Haha. I'm just overwhelmed by the chemistry they had, because I genuinely can see and feel that they like each other. I mean, of course they must have, after sharing so many beautiful moments together.

Like many Khuntorians out there, I wish they could remain a couple for real because they seem to really complement each other very well in many aspects. And yes, they were so sweet and cute! Indeed, the Dream couple that makes every single person on Earth jealous! Whatever it is, I'll always be a Khuntoria fan!

KHUNTORIA! FIGHTING!

K-pop Fever

2012-02-06T07:49:00.001-08:00

Mon, 6 Feb 2012 - 11.26 p.m.

I'm starting to find myself particularly interested in K-pop recently. Honestly, it's a rather bizarre confession to make because I never liked K-pop in the beginning. The main barrier was the Korean language, which I don't understand. I am of the opinion that the lyrics is a pertinent factor that allows a person to be emotionally engaged into the performance. Though there are translations, but...it just lack that IT factor that makes you go 'WOW!'

However, I totally changed my mind after listening to Hyun Bin's That Man from Secret Garden OST. Despite not knowing what he is singing, but when the song is played along in a touching scene, I felt so moved and I was literally brought to tears. The sincerity portrayed through his voice and also the melody enhance that particularly scene and I had this strong sense of awe.

My liking for K-pop began to mount when I happen to listen to Secret's Love is Move on 8tv. The song was so catchy it made me dance to it! This led me to search more about Secret, which made me a fan of this girl group. It's from this point on that I begin to develop interest in K-pop.

Love is Move :

And I suppose there isn't any reason not to like the Korean celebrities considering how great they look, which makes it seemingly acceptable for people to go head over heels. As for me, I'm not exactly crazy over them yet to an extent of following them on Twitter or buy their posters, but I find 2PM a particularly gorgeous and stylish boy band where they seem to "inspire" me in grooming and fashion.

I suppose I don't mind going plastic if I can look enticing like Nichkhun Horvejkul. Hahahahahaha!

All-in-all, the Korean Wave is ready to dominate the world! Brace yourself! =P

Shift into 2012

2012-01-21T10:51:00.000-08:00

Sun, 22 Jan 2012 - 2.52 a.m.

I am finally back to blogging and it feels so awkward because I can't believe my last post was last June 2011! Too much had happened since then; the ups and downs I had and the change it brings forth on me. I wish I have the ability to describe everything all over again, but my sentiments on those experiences no longer feel as strong as it should be so I don't wish to post for the sake of matching the timeline of my blog posts. Do forgive me please, my dear faithful readers ( if there are any left ). Haha.

2012 will definitely be a challenging year considering I'm actually attending a university! That means farewell SMI and even my city, Ipoh. Things are going to be so very different and I don't know what to feel. Nonetheless, knowing this is an inevitable decision that I have to endure and accept allows me to be more optimistic.

As for now, I'm still lazing at home doing nothing important. Lol. I will probably get a job when Chinese New Year is over or after getting my STPM results, hopefully, if mum stops urging me to find a job. I still wanna enjoy life and stay away from routines!!!

Meanwhile, here is to wishing all my Chinese friends...

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR!

GONG XI FA CAI!

My Wish 2011

2011-05-31T22:07:00.001-07:00

1 June 2011 - 4.56 p.m.

One more day to go....

One more day before I turn 19!

When I was a kid, I always loved Birthdays because it made me feel as if that day belongs to me; it is MY day. It allows me to be the center of attention which makes me feel significant in the hearts of everyone I know. Then, I always have the privilege to choose my presents and cake. After savoring exquisitely expensive dinners, there's the cake cutting ceremony where my family would sing the Birthday song and I get to make a wish before I blew the candles. Every time when they started to sing, I realized I just can't stop smiling. I think I must look really horrible with my mouth totally left wide open. Yes, and the wish! I would allocate a week before my official birthday just to figure the absolute appropriate wish for the year. But, every time, it was always about academic excellence. Haha.

Don't get me wrong. I still love Birthdays, but somehow it doesn't seem to be the most anticipated event of the year. Probably because I kinda hate the fact that it plays a role of an aging indicator. Think of the number of candles on the cake. One large candle and NINE small candles! Lol. And I guess I have reached the age where self-contentment is much harder to fulfill. Nevertheless, I'm glad the tradition of eating cake and having dinner at fancy restaurants still remain the same. And the wish.... I do still ponder for a week or two before the big day. Does that imply that I'm still very much a kid at heart?

Well this year, my Birthday would seem a little dull. I had to go school in the morning for the prefect's interview and attend Maths tuition in the evening. Usually I would spend time visiting shopping malls alone or with my mum, but I suppose I don't have the time for that this year. If it was me a few years ago, I would be crying when I know I had such dull schedule to follow on my Birthday but no, I'm a grown up now. It is a little frustrating, but I can put up to that. I don't have any better plans anyway.

Now, my birthday wish. I'd wish to share it with everybody because I never believed in the "If-I-tell-you-my-wish-it-will-never-come true" myth and it'd serve as a pretty good motivation for me.

This year.....

I WISH FOR THE INNER STRENGTH WHICH PROPELS ME TO GO THE DISTANCE.

I guess one of the many advantages of being an educated person is the ability to play with words. Haha.

I really need the inner strength. My lack of confidence and sense of negativity seems to be a barrier for me to achieve greater heights in whatever I'm participating in. I don't want to spread negative energy and give an impression that I'm such a loser. I too can be good, I am caliber in executing my roles and I'm definitely much tougher than how I look.

I need the inner strength to help me let go and move on from unsuccessful friendships. Holding on is so painful and it fills my head as if my world revolves around that. I have to learn to let go because I have more important goals to meet.

I need the inner strength to hinder me from giving up in my studies. Though things are not looking good at this stage, but I know I still have time and I know I have what it takes to meet the expectations.

Gosh, I want the inner strength SO BADLY and I will.... I will go the distance!

Dear Northern star, please hear my call.. =)

June 2 Birthday Astrology

2011-05-16T03:26:00.000-07:00

Mon, 16 May 2011 - 6.33 p.m.

June 2 Birthday Astrology

by Jill M. Phillips

Geminis born June 2 live more through their emotions than their intellect. This may not be readily apparent since they are bright achievers with quiet personalities that discourage them from "opening up." They have a more serious disposition than many Geminis. They give the impression of being emotionally fragile but are strong-willed and independent.

Gemini Information
for June 2
You should embrace: Acts of daring, professional advice, adaptability

You should avoid: Doubts, constant criticism of yourself and others, gloating

Friends and Lovers

June 2 people are not interested in superficial relationships. They seek out friends who can share their need for emotional intimacy. They have an extremely romantic nature and are often disappointed in love. They may be reluctant to marry since it conflicts with their notion of a grand passion.

Children and Family

June 2 people find it hard to disassociate themselves from traumas experienced in their childhood. Because of their sensitivity, they often form close emotional ties with their own children. They are also sometimes overprotective of their offspring.

Health

June 2 natives are basically strong but can often find their health adversely affected by emotional issues. During such a time they may be bothered with headaches, digestive problems, and sleepiness. They tend to find solace in "comfort foods" if things go wrong. Fortunately, this rarely leads to being overweight since they have an active metabolism.

Career and Finances

Because of their quiet, introspective natures, June 2 individuals are attracted to occupations that allow them to use their intelligence and sensitivity. They do well as therapists, nurses, and veterinarians. They are apprehensive about handling money. Their eccentricities may include a dislike of banks or an unwillingness to deal in anything but cash transactions.

Dreams and Goals

June 2 people rarely disclose their personal goals to others. Generally modest in their desire for the obvious trappings of success, they have a desire to "fit in" because often feel like outsiders. They place considerable significance on their personal relationships; when these are successful, they enjoy a great sense of personal accomplishment.

Sad! I'm no longer a Gemini with the introduction of the 13th zodiac, Ophiucus. I'm now a Taurus, which sounds less glamorous to me, but I'm not too disappointed with it. Honestly, I do feel that I'm more of a Taurus than a Gemini.

Anyways, there are some truth in the above. So, what do you think??

Do give it a try! You have nothing to lose. =)

Source : ( http://entertainment.howstuffworks.com/june-2-birthday-astrology.htm )

Torn, Again

2011-05-03T08:34:00.001-07:00

Tues, 3 May 2011 - 11.34 p.m.

It had been months since I last posted something here. I did make several attempts to blog but I always gave up halfway because I'm not sure how to describe what happened during this couple of months. So much had occurred but there is one event which I just can't get rid out of my head. I tried to stop myself from mentioning that here knowing it might make matters worst, but I can't hold back anymore. It's like I wanted to talk about it without knowing how to describe the sentiments. The logic is to just not talk about it yet the urge and the temptation to express is there. Lol. Sorry for this. Guess I'm just being me, the emotional one.

Here I am, once again, torn into pieces....

It's really frustrating and depressing to know that I'm consciously repeating the same mistakes again and again. People say that we grow and learn from our mistakes but why don't I seem to show this normal tendency? More so, I've been through the hard way which by right should make me wiser when it comes to dealing with friendship matters. Yes, the same damn thing! At one stage, I find myself really pitiful knowing I indirectly begged for somebody to treat me better, again. Now, how miserable is that? It actually occurs to me that I'm being a beggar; a beggar who begs for attention.

Though we are fine now or what we called become 'normal', there is a part of me who still clings on the good times we share together ( or at least I thought there were good times ). I really miss the loyal companionship he provides. He ain't one of my closest buddies, but he definitely earns a significant spot in my social circle. I'm so reluctant to watch all this slip away despite knowing I don't have a choice. He had moved on and I should too...

I wonder why I'm always inclined to all these dramas. Am I being too stubborn and possessive? Perhaps I'm lonesome and I needed attention? Am I too dependent on friends? Maybe I'm taking friendship too seriously? All-in-all, I feel so insecure right now. I'm so tired of devoting my heart and soul and end up not getting treated mutually. So sick of seeing how people changed and move on.

I really envy people with best friends. Those who would stand by you when you needed a shoulder or simply to kill time with. Those who seem to acknowledge you and make you feel accepted. I suppose not everyone could be this lucky in life...

All Work and No Play

2011-01-28T01:09:00.000-08:00

Fri, 28 Jan 2011 - 9.47 pm

All work and no play makes Nick a dull boy.

Yes, life has been pretty much about work. Work in the aspect of being a student and a secretary of an active board. Truth to be told, I am really exhausted right now- mentally and physically. Juggling between these two roles really pushed me to the limits where the urge to become a full-time student arises, yet I have no choice but to manage my role as a student leader and is constantly presented with deadlines. This leads to a situation where they aren't any free time to play which means no chatting throughout the entire day, no blogging and no drama-manic mode.

So, I suppose I wouldn't update my blog often unless I have any major issues or sentiments to share which I yearn not. Hopefully people would still remember the existence of this blog in time to come.... Till then!

New Year Resolutions 2011

2011-01-01T06:30:00.000-08:00

Sat, 1 Jan 2011 - 10.31 pm

A brand new year brings a whole new chapter in life. Here are a few things that I wish to accomplish throughout the entire year:

1. Strive for the very best in education.

2011 marks my STPM year. OMG! It feels like deja vu all over again. Knowing STPM is totally on a different par when compared to SPM, I must be completely focus this time which means consistent revision daily, no excuses for procrastination and worst of all, less Hong Kong drama time! Frankly speaking, I'm actually aiming for CGPA 4.00 or more lovely known as 4 flat and a minimum of Band 5 upon first sitting in MUET. I suppose many would be laughing hysterically at this. Don't worry, I'm not on drugs when typing this.

Well, I figure that I must dare to dream for I know securing a CGPA 4.00 and Band 5 might be the only way for me to further my tertiary education in overseas. Not talking about UK, US or Australia, but Singapore or maybe, Canada will do just fine. It's never about the poor quality of universities in Malaysia, but I would really love to experience life in another country. Meanwhile, obtaining a CGPA 4.00 not only guarantees a place in local university, but also provide better chances to be granted the course desired.

Whatever the reason, I must attempt to achieve the best of the best!

2. Be optimistic in face of overwhelming odds

Ironically, I am inclined to face emotional conflicts prior to every major exam. Be it UPSR, PMR and SPM, there seems to be a trend. So, this is very freaky to me. I pray God to grant me sufficient perseverance, inner strength, positivity and wisdom to curb loneliness from lurking in my mind and soul so to avoid any unnecessary drama to occur.

Knowing I will have a tough time managing studies and secretarial work in Prefectorial Board next year, I wish for courage to brave the elements in times of hardship and remain positive despite the mounting stress of deadlines.

This would be one heck of a challenge for me, but I believe I can do it. I may look weak on the outside, but I never see myself as a weakling from the inside.

3. Be more daring to look current

I never find my lackadaisical attitude in self-grooming a big deal because I generally don't find myself attractive. However, I've decided to TRY and be a little bit more daring in fashion. Not because of my mum's rantings but I guess grooming is one good skill to adopt and for once, I would like people to view me as an 18 year old teenager who presumably should show boldness in terms of fashion sense. So, I suppose more trendy short pants and hair gel could serve as a good start.

In reiteration,

Strive for the very best in education.

Be optimistic in face of overwhelming odds

Be more daring to look current

HAPPY NEW YEAR fellow readers!

May you have an AWESOME POSSUM year ahead!

Journey's End 2010 : Part III

2010-12-30T06:27:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 30 Dec 2010 - 10.31 p.m.

The year 2010 marks the beginning of adulthood. It still feels kinda weird knowing I actually possess a driving license, eligible to watch a rated 18+ movie in theater, given a personal credit card, studying a Pre-University program and many more which I didn't exactly expect to experience.

I suppose the most apparent change that brings would be decision-making. Thinking back on how easy-going life was during primary and secondary education, I really wish everything now could be pre-decided for us. Making important decisions can be heart-wrenching for one decision could lead to a whole new path and there would be no second chances. For me, the cruelness and uncertainty of decision-making begins when I embark my journey in SMI again as a Form Six student.

In the beginning, I was thorn between Science Stream and Art Stream. The dilemma between the two had caused me countless of sleepless nights, knowing it might possibly be a life-changing factor. After much deliberation and careful thinking, I picked the norm. Then comes the subject package, which was between Biology and Computing. I actually picked both at different instances and after the introduction in Computing class, I picked the one I feel most compatible for me.

Truth is I always find it difficult not to wonder on how life could have been if I'm actually studying in Art Stream or remain in Computing class? Would life be less stressful? Would I totally hate the subjects? Well, I guess I will never find out. I can't say that I'm satisfy now, knowing I still can't find the passion towards Science and Mathematics. At times I feel so weird looking at people like Terence and Zhe Hong who clearly portrays their love towards Sciences. They get hyped up when they see apparatuses. They wish to know different names of species of animals. And I don't which at times, makes me feel sad because it seems to remind me that this is not where I belong. On the other hand, I no longer hate being in Science Stream and is actually very open in learning Sciences. I don't know what I'm saying, maybe I'm just trying too hard to find my identity.

The most notable decision made would be the whole class-switching thing. I'm so sorry for repeating this again and again which probably might hurt some feelings but this is undeniably the most regretful decision that I have made. I suppose I could never live behind this, I tried but I can't. It's not that the class isn't good, in fact I had a splendid time bonding with them but facing our batch of teachers can't help feeling like a roller coaster ride, which I find horrifying and uncomfortable. To make matters worst, we are given the worst classrooms-present and future to an extent I feel as if I'm very extra. I'm sure every member of S3 feels the same as I do.

Maybe I'm really not used to not being in a glamor class. I'm not trying to flaunt or degrade but all this while being in A2 and S2 makes me feel worthy. I did get 10As, opted for leadership posts in major boards, always aware of the rules and stay out of disciplinary problems. It's just so frustrating knowing that all I get in return is the worst batch of everything.

Ridiculous to request I know and all thanks to the decision I made. The one where I got a second chance and just gave up what might could have been better- being in S4. All I said was ' I decided not to' to Puan Tan Cheng Choo and I never could have imagined how tragic the outcome could be. There's nothing I could do now, knowing I made the decision and I should bear the consequences that brings. From this moment on, I would never let feelings overrule logic again!

Terence says maybe all this hardship would lead us to become better individuals and this is technically one of the reasons how I convince and talk myself out from drowning in these unnecessary embitterments.

" When the going gets tough, the tough gets going. "

" Be strong now for things will get better. It may be stormy now, but it can't rain forever. "

The year 2010 isn't that bad though despite my occurrences in school. I do see a lot of positive changes in my character and social network wise. It's been a pretty good year for my family too. Whatever it is, 2010 had been a very thought-provoking and enriching year with full of 'surprises'. That's how I would like to conclude the year 2010.... Haha.

Journey's End 2010 : Part II

2010-12-12T00:53:00.000-08:00

Sun, 12 Dec 2010 - 5.54 p.m.

Life In Lower Six

To me, Lower Six introduced a lot of external and internal changes which I find pretty overwhelming.

It began on a rough note when I was not sure of the stream to choose. I was so keen to change to Art Stream, but almost everyone thinks that I'm making a huge mistake because Art Stream subjects are in Malay Language and they find it a waste if I ended up in Arts, which is commonly downgraded by Malaysians. Then, I was stuck with the subject package, not knowing if I should pick Computing or Biology.

Mum always wanted me to become a doctor so she was quite down when I told her that I might consider Computing since it's a non-Science subject and I've already listened to her by opting for Science Stream. After a day in Computing class, I changed my mind after my dad talked to me when school ends.

I'm not sure how it goes but it was really heartfelt. I knew, at that very moment, I was making a huge mistake by choosing Computing because like what dad said, I'm closing down possible opportunities which I have the potential to venture. It's not that I like Biology in comparison but the path in which my subject combination can lead is practically wide and convincing.

Just when I thought I could finally settle down in LSS3 over these dilemmas, I realized my subject teachers are of total hopeless bunch. Not all, but some. And, knowing I was originally assigned to LSS4, the streamed best class for Biology class with better quality teachers made me feel not worthy. So, I went through several confrontations with Puan Tan Cheng Choo with my dad in hope to switch from LSS3 to LSS4.

Finally she decided to let me switch since the arrival of post-NS students sort of messed up their "strategic" class arrangements, I gave up the opportunity because at some point, I thought going for tuition itself could help and at that time, LSS4 was way ahead of us. So I gave up which I believe now is my biggest regret and something in which I could never let go and forgive myself.

Generally being in LSS3 was okay, I would say. It's not hard to bond and everyone knows each other. I think what really brings us together is the experience in facing the bittersweet occurrences. For example, having loads of fun and laughter during Mr. Rajan's 'enlightening' sessions and persevering Mr. Karu's hell-like daily classes. So, together we have been through thick and thin with a lot of memorable, common stories to share. Most importantly, I feel comfortable which serves as a conducive environment to study.

I was also presented with huge opportunities to govern authoritative positions in Prefectorial Board and Editorial Board, namely Honorary Secretary of Prefectorial Board and Secretary cum Co-Editor of Editorial Board. It is cool, of course, but this intermingling of stress and sense of achievement often drives me to the saturation point. At times, I would question if I'm over-estimating my capabilities to find balance between curriculum and co-curriculum but I persevered anyway because I know opportunities like this only comes once in a lifetime and I want to be somebody for once; somebody with the authority to make an impact and introduce changes. Well, I think I did quite well so far. Just need to show more commitment perhaps. And I believe it would look good in my curriculum vitae plus improved my character to the very least!

Journey's End 2010 : Part I

2010-12-07T05:36:00.000-08:00

Tues, 7 Dec 2010 - 9.50 p.m.

After reading several blogs, I knew I have to come up with a conclusive post for the year 2010. Sadly, I just fail to reminisce and recollect what happened in each respective months. Probably I should just refer my previous posts but somehow I chose not to at the very last minute. This is probably a good indicator to see the change in perception, in the sense of how I view a particular subject before and now.

So, this post will feature the general view of certain major and memorable events in 2010 into 3 parts: Post SPM life, Life in Lower 6 and Conclusion of the Year. This is exciting! Lol.

Post SPM Life

Let's see. The most interesting yet memorable experience after SPM would be my job in the beginning of the year.

Well, if my dad weren't the partner for the company, I would not have a chance to work there as an admin. There's a specific name for the post but I couldn't recall. OMG! Well, this job experience exposed me to the stark realities of life. Indeed a realistic exposure on how ugly humans can be in order to achieve their objectives.

I remember when I first govern the job, my colleagues sort of isolate me because I'm the only kid there and they suspect I'm on the boss' side because my dad is the business partner as mentioned. As time passed by, they totally hated me because I'm quite a slow learner and tend to make mistakes with the Streamyx registration portal ( a totally stupid and lame system which explains the inefficiency of Streamyx ).

When I finally manage to operate the system, many dramatic conflicts happened like how my colleague cried for getting fired and salesmen shouting at the boss. My relationship with my colleagues got better when they finally revealed that they no longer see me as the spy for the boss. Meanwhile, my impression towards the boss deter because he was being ridiculous. Phew... and the list goes on, getting more and more complicated like love affairs and scheming. Eventually, I was dying to quit the job so is my dad, who decided to resigned due to some financial disagreements with the boss.

All-in-all, it's too realistic of an experience or maybe, that's just how life is in this competitive world. In fact, this job experience made me realize how much I actually love to study. Haha. Well, that's my two months generally.

Of course, SPM results day was quite memorable too. I remember my dad shed tears when he knew I got straight As. I was so happy because I'm glad that I made him proud. Immediately after that, my friends and I headed to Jusco. Not sure how it goes after that, but I knew I had McDonalds for lunch and steamboat dinner at Moven Peak. Lol.

After receiving my SPM results, I was caught up with scholarship applications like everyone else. In the end, I was only shortlisted or selected for two interviews: Jabatan Perkhidmatan Awam ( JPA ) and The Star Education Fund for A-Levels at Brickfields Asia College, Kuala Lumpur.

I can't really remember how my JPA interview goes but I think it was sucky. As for The Star Education Fund, I actually traveled to the college itself for the interview. Dad and mum drove me there and it's like a interview cum trip for the day.

While waiting in the lounge, I met two guys from Johor. They are such nice people! We actually looked at each others' profiles and initiated quite an interesting chat. The interview was rather relaxed but I can tell that I will not get it judging from the interviewees' look. They told me that I have to accept the offer before the release of JPA results. Probably, they can read my mind.

Not forgetting, the education fairs. My friends and I visit every single booth in every single education fairs and asked the exact same questions which is quite hilarious at times because we have to pretend that the feedbacks received were very informative and enlightening, which in actual fact, had been told the same thing for the nth time. Lol.

Prefect's Leadership Training Camp

2010-11-26T00:38:00.000-08:00

Fri, 26 Nov 2010 - 4.49 p.m.

I had to be frank.

I actually find PLTC a great experience and it's not as bad as I had first imagined. The food is great, the sessions are great and most important of all, the people are great!

Of course, I'm not gonna be melodramatic and start saying things like 'My experience in LTC will forever be etched in my heart' or 'LTC is a life changing experience' but frankly speaking, I'm really glad my last PLTC turned out splendid. It's indeed a pleasure to be part of this program.

To my surprise, I get quite a lot of affirmation notes this year so I thank everyone for their effort. Some are cute, some are simple yet compact while some are genuine. Meanwhile, I sincerely apologize for not being able to affirm everyone considering I'm always lying on the bed or sleeping, as claimed by Jevin. Haha.

Generally, the sessions are thought-provoking while the activities brought us together. The soul and laughter throughout this 3 days 2 nights camp really makes me feel like family....

I have faith that together, the Prefectorial Board of term 2010/2011 can leave a legacy and make history.

In Search of the Rainbow

2010-11-08T08:34:00.000-08:00

Tues, 9 Nov 2010 - 4.16 p.m.

" Somewhere over the rainbow
Way up high,
There's a land that I heard of
Once in a lullaby. "

I remember what was my expectation in Lower Six - to determine which course to pursue in university. It's sad to reveal that I have yet to come up with a firm decision despite being in Lower Six for almost half a year...

Somehow, I seem to hesitate in making big decisions as such at this stage. This inferiority is an extension of my embittering experiences in the past, where people seem to doubt the decision I made and eventually, persuade me in changing my perception. And I would say my mum is the main contributor to this inferiority complex of mine. I suppose you would know why if you read my previous posts last year.

" Somewhere over the rainbow
Bluebirds fly.
Birds fly over the rainbow.
Why then, oh why can't I? "

However, an uplifting session with Mr Ravindran seem to help me regain my confidence again. Not that it was a one-to-one counseling session nor did he mention anything about finding the inner lost soul, but it's the whole load of facts on STPM that made me realize the importance of strategic planning. Perhaps there's truth when people say, " If you fail to plan, you plan to fail. " So, I knew I could not use my inferiority complex as an excuse anymore. I MUST determine the course I should pursue in university, hoping to set it as a goal in my pursuit of academic excellence.

Oh well, I figure my scope of prospective course has narrowed down which is a very good sign, with Medicine, Law and Accounting being the major options.

1. Medicine

Proposition:
- Mum's greatest desire for me
- A truly noble profession
- Stable; relatively good income
- Begins to like Chemistry and Biology ( I start to realise that entering Science Stream and choosing Biology is a wise choice made )
- People claim I have the doctor look ( Lol, every factor counts )

Opposition:
- Possess miserable psychomotor skills
- Does not show interest in healthcare ( I don't read materials regarding healthcare )
- Science still doesn't interests me
- Extremely difficult
- Very costly

2. Law ( Business Law )

Proposition:
- Finds it a very useful field of study
- Governs a wide field of job opportunities
- Platform for high income
- Non-Science and non-Mathematics related
- Appealing ( for no solid reason )

Opposition:
- People generally don't think I have what it takes ( including my parents )
- An introvert in nature
- Not outspoken and charismatic
- Not manipulative ( business world is cruel... )
- Depicted as a dark field ( my mum feels that law graduates are exposed to bribery )
- Currently don't find Pengajian Am interesting

3. Accounting

Proposition:
- Matches my personality
- Not an extremely difficult field of study
- High demand ( whenever there's business, there will be accounting )
- High salary

Opposition:
- Quite rigid; boring
- Doesn't like Mathematics ( including statistics )
- Dislike repetitive tasks

So, this is it! Do drop me comments on this, if any. I'd appreciate some help with this.

" Somewhere over the rainbow
Skies are blue,
And the dreams that you dare to dream
Really do come true... "

Love Is In The Air

2010-11-07T01:26:00.000-07:00

Sun, 7 Nov 2010 - 5.38 p.m.

When you are 18 and stuck in a co-ed school, adults generally have the impression that you are in the mood for first love. Indeed, they seem to be right about us.

I never knew school could be such a remarkable platform to generate love between the opposite sex. We started off as strangers to many, and the next thing you know, they just 'click' and began dating each other. Most claim to have a deep crush, trying to figure how and when to pop the question. Some may find themselves stuck in a love triangle, giving their very best to win the hearts of their loved ones. Many yearn to fall in love, hoping they would not be left out in a flock of lovebirds.

What do I think of love now?

I understand how it feels and why love seems to matter so much. Everyone wants to love and be loved. You need to know that someone will be there to catch you when you fall. You want someone to be there for you, without fail. You hope to find someone who could understand and support you when you feel insecure. One thing for sure, nobody wants to be lonely....

But I strongly feel that this ain't a right time to devote myself into something which requires a lot of commitment and I hardly find time to actually consider about this because it is tiresome enough to find the balance between school and personal time; what more love! To me, I don't think Form 6 is the right time to form any intimate relationships. Or, maybe I'm still a kid at heart. Lol. I want love but more to parents and friends kinda love. Not the boy-girl love, yet.....

I have to admit that I do have a crushes, but it lasted a day or two merely. Well, I'm not sure if I'm normal but I'm currently quite satisfy with the way I am. Somehow or rather, I feel kind of 'immune' to the opposite sex. Haha.

Maybe it's the fact that everyone view me as a feminine figure. And with the fact that I'm physically unattractive, I guess that's why I feel more open in making friends of every distinct character 'cause I'm not afraid of crossing the line. There are times when I feel inferior because I have the impression that people would laugh at me behind my back or when they tease me face to face. I do feel hurt. So yeah, I don't trust people easily. With that in mind, who on earth would love me? =(

Somehow I do feel that love relationships in school seems unrealistic. I mean, how to fall in love after knowing each other for a couple of months, without enduring hardship or share memorable and intimate moments together? How much do you actually know each other? Then again, maybe it's just me- the drama boy. So yeah, I never believe in love at first sight.

I think I revealed quite enough in one post though this could go on for a few more paragraphs. Well, I'd like to see more people in school fall in love. That way, I could get more personal juicy details for me to blackmail them. LOL, just joking!!

All-in-all, I hope they cherish every indelible moment spent together, with no regrets...

Thrilling Deepavali

2010-11-05T22:58:00.000-07:00

Sat, 6 Nov 2010 - 1.59 p.m.

My dad termed Deepavali Day a very busy day for Nicky. Well, that's undeniably true considering majority of my buddies are Indians and somehow they have open house every year. Trying to satisfy everyone's request, you'd find me juggling time between houses throughout the entire day.

This year, however, was slightly different. The day started out pretty rough where invitations and plans had to be canceled. First case, Ruben postponed his open house invitation to Saturday which technically means I couldn't attend because my mum would be using the car for work on that day. Second case, Monil's house was too challenging for me to journey, considering I'm suppose to drive there on my own. Third case, Chee Hoe's plan to eat steamboat together came crumbling down when Marjan can only depart from KL at 2.00 p.m. . Fourth case, Pavin's supposingly dinner invitation turned out an evening visit as I had a sudden plan for the night with my parents.

So, I started my journey at Ipoh Parade where I'm suppose to wait for Toh Jun to pick me up. When he finally arrives approximately half an hour later, we headed to the railway station to receive further directions from Pavin. Being two directionless dummies who claims to live in Ipoh since birth, we were totally lost in direction. We even reached Maxwell College despite his house being at Buntong. It was quite thrilling nevertheless; pity Toh Jun who is forced to drive during a heavy downpour.

We finally reached Pavin's house around an hour later, I suppose. Haha. 'Malu-fying' I'd say. Well, all we did was just chat, chat and chat there. But, it was okay I guess. It's good to have a great laugh with distant friends. Here are some pictures of me at Pavin's house:

Well, I'm 'camera-shy' in nature so that's about it. Lol.

When Toh Jun and I decided to bid farewell to Pavin and Aizuddin, Toh Jun realized that he forgot to turn off the lights which caused the car's battery to malfunction. After another hour of misery, Pavin's dad managed to solve the problem and the two of us head to Ipoh Parade in another heavy downpour.

Mum and dad was already waiting for me at the parking lot when I informed them earlier about Toh Jun's car condition. So, we drove home, dried myself and head to our next destination- 'Nga Choi Kai' at Buntong and Airport, located at De Garden.

So, we had dinner at Buntong with my dad's friends. I'm not a huge fan of 'Nga Choi Kai' seriously. The service there is also horrible. I almost sipped someone's tea due to my accumulated thirst for water! Then, we head to Airport at approximately 9.30 p.m. .

It was really awkward going there with a bunch of uncles seemingly the place is so IN and CURRENT. The theme was Deepavali of course, so all the dancers and singers were wearing Deepavali-affiliated clothes only in a much sexier way ( which means less cloth ). The place was designed to look like an airport where there are karaoke rooms of different country.

The drinks there were awfully expensive. My jaws literally dropped. Oh well, I bet if it hadn't been that rich friend of my dad's, I wouldn't have the chance to visit this place. My dad gave me the green light to drink whisky with coke seemingly it comes in a package. So yeah, mum kept giving me that ' you-know-it's-not-the-usual-coke-you-are-drinking ' kinda look. Haha!!

The songs there are current and the singers can really sing. Well, the surround system is awesome probably cause it really makes me feel like moving. But what surprises me most was when the dancers climbed on the speakers and start dancing ( more to shaking I'd say ). And the first thought that pops into my head was WOW and WILD. Mum says it's very common in KL, as in these booty shaking and this one is considered low profile.

So yeah, I tried my best to capture some good photos but as usual, I failed. Oh well, but I'm gonna post them anyway for remembrance because I seriously think that would be my frist and last visit. Lol.

We depart from the Airport at around 12.30 a.m.. I don't know but it actually feels awesome. Goodness gracious, my hormones are surging! OMG

So yeah, I would like to conclude my Deepavali Day with a Malay idiom: 'Bersusah-susah dahulu, bersenang-senang kemudian'! XD

Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature 11

2010-11-01T09:32:00.000-07:00

Tues, 2 Nov 2010 - 12.32 a.m.

Personally, I think this is a really good, uplifting piece to define what love actually is. Thumbs up!

What Actually Love Is

Why do we close our eyes when we sleep? When we cry?
When we imagine? When we kiss?
This is because the most beautiful things in
the world are unseen.

We are all a little weird and life’s a little weird
and when we find someone whose weirdness
is compatible with ours,
we join up with them and fall in
mutual weirdness and call it love.

There are things that we never want to let go of,
people we never want to leave behind,
but keep in mind that letting go isn’t the end of the world,
it’s the beginning of a new life.

Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance of the people
who have touched their lives.

A great love? It’s when you shed tears and still
you care for him,
it’s when he ignores you and still you long for him.
It’s when he begins to love another and yet you still smile
and say I’m happy for you.

If love fails, set yourself free,
let your heart spread its wings and fly again.
Remember you may find love and lose it, but when love dies,
you never have to die with it.

The strongest people are not those who always win
but those who stand back up when they fall.

Somehow along the course of life,
you learn about yourself and realize
there should never be regrets,
only a lifelong appreciation of the choices you’ve made.

A true friend understands when you say, I forgot,
waits forever when you say, just a minute,
stays when you say leave me alone,
opens the door even before you knock and says can I come in?

Loving is not how you forget but how you forgive,
not how you listen but how you understand,
not what you see but how you feel,
and not how you let go but how you hold on.

It’s more dangerous to weep inwardly rather than outwardly.
Outward tears can be wiped away while secret tears scar forever.

In love, very rarely do we win
but when love is true, even if you lose,
you still win just for having the tingle of loving someone
more than you love yourself.

There comes a time when we have to stop loving someone
not because that person has stopped loving us
but because we have found out
that they’d be happier if we let go.

It’s best to wait for the one you want than settle for one that’s available.
Best to wait for the one you love than one who is around.
Best to wait for the right one
because life is too short to waste on just someone.

Sometimes the one you love turns out to be the one who hurts you the most,
and sometimes the friend who takes you into his arms
and cries when you cry
turns out to be the love you never knew you wanted.

If you really love someone never let go,
don’t believe that letting go means that you love best,
instead fight for your love,
that’s what true love is.

Laugh to your heart’s content; you cannot go
through life without it.

Study break

2010-10-27T09:13:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 28 Oct 2010 - 12.13 a.m.

With the End Year Assessment finally ended, I suppose I could take this opportunity to take a short hiatus from revision and focus on completing Editorial Board affiliated matters now. On a fine note, things seem less taxing now and this is what I called a normal school life.

One word to describe my End Year Assessment- disappointing. I merely passed for most of my subjects, namely Mathematics T, Chemistry and Biology. Honestly, I presume the same for Pengajian Am. I know I should be satisfied, but I'm not because I genuinely feel that I could put in much more effort in accomplishing greater heights.

I don't want to make my sub-responsibilities as an excuse for me to be tardy. Something is awfully wrong. I was never so carefree when it comes to assessments. I didn't even execute proper revision for certain subjects as a matter of fact. I seriously need to sit down and ponder on this before the situation gets terminal. I'm suppose to live up to my ultimate goal in Form 6 - to strive unceasingly for academic excellence....

Then again, I don't want to push myself too much. At least, for now. Meanwhile, I'm coming up with revision strategies, with hope that it could do me some good. It's true when the teachers claim that we still live in the shadows of our Form 5-selves. I admit; I'm mentally-unprepared for Form 6. Still need a little more time to adapt into such intensive schedule of Form 6 life.

Okay, I'll cast aside whatever inhibitions I have momentarily until early November. Speaking of hiatus, my terminology of relax would include DRAMAS! Haha.

I am so thrilled to catch the newly released TVB drama, Rosy Business II: Righteous Sea of Heroic Love 2. I have watched 6 episodes so far and it's absolutely magnificent!

Here is an extracted review of the drama :

Rosy Business Righteous Sea of Heroic Love: Growing Flames, Chaotic Days
Release Date: October
Produce: Lee Tim Sing
Cast: Sheren Tang, Wayne Lai, Raymond Wong, Fala Chen, Pierre Ngo

Exclusive Perspective: Rosy Business Righteous Sea of Heroic Love inherits Rosy Business’ ending: the disputes in a large family, and male and female leads’ mutual support changing into delicate emotions, but in this drama, the character’s viewpoints are more intense. Wayne Lai and Sheren Tang begin with hypocritical co-operation to sharing difficulties together with good intentions, to the final break of battle of the wits between Sheren Tang and both Kara Hui and Nancy Wu. Fala Chen sacrifices herself at war for her family, Nancy Wu seeks security at troubled times, as well as Pierre Ngo and Sheren Tang’s wrong doings, all these conflicts are imminent. The story will have many twists and turns and aphorisms, the scriptwriter will create brilliant dialogues, coupled with producer Lee Tim Sing’s ability to render the atmosphere will fill the drama with sensations that will bring feelings of sympathy to the audience. Righteous Sea of Heroic Love will definitely continue Rosy Business’ success.

Such dark,tragic yet romantic plot never fails to captivate me. I suppose this would be my favorite drama, even surpassing Can't Buy Me Love, though that was equally brilliant in it's own way.Here is the theme song of the drama sang by Leo Ku :

I suppose I'm gonna blog more often during this hiatus so yeah, stay tuned! Lol. Though life in Form 6 is rigid and repetitive, but there are still plenty of views and sentiments that I wish to express and share. My concept on the blog has never changed since the very beginning I established this blog; it still brings me comfort- just the way I wanted it to be.

Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature 10

2010-10-11T09:10:00.000-07:00

Tues, 12 Oct 2010 - 12.10 a.m.

Awesome piece. Worth reading!

The 24 Interludes of Life

1. Don't go for looks, it can deceive; Don't go for
wealth - even that fades away. Go for someone who
makes you smile because only a smile makes a dark day
seem bright. Hope you find that person.

2. There are moments in life when you really miss
someone so much that you want to pick them from your
dreams and hug them for real! Hope you dream of that someone.

3. Dream what you want to dream; Go where you want to
go; Be what you want to be; because you have only
one life and one chance to do all the things you want in life.

4. May you have enough happiness to make you sweet,
enough trials to make you strong, enough sorrow
to keep you human, enough hope to make you happy,
and enough money to buy gifts!!

5. When one door of happiness closes, another opens
but often we look so long at the closed door that
we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

6. The best kind of friend is the one you could
sit with on a porch swing, never saying a word,
and then walk away feeling like that was the best
conversation you've ever had.

7. It's true that we don't know what we've got until
we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know
what we've been missing until it arrives.

8. Always put yourself in another's shoes. if you feel
that it hurts you, it probably does hurt that person, too.

9. A careless word may kindle strife; A cruel word
may wreck a life; A timely word may level stress;
A loving word may heal and bless.

10. The beginning of love is to let those we love be
perfectly themselves, and not twist them with our
own image - otherwise, we love only the reflection
of ourselves we find in them.

11. The happiest of people don't necessarily have the
best of everything; they just make the most of everything
that comes their way.

12. Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people
before meeting the right one so that when we finally
do meet the right person, we should know how to
be grateful for that gift.

13. It takes a minute to have a crush on someone, an
hour to like someone and a day to love someone -
but it takes a lifetime to forget someone.

14. Happiness lies for those who cry, those who hurt,
those who have searched and those who have tried.
For only they can appreciate the importance
of people who have touched their lives.

15. Love is when you take away the feeling, the
passion, the romance and you find out you still
care for that person.

16. A sad thing about life is that sometimes you meet
someone who means a lot to you only to find out
in the end that it was never bound to be and
you just have to let go.

17. Love starts with a smile, develops with a kiss
and ends with a tear.

18. Love comes to those who still hope even though
they've been disappointed; to those who still believe
even though they've been betrayed; to those
who still need love even though they've been hurt before.

19. It hurts to love someone and not be loved in
return, but what is the most painful is to love
someone and never finding the courage to let the
person know how you feel.

20. The brightest future will always be based on a
forgotten past, you can't go on well in life until you
let go of your past failures and heartaches.

21. Never say goodbye when you still want to try -
never give up when you still feel you can take it -
never say you don't love that person anymore when
you can't let go.

22. Giving someone all your love is never an assurance
that they'll love you back! Don't expect love
in return, just wait for it to grow in their hearts;
but if it doesn't, be content that it grew in yours.

23. There are things you love to hear but you would
never hear it from the person whom you would like
to hear it from, but don't be deaf to hear it from the
person who says it with his heart.

24. When you were born, you were crying and everyone
around you was smiling - live your life so that
when you die, you're smiling and everyone around
you is crying.

It's Just A Little Too Late

2010-10-11T06:47:00.000-07:00

Mon, 11 Oct 2010 - 9.57 p.m.

Free period in MUET today was thought-provoking. It was then that I found out that I caused so much discomfort to one of my friends. I was stunned when he confronted Nisanthi about the issue, looking really agitated. I never seen him in such condition before, so I guess the issue really crossed the line.

It was brought up by this group of girls in class. We all knew it was a joke to agitate me, but I never took it seriously nor did anything to put an end to it because it's not the first time i'm linked with such issue. Unfortunately for him, he was brought into the picture and was consistently humiliated over it.

I truly want to apologize. I thought it was those 'soon-to-be-bygone' jokes so I didn't really bother. I should have dealt with it seriously because it's such an alarming accusation. The girls are trying to humiliate the way I act and indirectly, led him to feel ashamed. Judging from his reaction today, I know this have to come to an end. There's nothing I could do to stop them from using you as a mean to criticize my conduct, but to just keep our distance from now on.

The incident somehow reminded me of a friend- the one whom I gave up on upon knowing he was too caught up with his social networking. It was silly I admit and just one message.... I used one SMS to end this and now, I think it's one of the regrettable decisions I've made. Though it was Form 3 and all we did was text each other, but I feel like I've found someone who genuinely wants to befriend me. Guess it's too late to realize this...

Well we were classmates for five years and now, we always meet each other during our prefect duties. We are in good terms of course and are friends too, but somehow he seems a bit reserved when talking to me. In other words, extra polite. Or maybe he knew I was the no-joke type when it comes to duties? I wonder if he actually remembers? I don't know but I guess it doesn't matter anymore, isn't it?

I always have the tendency to think about second chances. You know, how things might turn out if I'm given a chance to reverse time and try to set things right. I wonder if this is considered as a silly act?

Ugly Truth

2010-09-26T06:45:00.000-07:00

Sun, 26 Sept 2010 - 9.48 p.m.

I read the letters yesterday, again. I'm not sure why, but I had the sudden urge to do so. I used to read them frequently back then. They aren't merely typed-written words, at least to me. It's my heart and soul which took me at least an hour for me to express them in words. Ever since the problem ceased and I had myself successfully moved on, I never thought about them anymore. At least, not until yesterday....

I feel so lonely. People don't seem to understand me. There's this point where I feel as if I'm insignificant in a crowd. I couldn't fit in; I tried to but I can't. Perhaps I'm egoistic or I'm ashamed with how people tend to look at me, I don't know. I just feel so depressed all of a sudden and I know I'm not saying this based on a particular occurrence. It has been bothering me since the beginning of this month, just that it reached the peak now; a point where I find no longer bearable anymore.

I don't seek to become the center of attention; I just want to feel appreciated. Maybe I'm not a good friend, like what he stated in one of the letters. I always point out what I want from other people, but there was never an instance where I'd reciprocate. Selfish is exactly the right word to describe me. Maybe this is also why people don't seem to try and get along with me.

But, you know what, that's exactly who I am. I don't want to change in order to fit in. I really want to feel and spread the warmth of friendship, I do, but I can't if changing me is at stake. In fact, I knew I wouldn't succeed even if I do. The message is hidden in the letters, reminding me that I could never be a person that I don't want to be.

I don't want to push things through again and start manipulating certain people to quench my thirst for attention. I couldn't bear to survive another dramatic encounter. What I've went through last year was too overwhelming and it is all my fault. It's only fair if I should stop trying for the sake of mankind. I should really learn to close my heart...

I'm done believing.

Raya Holidays

2010-09-17T01:05:00.000-07:00

Fri, 17 Sept 2010 - 4.07 p.m.

Two weeks of school break was exactly what I needed; a short hiatus from the hectic school life. Overall, it was a non-productive holiday. Aside from holiday assignments and reading two chapters of Organic Chemistry, I was stuck at home, too caught up with watching movies and series.

My dad introduced me to this super cool website where we can download movies in really good quality. So, I took the opportunity to download a few movies that I'm inclined to watch yet reluctant to spend money on buying the DVD.

The first movie I downloaded was 'Hannah Montana : The Movie'. Okay, let me make this clear: I'm not a Hannah Montana fan. The reason why I wanted watch this badly was because of the songs featured in the movie like ' The Climb' , 'Crazier' and 'Butterfly Fly Away'. Though the plot seems kinda simple and predictable, but I really like the whole 'sing-along, hilarious yet tender moments' kinda mood portrayed in the movie.

The second and third movies downloaded were The Last Song and Dear John, based on the novels of Nicholas Sparks. Dear John was kinda lame, truthfully. I'm sure the novel would be interesting, but definitely not the movie. 'The Last Song', on the other hand, is great. It really touched me from the inner core of my heart.

The fourth movie is Tekken. No comments because I think the plot is kinda shallow. Then again, there are some intense fighting scenes and the actors playing Jin Kazama and Christie Monteiro are kinda hot, haha. The last one was Up. It was really interesting and touching, for they focused on the expressions rather than the speech to convey the characters' feelings. Definitely a thumb's up from me!

Aside from that, I have the sudden urge to watch Power Rangers again. Haha. Don't ask me why, I just feel that way and I still do. So, majority of my time was spent on watching Mighty Morphin Power Rangers, Power Rangers Zeo and Power Rangers Jungle Fury on Youtube. Oh well, I certainly had a splendid time!

Of course, there are the outings. Frankly, I'm kinda disappointed because I had only 3 outings throughout the holiday despite it's a common holiday for all. Nevertheless, it was a good get-together. Glad to know that everyone haven't changed a bit. Still the same old attitude, like old times....

Lost Soul

2010-08-25T09:30:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 26 Aug 2010 - 12.34 a.m.

OMG! It had been forever since I last updated my blog. Had it been a month?

Currently, I'm really exhausted with my assignments and responsibilities. I guess I overestimated my capabilities to juggle between revision, colloquium, Prefectorial Board, Editorial Board and of course, the never-ending supply of homework from teachers. After the exams, I never had the chance to take any long breaks and have sufficient rest. It's just so unfair!

Of course, I knew all this was coming but I never thought it could be so physically and mentally challenging. I thought such leadership experiences would shape me into a more capable character, but I never knew it could be a potential threat to break me.

I really wish my comrades would be there for me. I always thought that we could assist each other in times of need but sad to say, I find most of them really individualistic. At the same time, I feel as if I'm not an important figure for I'm always the last to be informed of any updates. But it's okay, there's nobody that I could point my fingers to aside from myself for being such a needy. Reality does bite, isn't it? I've really learnt my lesson.

While Prefectorial Board is manageble, Editorial Board seems to show poor progress. Fortunately, we have Ivan there to lead us on the right track. Not only is he brilliant in managing his work, he exhibits outstanding leadership qualities. What impressed me the most is his attitude in dealing with problems. Like me, I'd be dramatic over such cruel fate and ranting about every single detail like now but he'd stay calm and remain patient. He is indeed an exemplary figure to all. Relating this back to the election of ExCos in the Prefectorial Board, I still don't understand why potential leaders like Ivan and Geston are not chosen. I cracked my head trying to figure out the reason, but I guess this would remain a mystery isn't it?

Above all that, what worries me most is my revision. Co-curriculum is officially dominant over my everyday schedule, rendering me minimal time with revision. I feel so humiliated to admit this because this is the exact contrary to what I've promised myself in the first place. Academic excellence should be my aim. To make matters worst, I'm caught up with co-curriculum that troubles myself yet being not appreciated. Come to think it, I find it hilarious for such calculative person like me to fall for this.

Speaking of academic excellence, my results for my very first assessment in Form Six is indeed 'excellent' where I managed to create a new record.

Pengajian Am - 60 % ( Darn the graph! )
Chemistry - 76 % (She's being so lenient =D )
Biology - 82 % ( The paper is out of format )
Mathematics T - 41% ( My first or second failure throughout my 18 living years)

There we go! How could I not revise after experiencing such tragedy? Sigh...

Deadline for colloquium is next two weeks and everything about it appears unsatisfactory while writing reviews and reports for Editorial Board are really tedious judging from my poor command in English. Not forgetting Mr K's essay assignments throughout the upcoming week which require ample time to search for articles.

I'm not sure if this is normal for a Form 6 student but I genuinely question if I could pull it through at the end. I keep reminding myself that everything would eventually come to an end and I'd be proud or trying to self-deceive myself into believing that everything is okay?

Can someone please tell me what to do???

New Moon

2010-08-07T11:38:00.001-07:00

Sun, 8 Aug 2010 - 2.04 a.m.

I have a sudden urge to post this song here. Though it was a relatively old production, but I feel really connected with the lyrics of the song- somehow. This local production is set as the theme song for one of Malaysia's most famous TV series, ' Age of Glory '.

Believe it or not, I actually watched the entire series aired on NTV7 though I must say I don't really understand Mandarin. I am willing to persevere by just reading the subtitles most of the time, but it is worth it! It's indeed a soul-stirring TV series.

Say no more, here is the video of the theme song :

I even took the initiative to search for the lyrics and translate from scratch. Special credits to my friend, Phoon Chau Yeong who actually helped did most of the translation and explanation! I wonder if the translation actually makes sense?? Haha.

《圆缺》

圆了一场梦

i'm done dreaming a dream

缺一生的悔

which reduces a regret in life

抓不住的笑容

missing the smile that you have as i failed to catch it

风干了泪

and the winds had blown away my tears

生命交错迂回

life seems to cross and revolve

无尽的追

chasing after the path endlessly

放下我

if you leave me

谁又是你下一位

who would be the next in your heart?

他们说月有圆缺

they claim that the moon could form a new moon

所以才美才浪漫

which makes the moon more beautiful and romantic

周而复始的爱凄美

the repeating, saddening love that i experienced

心太酸

makes my heart feels sour

就算躲不过阴晴

although it cannot escape from the shades of clouds

逃不了缺残

nor from its imperfection

承诺烂漫星光

but it promises the ever-romantic star

永远陪伴夜晚

it will accompany the night forever, without fail

又说人生有圆缺

and some people claims that life is imperfect

所以更期待圆满

so they patiently yearn for perfection and satisfaction

谁又舍得歌唱离别

who is willing to exchange goodbyes through music

泪满杉

causing a downpour of tears

万盏霓虹

even the most beautiful scene

不比你爱璀璨

is not as beautiful if compared to your love

剪影你轮廊

i'll follow the sketching of your contour

如影随形的孤单

which resembles the shadow of loneliness

Memories seem to be the only significance in long, distant friendships....

Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature 9

2010-07-30T23:43:00.000-07:00

Sat, 31 July 2010 - 2.43 p.m.

I have a sudden urge to search about 'Beauty' and to contribute to the ' Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature' posts, I have decided to post an article on The Four Beauties in China.

Xishi

Xishi (497 BC) was a legendary beauty of ancient China. She has been described as "equally charming in both heavy and light makeup", "as appealing when she frowns as when she smiles". Of her figure it has been said that "were she plump, you would admire her plumpness, were she thin you would admire her for being slender". She is celebrated as a woman of extraordinary natural beauty with a universal appeal. Although many have praised Xishi's looks, there is but little mention of her notable virtue - she had a great love for her country and her people.

Xishi was the daughter of a tea trader from Ningluo Mountain village in the Zhuji county in Zhejiang Province. This comprised a part of the ancient state of Yue.

When the state of Yue was vanquished by the state of Wu, the King of Yue, Gou Jian was forced to serve the Prince of Wu for three years. On his release, King Gou Jian slept on brushwood and drank gall before each meal to remind himself of the humiliation his country had suffered. He commissioned men to search far and wide for a woman whom he could send as a tribute to Prince Fuchai of Wu. Xishi, whose beauty was much talked of even from early childhood, was selected for this task and sent to the capital.

King Gou Jian approved of the choice and had Xishi dressed in fine robes. He had her trained in royal court etiquette. Gou Jian ordered his minister Fan Li to take Xishi to the Prince of Wu as a tribute gift from Yue. During the journey, Xishi fell deeply in love with the wise minister. Fan Li also grew to admire this courageous lady who was willing to give her life for her country. Consequently, before they parted, they made a secret pledge of undying love.

They arrived at the capital of Wu and the prince welcomed Xishi with open arms. He was enchanted by her appearance and doted on her. Gradually he began to neglect his political duties, preferring to idle away his time with Xishi. He frequently took her out on carriage rides to the noisy and prosperous sections of the city. On these rides, he liked to boast to those around him that he had won the heart of the most beautiful woman in the world. He would add: "If you want to look at her, you'll have to present me with some gold coins!" In this way, he also managed to enrich his coffers.

Xishi, however, never lost sight of her mission. Her aim was to bewitch the Prince of Wu so that his subjects would grow restless and his friends would desert him. The political chaos that ensued would enable the King of Yue to invade the state of Wu, recompensing him for his former humiliation.

Heaven grants the wishes of men. The King of Yue finally annexed the state of Wu. Following the death of Prince Fuchai of Wu, Xishi disappeared from public life. She lived in relative obscurity with Fan Li who became a successful trader.

This story is unique in the history of feudal China as no one has ever found fault with Xishi, even though she had caused the downfall of the state of Wu.

Wang Zhaojun

Wang Zhaojun is perhaps the best known of China's "political brides". Many tales have been told about her life.

Her name was Jiang, her style Zhaojun but during the Jin Dynasty, she was referred to as Minghou as the name Zhao could not be used by ordinary folks since the king, Sima Zhao had the same surname. Later generations, however, addressed her as Mingfei.

A native of Zigui ( in Western Hubei province), she entered the imperial harem during the reign of Emperor Yuan of Western Han (48-33 BC). The emperor chose companions from his vast harem of maidens by looking at their portraits. As a result of this practice, it had become the custom for palace ladies to offer large bribes to court artists to ensure that they painted a flattering likeness. Wang Zhaojun, however, was confident of her natural beauty and refused to pay the court painter, Mao Yanshou, his customary bribe. As a result, from her finished portrait, she seemed to be the ugliest of all the palace ladies and thus, never received the emperor's favour.

When the Xiongnu chieftain, Huhanxie became a subject of the Han empire, he told Emperor Yuan: "I wish to take a Han beauty as my empress.

To cement relations with this barbarous nation, Emperor Yuan agreed to the request. Unwilling to pick out a real beauty, the emperor ordered that the plainest girl in the harem be selected for the marriage. When the lady-in-charge of the harem sent the unflattering portrait of Wang Zhaojun to the emperor, he merely glanced at it and nodded his approval.

Only when she was on the point of departure did Emperor Yuan set eyes on her. Much to his dismay, he realised that she was in fact the loveliest woman in his harem. Emperor Yuan was intent on finding out how such an error could have arisen. He discovered that the blame lay with the fraudulent behaviour of the court artist Mao Yanshou so Emperor Yuan ordered that he be put to death.

This redress, however, came too late for Wang Zhaojun. Dressed in the regalia of the Han court, clutching her Pipa to her bosom, she travelled beyond the Great Wall. Wang Zhaojun never returned and died in a distant barbarous land. There is a rich and poignant poem entitled Song of Mingfei:

"When Mingfei left the palace of Han,

Face damp with tears, hair hanging loose,

Turning her lowered head she gazed back, expressionless.

And her sovereign could not restrain his anguish.

Blame lay in an artist's hand,

Few had he seen so pleasing to the eye.

Yet the source of such beauty was not painted;

Mao Yanshou was killed at once.

Departing, she knew, never to return,

Pitiable in the costume of the Han court.

Her plaintive voice asking for news of the south.

Where only the swan geese flew and returned each year.

Messages sent by her family, ten thousand li,

So that she in the foreign land will not pine.

Close by, Chang'an gate has locked out the beauty,

Life's aspirations thwarted by neither north nor south.

Diaochan

Diaochan, whose name is not to be found in official history books, plays an important role in the Romance Of The Three Kingdoms. Her story, which is still well-known today, tells how two allies were so blinded by a pretty woman that they became enemies, one intent on destroying the other.

The events of this tale took place during Dong Zhuo's monopolisation of power. One day, during a palace banquet, Dong Zhuo levelled false accusations against Situ Zhangwen, an official. All the eminent officials who had gathered for the feast watched in horror as Situ Zhangwen was dragged outside to be beheaded. Each man feared that the fate of the Han duke might well be his own.

When Prime Minister Wangyun returned to his residence, he was so disturbed by what he had seen at the palace that he was unable to sleep. He went for a stroll in the garden. Suddenly, he heard someone praying. The sound seemed to have come from behind a clump of peony trees. Stepping over to investigate, Wangyun realised that it was Diaochan, a singing girl from his own household.

Diaochan had come to the Wang mansion as a young child and Wangyun had looked upon her almost as if she were his own daughter. He asked her: "What are you doing here in the middle of the night?"

She answered him: "From early childhood, I have benefitted from your kindness and have often wondered how I may one day repay you. Recently you have been so sad and despondent; yet I do not know how to alleviate your suffering. That is why I am sighing. Please tell me how I can help you. I will do whatever I can while I still have the strength!"

Wangyun led Diaochan into an inner room and, having dismissed the servants, went down on his knees before her. Shocked and flustered, Diaochan begged to know what was troubling him. Wangyun spoke to her earnestly: "Our country is in great peril. I think you may be our only salvation. The despot Dong Zhuo wants to see himself enthroned as the Son of Heaven while the court officials can only look on helplessly. I have a plan to end his scheming. With your wit and charm we may be able to drive a wedge between Dong Zhuo and his adopted son Lü Bu. If we can end their alliance, and cause them to fight against each other, we may be able to eliminate them both."

Diaochan agreed at once to do her best. Wangyun took the earliest opportunity to betroth Diaochan to Lü Bu; at the same time presenting her to Dong Zhuo as a concubine. Both Dong Zhuo and Lu Bu became fond of her and could not decide how to settle the matter. As the hostilities grew, Diaochan took every opportunity to add fuel to the fire and the two men became fiercely jealous of each other. Eventually, Wangyun was able to gain Lü Bu's assistance in assassinating Dong Zhuo.

Unfortunately, soon after, both Wangyun and Diaochan were put to death by surviving members of Dong Zhuo's clique.

Yang Guifei

"Appreciating feminine charms,
The Han emperor sought a great beauty.
Throughout his empire he searched
For many years without success. Then a daughter of the Yang family
Matured to womanhood.
Since she was secluded in her chamber,
None outside had seen her."
Yang Yuhuan, later to become Yang Guifei (AD 713-756), was the daughter of Yang Xuanyan, a census official in Sichuan.

An only child who lost her father early in life, Yang Yuhuan was raised in the household of her uncle, Yang Xuangui. She grew up to be one of the few women whose beauty has caused the downfall of monarchs and nations.

"Yet with such beauty bestowed by fate,
How could she remain unknown!
One day she was chosen
To attend to the emperor.
Glancing back and smiling,
She revealed a hundred charms.
All the powdered ladies of the six palaces
At once seemed dull and colourless.
One cold spring day she was ordered
To bathe in the Huaqing Palace baths.
The warm water slipped down
Her glistening jade-like body.
When her maids helped her rise,
She looked so frail and lovely,
Immediately winning the emperor's favour."

In the twenty-second year of the Kaiyuan reign, Yang Yuhuan was chosen to enter the imperial harem. In the twenty-eighth year, the Tang Emperor Xuanzong summoned her to the Huaqing Palace where she first rose to imperial favour.

"Her hair like a cloud,
Her face like a flower,
A gold hair-pin adorning her tresses.
Behind the warm lotus-flower curtain,
They took their pleasures in the spring night.
Regretting only the spring nights were too short;
Rising only when the sun was high;
He stopped attending court sessions
In the early morning.
Constantly she amused and feasted with him,
Accompanying him on his spring outings,
Spending all the nights with him.
Though many beauties were in the palace,
More than three thousand of them,
All his favours were centered on her."

Her relatives gained unprecedented influence: her uncle, Xuangui, was made a senior official in the capital; her cousin Yang Guozhong was appointed prime minister; her elder brother, Yangxian became an official of the second rank while her younger brother, Yangqi was given an imperial consort as his wife. Her sisters were all appointed to nobility.

"The Rainbow and Feather Garments Dance
Was stopped by the sounds of war.
Dust filled the high-towered capital,
As thousands of carriages and horsemen
Fled to the south-west."

Emperor Xuanzong, wallowing in the pleasures of the flesh, neglected his court and politics. In AD 755, An Lushan, a powerful general, seized the opportunity to stage a rebellion and marched into the capital. Emperor Xuanzong fled towards the south- west, taking Yang Guifei with him.

"The emperor's green-canopied carriage
Was forced to halt,
Having left the west city gate
More than a hundred li.
There was nothing the emperor could do,
At the army's refusal to proceed.
So she with the moth-like eyebrows
Was killed before his horses.
Her floral-patterned gilded box
Fell to the ground, abandoned and unwanted,
Like her jade hair-pin
With the gold sparrow and green feathers."

They had not gone far from the capital when the soldiers refused to go on, demanding the death of Yang Guifei. Emperor Xuanzong had no choice but to watch Yang Guifei kill herself at the slopes of Mawei village.

Like the soldiers, the common people hated Yang Guifei, believing that she had brought harm to their country. In reality, she was no more than the plaything of a fatuous monarch, used as an excuse by treacherous subjects to justify sedition. Perhaps those who truly deserve to be despised are the self-indulgent emperor, his traitorous subjects, and fair-weather friends who used claims of kinship to gain power. Beyond that, the blame must lie with the backward system of feudal autocracy under which Yang Guifei lived.

"Heaven and earth may not last for ever,
But this sorrow is eternal."

Source : http://www.chinatown-online.com/cultureeye/common/four.htm

Overwhelming Responsibilities

2010-07-24T02:31:00.000-07:00

Sat, 24 July 2010 - 5.32 p.m.

It had been weeks since I last blogged. I was an avid blogger as far as I remembered, but the daily hectic schedule had got the best of me to an extent I find blogging very time consuming. Nevertheless, I still have strong intentions to share every single bit of happenings that occur in my life so I promise I'll update my blog every now and then.

If I'd want to share about occurrences in school, I think it would take me 3 hours to express everything into words ( I seriously mean that ) so, I'm just gonna focus on the co-curriculum aspect in this post.

Prior to the school's regulations, I have no choice but to participate in co-curriculum activities which is basically divided into 3 categories: Uniform Unit, Clubs & Societies and Sports & Games. Hence, my combination is St. John Ambulance, Editorial Club and Badminton. Overall, I'm satisfy and relieved that I'm given 2/3 of my primary choice. I did request to switch to International Chess Club, but oh well, guess it's about time I should get some real exercise though I always see climbing stairs as one form of exercising. Lol.

I have posts in 2/3 of the co-co bodies, i.e. Ahli Jawantankuasa ( AJK ) in Badminton Club ( OMG right? ) and Co-Editor / Secretary in Editorial Club. Being a member in Editorial Club is not an easy task indeed for we are required to produce the magazine out of scratch. The time allocated is indeed insufficient and careful measures must be taken to ensure the magazine is published with satisfaction and compliments from every individual, particularly parents. Aside from that, we are required to publish The Michaelian Voice. Nevertheless, Ivan and Jane are capable and reliable individuals to make sure the magazine is at least on par compared to previous years. I'll give them my utmost support and service to make the magazine a definite success.

Now, Prefectorial Board. I believe it is the most talked about issue in school. Obviously I'm not gonna blog about such internal affairs here nor do I intend to spread the news, all I wanted to comment is that whatever chaos that happened had come to an end on July 23. This marks the beginning of the new board 2010/2011 and it is crucial not to allow history to repeat itself.

Being a prefect is one of my most valuable assets in my heart for it had helped shape me into a better character, in general. I remembered I was this shy and absolutely quiet boy who reluctantly join the Prefectorial Board, seeking for opportunities to learn to be more sociable. Indeed, I would say my performance was below average where I was the last batch to pass my probation. As time passes with constant exposure over leadership skills, teamwork and self-confidence, I managed to obtain the Best Prefect Award in terms of being the most improved. That brings tremendous satisfaction to me, knowing it is a solid evidence to prove that I have successfully change towards the better. Right now, who would have thought that I could lead the board and make it to the Exco List, being the Honorary Secretary?

Honestly, I know there are certainly more deserving prefects for I clearly know my capabilities to lead. Perhaps Mr K wanted someone who could deal with paperworks; after all I had three years of experience being a Secretary in various clubs. I know it's no point looking back now, so I'm just gonna give my best in executing my role. Personally, I truly hope that this experience would make me a more capable leader. I can foresee an unpleasant journey ahead, but I strongly feel that the six of us could co-operate and plod on regardless of the tough obstacles. I have faith in Tihn Chern; he has what it takes to bring the board to another level and set things right on course.

Being Secretary for this board is definitely taxing! I'm trying to constantly remind myself that this role would help in my MUET but honestly, will it help? Haha. It is really burdensome now, knowing I have academics, Prefectorial Board and Editorial Club on my shoulders. Nonetheless, academics have and always will be of primary importance to me.

First assessment is around the corner and my revision progress is indeed very upsetting. Plus, Prefectorial Board needs to execute some amendments. I know it's surreal to be top 20 in form looking as how I always aimed, but of course, I'm gonna give my best shot.

' Be strong because things will get better. It might be
stormy now but it can't rain forever. '

Still Confused

2010-07-08T03:52:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 8 July 2010 - 7.01 p.m.

Seemingly I'm now completely aimless in what course I intend to pursue in the future, I decided to spend a little time to try out some career tests, with hope that it could provide a guideline for me. Hence, I visited this website - 'Future Proof of Your Career ( FPYC ) ' and below shows their analysis on me:

Your FPYC Personal Profile Summary

FPYC Personal Profile for Nick

FPYC temperament type: IITS - Desire for mastery, highly creative and innovative, an ideas machine. Likes to come to decisions and achieve closure.

Dominant intelligences: Intrapersonal, Logical Mathematical, Linguistic, Interpersonal and Naturalist.

Dominant abilities: Self Awareness, Verbal Language, Self Discipline, Logical, Interpersonal Effectiveness and Proactivity.

Fields of Work: Media, Legal and Sales.

Knowledge worker status: Industrial Worker - Knowledge User.

Knowledge age skills:
Communication - Reasonable
Adaptability - Reasonable
Business - Reasonable
Team Work - Reasonable
Computer - Room for improvement
Learning - Reasonable

Basically, that's all the free information I could get which really bothers and intrigues me at the same time. Can't such websites reveal everything and be noble for once?!

Honestly, I find the results rather disappointing because I'm hoping it would reveal ' Health care' as my potential fields of work. From the moment I set foot in a Biology class, I knew I should give my utmost attempt to consider health care related courses like Medicine and Pharmacy but there doesn't seem to be any evidence or assurance that I could use to convince myself except people commenting that I have the physician look and how great it is being a physician. In fact, I did a research and it seems most science related courses require practical skills which I know I totally would hate and suck at.

Well, at least I could say I have narrowed down the range of possibilities. Basically, the possible fields under consideration would be Medicine, Dentistry, Pharmacy, Science, Law, Business and Social Science only. At the moment, I only have Medicine, Law and Business ( Accounting ) in mind.

I really hope time could reveal a definite answer to me...

Back to Square One

2010-07-03T05:11:00.000-07:00

Sat, 3 July 2010 - 8.14 p.m.

I went out for a movie outing with Ruben, Chee Hoe, Nicholas Low, Thomas and Keng Fai. We watched Karate Kid. Overall, it was entertaining though the plot seemed a bit cliche to me. I mean, the unfortunate Detroit boy so happen to meet a China guy who is so great in kung fu and coincidentally, the guy was so kind enough to teach him. He excelled and managed to win a tournament. Happy ending! Haha.

After the movie, Loo Sen and a friend of theirs from UTP came to Jusco and I manage to have a few words with Loo Sen before I had to head home. He still encourages me to write in and nominate myself in the run for a post in the Prefectorial Board. To be honest, I know chances of me getting would be very less but if I decided not to submit, my chances would equate to 0. Hence, should I give it a go and see where it may lead me to or should I avoid myself from being dejected over a probable rejection and risk alleviating my self-esteem? Hmm... I need to decide this by tomorrow.

This outing revealed something very important to me. It somehow reminded me on how I seem to lost contact with my close friends. Now, the saddening part was, this is most likely to remain constant. Somehow, I just can't find the initiative for me to keep in touch with them because there's just so much of stuff going on and I believe they too feel the same way. Watching the friendships helplessly fade away gradually does bring tremendous pain to me.

All of a sudden, I feel so scared again knowing close bonds formed would eventually break and be separated. With that, I feel so insecure and reluctant to invest time on making close friends anymore. I know this sounds pessimistic and people would start explaining and everything but the bottom line is - It hurts!

Guess I have yet to accept the fact that changes are inevitable in life....

LSS3

2010-06-29T03:41:00.000-07:00

Tues, 29 June 2010 - 6.43 p.m.

I find Form 6 progressively taxing and exhausting with the passing of time. With colloquium and co-curriculum to add bulk to the intense academic schedule,there isn't much free time for me to chat with my friends and blog which cause great discomfort to me. Guess what my seniors said was true; Form 6 life is indeed enjoyable in terms of social but not the academical aspect.

As clearly depicted by the title of this post, this post would focus merely on my class, LSS3. Honestly, the terms LSS3 and LSS4 lead me to ups and downs, even before lessons were conducted. At the very beginning, I was reluctant to switch to LSS3; from choosing Biology to Computing. After attending the first Computing class, I was eager to switch back to Biology and at the same time, hoping to transfer back to LSS4. However, Puan Tan rejected my request and left me in despair. Despite several attempts, she refused to switch me until the NS fellows register themselves. Eventually, she asked for me and grant me permission to switch to LSS4 instantly, giving me a dilemma. Finally, I heavy-heartedly chose to remain in LSS3.

I'm not gonna deny. I still have a strong urge to switch to LSS4 knowing they have Puan Chong Chok Kwan and Mr Liew Boon Keat as their Chemistry and Biology teachers respectively. It's so much more appealing if compared to my science teachers. I'm not saying that good teachers are the major key factor which affects students' achievement but I would see it as an advantage which may contribute to better understanding. It is, after all, undeniable that interesting lessons could fuel the interest in students' towards lessons and I'm gonna need that to pull through in Science Stream. Don't blame me, I'm just being a student.

Well, there is no turning back now nor would I want to appeal for the third time. I just strongly yearn that the presence of sucky teachers would in turn act as a motivation for me to strive for better results and prove that studying is all about self initiative. I would set the top LSS4 student as a margin to slowly work my way up so don't hate me if I appear 'kiasu' in this. I need to do some proving to myself....

So far, lessons are still manageable except Biology, where it seemed more like a reading class. So, I solely depend on Mr Khor. Boon Hong thought I would definitely be the first in class, but I doubt so. At least, not the upcoming assessment. Not that I'm inconfident, but I barely revise my studies and still get distracted with the net where everyone else was busy revising their studies. Knowing that I'm nowhere linked with the term 'bright', I wonder when I could finally find the initiative to work harder and have more self-control? When will I finally be realistic enough to know that I'm no longer dealing with upper secondary standards? Do I have to see a D on my paper in order for me to realize that? Sigh.

Now, let's hit a happier note. One word to describe LSS3- awesome! I'm not gonna say that LSS3 is the most happening class because everyone would be bias to their own respectively classes but honestly, we are happening! What appeals to me most is how fast each and everyone of us bonded with each other. It feels good to be part of the class because there was never a single dull moment spent together, except during lessons of course. Haha.

The teachers assigned to our class are also friendly and yet, serious at the same time. It was fun to chat with all of them. Mr Karu is not as scary as everyone thought he would be. In fact, he even jokes all the time in class which is an eye opener initially. Nonetheless, he is very serious with his work. So, it'd be an honor for having such knowledgeable teacher to teach us both Pengajian Am and Pengajian Am Statistik but it is crucial to complete the relevant assignments in order to remain good terms with him. Puan Lim is serious yet friendly too. I find her teaching really good for she really helps facilitate our understanding. In fact, I find Maths quite interesting now, a fact that shocked myself and fellow friends. Mr Rajan is self explanatory. Though he seems to lack initiative in teaching and constantly misses class, but everyone knows he is good in English or at least, in speaking. MUET is technically the only subject where we can just sit back and have a good laugh to relax ourselves. Miss Wong is very approachable and friendly. Though her teaching might not be efficient, but the Chemistry notes provided are decent. Puan Alice may look serious but she too is approachable and she seems to be a dedicated class teacher to the least.

Though many have left or decided to leave, I sincerely wish them the very best in their future undertakings! It's nice meeting every single one of you. Don't hesitate to greet or wave at me whenever you meet me! With that in mind, it is estimated that only 20 students will remain in LSS3- 10 in Biology class and 10 in Computing class. Hopefully the 20 of us will become even more open minded to remove whatever social barrier that barricades us from getting to know each other.

I look forward for more intriguing experiences to come.

Ending this post with a few pictures taken 'illegally' in the largest classroom among the lower six classes. Haha.

The Proposal

2010-06-21T05:52:00.000-07:00

Mon, 21 June 2010 - 9.43 p.m.

The couple above, Winson ( left) and Joy had just got engaged at TGV cinema, Ipoh on June 19.

Winson was planning to propose to Joy in front of his family, relatives and friends with Joy totally unaware of his intention. She was informed that they will be watching A-team, together with their friends. Before she arrived, everyone was seated in the cinema, anxiously waiting for the couple's arrival.

The group eventually entered the cinema and were intentionally placed at the corner of the top row with Joy being in the middle. We, audience, remained silent in order to disguise and kept our identities unrevealed. Then , a series of movie trailers were played until there's this unique video clip, that no theatre has ever shown before....

Please proceed to watch video here.

What do you think?

Being Winson's cousin, I'm really moved. True, it may not be an awesome-possum proposal or a heart-etched romantic scene, but to me, I'm touched to witness two genuine lovers finally got engaged after going through various ups and downs for 7 solid, long years. The sincerity of Winson's proposal was truly enthralling. Looking forward to their wedding on June 2011!

Finding a person to love is easy, but finding someone who loves you in return has never been easy....

Working Towards a Fifth Subject

2010-06-16T09:55:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 17 June 2010 - 12.59 a.m.

I had finally completed my Pengajian Am assignment within a week, or I claimed that I completed it. I just figure that I could not bare to waste any more time on them and should allocate some time to read up on my Biology and the Kenegaraan syllabus of Pengajian Am. Now, what's left is the printing.

Sigh. I really find Biology sickening. I really wish I could think like Terence, who finds Biology fairly interesting as this discipline concentrates on how our body systems function and bring us life. I had also discovered that Biology students are more inclined to draw than calculate! Damn. However, I'm positively sure that I would stay put in Biology class knowing I'm considering Medicine as my degree option. Whether I like it or not, there is a need to endure this dull subject.

In the meantime, I have planned to take Economics as my fifth subject. Many would find this a non-beneficial option to take and I'm still wondering if I'm overestimating my capabilities but I have my reasons, of course. The reasons are as follows:

1. Obtain better CGPA score. Contrary to popular belief, I decided to take a fifth subject because I know I am an average student. With that in mind, getting 4 flat seems too good to be true. So, taking a seemingly easier fifth subject might be beneficial for me as the calculation of CGPA score involves the average pointers of the Pengajian Am subject and 3 best subjects. Though I know commerce and humanities subjects are not taken into account for Science courses, this would act as an indication that Science courses are too high class for me.

2. Economics seems interesting in a way and knowledge of economics seems applicable and beneficial in daily lives. Well, first impression always matters to me.

3. School offers Economics as a subject in STPM. Perhaps, I could request to sit for the examination papers set by the school and get certain updates on the particular subject knowing school teachers always go for Lembaga meetings and seminars. Plus, I could refer to my fellow friends in case I face certain problems related to the subject.

4. Tutors are available. Though limited, but there are a countable number of Economics tutors out there in Ipoh. So, taking a fifth subject wouldn't be too self-study oriented and I can still expect being spoonfed. Haha.

Well, there are still a couple procedures to do before I can make studying Economics a probable plan. Hope it would turn out as planned with no obstacles.

Enough about studies here. I actually went out with Kar Keng, Christopher, Azlan and Chin Eng for a movie outing, Prince of Persia. The movie is pretty good especially with the presence of the leading actress. Lol.

It's a decent get-together indeed especially when I haven't met them in ages. After we exchanged goodbyes, I came across Hoi Meng and Desmond Choo. It was nice to meet them all.

Photo of the day:

P.S. Never ask a stranger who was reading comics at a corner to help take a picture. ^^

Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature 8

2010-06-14T03:10:00.000-07:00

Mon, 14 June 2010 - 6.10 p.m.

A soul-enticing poem that triggers my emotions.

Pablo Neruda - Tonight I Can Write

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.

Write, for example, 'The night is starry
and the stars are blue and shiver in the distance.'

The night wind revolves in the sky and sings.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
I loved her, and sometimes she loved me too.

Through nights like this one I held her in my arms.
I kissed her again and again under the endless sky.

She loved me, sometimes I loved her too.
How could one not have loved her great still eyes.

Tonight I can write the saddest lines.
To think that I do not have her. To feel that I have lost her.

To hear the immense night, still more immense without her.
And the verse falls to the soul like dew to the pasture.

What does it matter that my love could not keep her.
The night is starry and she is not with me.

This is all. In the distance someone is singing. In the distance.
My soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

My sight tries to find her as though to bring her closer.
My heart looks for her, and she is not with me.

The same night whitening the same trees.
We, of that time, are no longer the same.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but how I loved her.
My voice tried to find the wind to touch her hearing.

Another's. She will be another's. As she was before my kisses.
Her voice, her bright body. Her infinite eyes.

I no longer love her, that's certain, but maybe I love her.
Love is so short, forgetting is so long.

Because through nights like this one I held her in my arms
my soul is not satisfied that it has lost her.

Though this be the last pain that she makes me suffer
and these the last verses that I write for her.


translated by W.S. Merwin

Simply Memorable

2010-06-12T07:13:00.000-07:00

Sat, 12 June 2010 - 10.16 p.m.

With regards to the holiday assignments assigned to me, I would say it has made my blogging mood deteriorate drastically. Nevertheless, I decided to pull myself together and make an entry here on how meaningful today went.

I had a movie outing with Jin Hong and his usual gang namely Wai Chun, Nicholas Chong, Toon Chi Hong, YuChuan, Keng Fai, Stephen and Daryl. Actually, I figured I would've never got invited if Jin Hong hadn't been serious on exchanging goodbyes face-to-face with me. At the same time, I do find myself the odd one out despite I can say I know each and everyone of them quite well. Perhaps it's because of our different fields of interests. Lol.

The day started out pretty boring when I actually came way much earlier to Ipoh Parade around 11.30 a.m. in order to tag my dad's worker's transportation. Unbeknown that none of them are early birds and would arrive at 1 something, I spent most of my time at Popular reading Microeconomics STPM and a book on Chinese Idioms, explained in English.

Upon their arrival which is around 1.30 p.m., they were having their meals respectively. There, we sort of reconnected with each other. It was really nice to meet all of them again especially Wai Chun whom I've never had the chance to meet them in person for quite some time. When everyone has finally arrived, we proceed to the theater to watch 'The A-Team'. Due to some unforeseen circumstances, Wee Mun decided not to join us for the movie.

The movie was I say, action-packed and aside from that, nothing was out of the ordinary. Then again, isn't that what action movies are all about? Corny plots with tons of actions? Haha. Overall, I'd say it's pretty good. Definitely worth watching!

After that, we wander aimlessly around the building. Come to think of it, it's not such a bad thing. That is where chatting takes its place and I really do like to chat. At the ground floor of Parkson Grand, Stephen then suggested to go cyber cafe at Greentown and I knew that was my cue to exchange goodbyes with them.

It feels really good when Jin Hong did remember to say goodbye to me, formally. Actually, we did more than just saying goodbye. Lol. It's exactly what I intended to do at first though I was kinda reluctant but I never thought he'd took the initiative. I guess I couldn't ask for a more pleasant farewell. I bid him my deepest wishes upon his studies in INTEC then USA.

As I headed back to Novelhut and resume hunting for 'P' license stickers, I found them again in Popular. They claim it was raining outside. Then, I followed Daryl, Jin Hong and Wai Chun and together we waited for our transport to arrive. That concluded the outing today.

No doubt it was comparatively a boring outing I had, but I find this one typically meaningful. Most probably because I know that this could be the last time I would be invited by any of them. It was a shame that I did not bid formal farewells to Daryl, Stephen and YuChuan who had to pursue their higher education at UNITEN, UTP and KTAR respectively for I might not see them again in the near future.

It's a great thing we have means of communication like Facebook and MSN where we could still keep in touch but somehow I know that things would never be the same like how it used to be. I wonder why it still bothers me after going through similar experiences in the pasts. Perhaps, this shows that friends do earn an important spot in my heart. Haha.

I'm not sure if they felt the same way as I do, but I've definitely enjoy spending time with each and everyone of them. It was simply a memorable outing I'd cherish for as long as I could remember.

JPJ Test Part III

2010-06-08T02:10:00.000-07:00

Tues, 8 June 2010 - 5.12 p.m.

Just a short notification:

I PASSED MY DRIVING TEST- BAHAGIAN III

I'm really glad that it's settled after two pricey, failed attempts. Apparently, I did okay except the part where I almost got lost and I turned right without using the signal....or at least I THINK I did okay in general. Haha.

According to Chou Yeong, the government enforced a new law where all 'P' holders are required to undergo another session of driving test, conducted by JPJ in order to obtain some official driving certificate. Well, this is not good! I'm planning to drive only automatic cars in the future and now they enforced this....!!!!! Hope this law is applicable for new 'P' holders of the year 2011 onwards.

Of course, I'm not allowed to wander around with a vehicle without my parents' surveillance seemingly I still have another test to sit for.... MUM's PROBATION PERIOD, which I guess has very high standards. However, I do have a strong feeling that I'll be persuaded to drive on my own very soon since dad's schedule seem too packed these days.

Well, I promise that this is gonna be a short notification so I'm gonna stop right here, right now before this post became too lengthy. Hence, I gladly officiate the closure of this 'trilogy'!

My 18th Birthday

2010-06-05T02:18:00.000-07:00

Sat, 5 June 2010 - 1.25 a.m.

June 2 was definitely a splendid day. I would like to dedicate my utmost gratitude to everyone who took the initiative to wish me Happy Birthday.

Couple of minutes before the clock struck at 12 which depicts the beginning of June 2, I was partially replying my wall posts in Facebook and doing Mr Karu's assignment on food or health supplements which really frustrates me. Then, Jin Hong asked me where is Hari Gawai celebrated in MSN. It was such a turn off for me, knowing it's almost my birthday and here he is, asking me such irrelevant questions.

When the digital clock in my laptop shows 12:00 AM, I received a notification from Jin Hong in Facebook which makes him the very first person to wish me Happy Birthday on June 2. He also wished me Happy Birthday again in MSN and showed me some 'Happy Birthday' animation, obtained from the MSN feature. Well, I'm really happy and touched with his intention. I really wanted to tell him how blissful and thankful I was, but I just don't want to risk over-dramatizing the situation. I wish he could see this...

Then, wishes were technically bombarding my profile in Facebook. It was nice reading the comments, even the simplest Happy Birthday seem sufficient to me. However the one thing that seems to differ is the fact that there weren't any messages sent to my phone. Usually, I would get 2 messages at 12 sharp. I know I'm silly to be a little disappointed, but I guess I still have yet to accept the fact on how things ought to change.

In school, I was flattered when my classmates happened to remember my birthday and they actually sang me a 'Happy Birthday' song collectively. My warmest gratitude to each and everyone of them. My friends did wish me 'Happy Birthday' face-to-face. I'm not sure why, but it feels awkward to me. Haha. But of course, I appreciate the intention and reaction. Thanks again.

Upon reaching home and having sufficient rest, I had to continue my Pengajian Am assignment which was due next day. So, it's really frustrating. I didn't even get to watch any DVD, like every other year. I managed to 'so-call' settle the assignment before I head for my birthday dinner, at Syuen Hotel. I think it's called Taro Restaurant.

It's actually a pretty luxurious mixed-cuisine-more-japanese-inclined-buffet kinda feast. It was pretty enjoyable and comfortable there. We spent around 2 hours there which is considered very long. Well, do try it out! Ground floor of Syuen Hotel! Lol.

Back at home after dinner, I went online and was chatting while replying my wall posts. It came to a point where I realised it's almost 12.00 and there was one very important event that they missed out- the blowing candles! Apparently, my mum remembered, of course, 'cause she knew how important this segment was to me. Haha. For the very first time in my birthday history, I actually chose cheesecake, neglecting my grandma's eccentric taste buds. Lol. Oh, I made a wish too, a pretty unique one this time.

So, there you go- my 18th birthday. Nothing much happened to be frank, but I couldn't ask for more. It was a simple yet splendid birthday, similar to every other year in the past. Finally 18...but I don't seem to behave like a 18 year old. Guess it's high time I need an appropriate paradigm shift.

Before I end this post, I would like to express my deepest appreciation again to everyone who had wished me. All the best in your future endeavors, boys and girls!

Birthday Timeline

2010-05-30T07:54:00.000-07:00

Sun, 30 May 2010 - 11.17 p.m.

My 18th birthday is coming in a few days time. With that in mind, it triggers me on how much I have changed over the years....

When I was thirteen, Birthday seems to be a very important event to me. At the end of May, I would start making plans on where I would like to eat, where to buy my birthday cake and what present do I want. When the day finally arrives, I was enthusiastic throughout the day. Everything would go on plan and I'd say it could be one of the most enjoyable day throughout the year. In my head, I would look forward for my next birthday- to plan everything all over again.

At fifteen, I do look forward for my Birthday when June arrives but no longer do I have specific plans on where to eat nor choose where to buy my cake. Everything seems spontaneous, though I still have the privilege to pick my gift beforehand. At this age, I was pretty active in sms chatting. The moment the clock strikes 12am, there will be two or three Happy Birthday wishes received. So, wishing friends' Happy Birthday has became a norm. It was this year where it occurs to me that I should make wishes related to my friends, but I still kept with ' getting 7As in PMR'.

Then came 2009. Birthdays seem nothing but a little extraordinary than every other day. Well, of course I still feel special- my day. The number of wishes received per sms had increased. It was the time when I felt that the wishes really mean a lot to me. I feel appreciated and likeable for my friends remember my birthday. My handphone was a crucial asset on that particular day. When it comes to making a wish, I actually made 2 wishes on that very year. One was indeed 'I hope I could get good results in SPM' and the second was 'I wish I receive more attention from my friends'. Never did I know that things would turn out so wrong from that point onwards.

I'm not sure how I have changed from being easily satisfied to more demanding; everything doesn't seem to turn out the way I hope for but yet I can't point out what's missing. I also turned out more complicated as my age increases. Could it be a sign of growing up or am I becoming more melodramatic?

At the same time, I seemed to place ridiculous expectations towards certain friendships. I'm not sure how I'd turn out like this for I never face such problems back then.

How I'd got jealous when my friend seem to find another new best friend who seems to replace me; How I placed so much expectations on one specific individual yet knowing he would not fulfill them and suspect that he does not treat me mutually; How I was silly enough to feel that I was taken for granted when I thought a chat mate would actually acknowledge me as his close friend......This is getting out of control over the years!

If there's one thing I'd yearn for, it would be putting an end towards all this silly matters. I hate the fact that I appear so weak because I clearly know that I'm not. I'm almost 18 now, I wish to see maturity in myself. I wish to move on....

Brief Analysis on Palm Reading

2010-05-30T06:27:00.000-07:00

Sun, 30 May 2010 - 9.28 p.m.

This is for mere pleasure only. Click here !

PALM READING RESULTS

Healthy eating and exercising is a way of life, not a short-term means to an end. Life has so much to give you, if you can stay in good health. Eat nutritious foods in moderate quantities. Don't eat when you are not hungry.
An opportunity presents itself, but it comes along with a sacrifice. You have to decide whether it is more important to grasp the opportunity or bypass it and regret it later.

The lines in your palms are wrinkles which were created as your hands developed in your mother's womb. The lines reflect the structure of the hand muscles and the way in which you habitually curl your palms and your fingers.

Palm lines:

A) Life Line
This line symbolizes the quality of your life and your enthusiasm for life. You have great potential and a sense of adventure.
B) Head Line
This is an indicator of how you use your intelligence. A strong line indicates that you think before acting. Some breaks represent lack of focus. The slope is associated with creativity.
C) Heart Line
The heart line represents your emotions and health. When this line is straight the emotions are ruled by the mind. In your case there is a combination of sentimentality mixed with good instincts.
D) Fate Line
A strong line indicates balance and strength. The breaks in the line could mean that major changes will affect your life.
E) Line of Mercury
This line indicates intuition and health when it is present. Your lines are faint. Be specially careful with your diet.
F) Line of Apollo
This line suggests great luck or talent. Your success is almost assured, but nothing is accomplished without effort.

These analysis are from Facebook. Do give them a try to enlighten your wall post. Lol.

What does your head line say about you?

Nicholas's result was

You have control over your imagination and use it whenever you wish. You are a sensitive person. You approach new things with caution. Even though you may be capable, you lack self-confidence. You tend to undervalue your capabilities and talents. You might face periods of illness in your life.

What does your Life Line say about you?
Nicholas's result was
You are likely to lead a happy and healthy life. You are likely to be very passionate and romantic in life. You are kind and caring towards those around you. You are ambitious but try not to become complacent in whatever you do and you will achieve much. You are likely... to have some phases of ill health in your life. You have strong will power. Your body will show more resistance in times of ill health. You are more brainy than brawny. There were some restrictions on you in your childhood in school/home. You are likely to lead a comfortable life with less downs and more ups

What does your Heart Line say about you?
Nicholas's result was
You are a very selfish lover. You live for yourself and care little for the people around you. When your partner commits a mistake, you can be very unforgiving. If you like someone, you stop at nothing to get that person in your life. But after winning your love, your devotion and attention level drops like a brick. You are emotional in love. You will have moments of ultimate happiness in your love life. You will have an inconsistent love life filled with casual flirtations here and there. You are likely to be extremely passionate and romantic. Your heart rules your head.

In general, I find the reviews somewhat believable....

Newly Changed Ringing Tones

2010-05-27T04:45:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 27 May 2010 - 7.46 p.m.

It had been more nearly six months since I've changed the incoming call and message alert ringing tones in my phone- W910i. When it comes to ringing tones, I have this silly rule where both the two selected songs must be in different languages.

Previously, I chose 两生关 by Kay Tse as my incoming call alert. This is a theme song from the 2009 highly promoted TVB drama, Born Rich. I feel I could relate with the message conveyed in the song so I was really crazy over it, at that time. For my incoming message alert, I chose My Wish by Rascal Flatts. Rascal Flatts is my all-time favourite Country male group. Their songs are plain superb. So, 'My Wish' happens to be one of my favourites.

At the moment, I find the lyrics of the theme song from the latest TVB drama, ' Sisters of Pearl' sung by Myolie Wu really meaningful and touching. I really love it! Too bad they surrender the song to Myolie Wu..... but it is still definitely for keeps!

Here is the video of the song :

After going through much hassle with trimming the audio, I've decided to not use the song. I figure I need something less emotional for a change. So, I've made a choice and selected another theme song from a TVB drama aired years back as my incoming alert for months ahead. This is also an awesome song, sung by Flora Chan and William So.

Here is the video of the song :

As for my message alert, I chose Justin Bieber's hit, Favourite Girl. Don't have misconceptions: I'm not a Justin Bieber fan but I find certain verses in the song really catchy - absolutely suitable for incoming messages! I'm not always dull and solemn, you see..... Haha!

Here is the video of the song :

Well, what do you think?

Seeking for Another Chance

2010-05-22T00:18:00.000-07:00

Sat, 22 May 2010 - 3.19 p.m.

Phew....

Within almost 2 weeks since Form 6 commenced, I experienced so many mixed feelings in which I find difficulty to express.

First, it was my misjudgement on the subject package chosen. From choosing Biology, I have switched to Computing in the nick of time as I thought I should follow what my heart says. Somehow my dad thought I've made the wrong decision and said, if I were to follow my heart, it'd be going to art stream. That statement struck me so hard. I remember Monil told me this, but I guess it's different when someone tell it to me straight to my face. If I were to stay in Science Stream, why not choose the wiser option? What happened to giving myself more options and go as according to plan?

So, my dad followed me to school the following day-hoping to set things right. Puan Zaliha, our Lower Six moderator claims that switching from Computing to Biology wouldn't be a huge problem but switching class would be a matter she'd like to discuss with the our Form 6 Senior Assistant, Puan Tan Cheng Choo. Okay. The whole point of switching class is because I find that they do stream students according to their SPM results!

Since when do St. Michael's practise this? It's just unreasonable. The elite class for this term is LSS1 and LSS4 for the Physics and Biology classes respectively. I was placed in LSS3 since it is the only class where Computing students are placed. Knowing that my mindset has switched to Biology, I truly yearn a second chance to be placed in LSS4. Aside from this, the teachers assigned to our class are just extreme!

To all Michaelians who happen to read this post, you can be the judge of this:

Pengajian Am & Pengajian Am Statistik - Mr Karunagaran

Mathematics T - Puan Lim Kooi Wan

Malaysian University English Test ( MUET ) - Mr Thederajan

Chemistry - Miss Wong Chin Fui

Biology ( Class teacher ) - Puan Alice

Computing - Puan Leela Devi

Well the character of the teachers are negligible to me, but what bothers me is the way my Science teachers teach. I'm so sorry. I do not mean to be picky but I'm just being a student. A student comments on everything in school. So, I'm still seeking for opportunity to switch despite Puan Tan Cheng Choo rejected my request face to face. So, I'm looking forward for next Tuesday; hoping several students in LSS4 will leave due to JPA and hoping they will reshuffle the number of students. This can be determined upon coming Tuesday.

Speaking of JPA, I wish to announce that I am not selected. Though the outcome was predictable from the very beginning, but it'd be a lie to claim that I'm totally fine because with this in mind, I knew the chance for me to go overseas had just come to an end. Nevertheless, I'm glad this is finally over. It's high time I move on and stop dwelling on fantasies. Time to get realistic!

In the meantime, I wish to congratulate my friends who were successful in getting the JPA scholarship. Wishing them all the best in their future undertakings!

Deterred Vision

2010-05-12T03:34:00.000-07:00

Wed, 12 May 2010 - 6.34 p.m.

Today is the 3rd day of our Lower Sixth Form orientation. It is today that we had to submit the form on the subject package we'd register.

After having numerous discussions with my peers and seniors on the subject package to choose and ponder with intense concentration, I still fail to come up with a strategy unfortunately. I'm totally stuck between the Biology package and the Computing package. Both decisions would lead me to different paths and despite all the critical thinking yesterday night, I just couldn't convince myself on which package to choose.

The presentation done by Puan Leela Devi captivated me on why Computing should be considerred instead of Physics and Biology. Supported by statistics of results, syllabus introduction and involvement of small group of students, I can't deny how attractive this package appears to me. Most importantly, it could enhance my CGPA which could increase my chances of getting a place in public university for Law. Nevertheless, I feel insecure knowing it is a point of no return if I chose this. The scope for future courses will be greatly narrowed down. Truthfully, I do find computing studies somewhat interesting though have no plans to major in it.

For Biology vice, I feel it is a norm for people like me to choose this subject. Seemingly I do not have any interest in this subject, but I was always constantly reminded that sometimes decisions like this should not be judged solely on interests. Frankly speaking, I do find myself more suitable in healthcare related jobs, considering my character. I do not want to appear stubborn headed and just follow blindly on what I feel is right and perhaps I should give a chance for myself to develop interest in such field. However, I am disheartened when I discover only negative feedbacks from my seniors about this subject. Not forgetting my aim is to admit into a public university and my current interest towards law, it'd turn out not worthwhile.

I did talk to my mum about this yesterday. She said both should be alright but she looked me in the eye and tell me how complex the business field is. She reminded me on how much she hated to talk but for entertainment's sake, she had to. And back in those days, she was so pressured with her job as the Assistant Manager who was in charge in everything from sales to accounting, she actually broke down. She claimed that we have to be flexible, tough and confident, more so when law comes in, no matter what sort of lawyer we are referring to. She told me that I have to change my character tremendously in order to seek success in such fields or else, I'll have to work under people's influences and along with that, comes plenty of frustrations.

Then, she touched on the benefits of involving in science related fields. Though engineers and doctors might not stand a chance to earn millions if compared to lawyers and businessmans, but it'd be a stable, relaxed and secure lifestyle, which is exactly what she hopes I could achieve. Free from business tactics, manipulation and politics, it'd be a lifestyle that she hopes I could attain. That's all she mentioned but she stressed that the decision should be made no one other than myself.

In school this morning, I was still so reluctant to make a choice until I was told to hand in the form with the guy standing next to me. It was true despair to make a choice but yet a decision has to be made. I have chosen Biology.

I am currently disappointed with myself . I failed to be true to myself. I know my heart lies towards the Computing package but due to some insecurity and old fashioned thinking, I chose the other package. I realised I am a coward who doesn't have the guts to strive for something that I desire. I chickened out and put my chance to waste. I'm not bold enough to go against the norm and to prove that I'm capable to achieve my ambition despite many doubted me.

My mum called in the evening and was surprised to find out that I have chosen Biology instead because she says she could tell how much I wanted to take Computing. Whether I would appeal to switch is still questionable. At this point, I feel so lost as if I have no vision in life anymore. Everything appears so surreal and illusional....

Proceeding to Higher Education

2010-05-08T00:20:00.000-07:00

Sat, 8 May 2010 - 3.59 p.m.

After months of slacking, it's time to resume my higher education in Form 6, back at my beloved alma mater, SMK St. Michael, Ipoh.

Most seem really reluctant to return to SMI or more precise to say, avoid STPM. Form 6 seems to be the last resort or the forsaken place for those who failed to receive any scholarships or funds and at the same time, have to contemplate on the money factor. Even teachers are discouraging their students to return for Form 6 where they find Form 6 students deserve better offers.

As for me, the duration of this program is not really a major factor but what bothers me the most is the hectic schedule. Knowing all students are required to stay back on selected two days in a week and at the same time, juggling between tuition classes and co-curriculum, I feel I technically have 'no life'. Maybe it would turn out somewhat like my upper secondary, but it's something that I'd not to experience again. Of course, the subjects that I would be taken as explained in depth. Come to think of it, R&D on Sciences and Maths would definitely kill me, literally.

Nevertheless, it is the most suitable path for me to take considering I'm financially unstable and at the same time, no attractive offers. Meanwhile, I could stand a slight chance ( but still ) to enter public university and that would really save plenty of money altogether! STPM cert is also recognised worldwide, in case, I could actually further my studies in places like Singapore or Australia. Perhaps there's no such combination of cheap and easy in this realistic world.

I received numerous offers from private institutes but there are two that actually got me thinking, namely Management & Science University ( MSU ) and Brickfields Asia College ( BAC ).

MSU presented me a conditional offer to pursue foundation studies or diploma programs. Well, knowing foundation only covers 1 year entotal and I only had to study whatever that is relevant with my selective degree program, I find it quite attractive. Too bad they only offer Bachelor of Law and Commerce ( Hons ) which is not entitled for the Certificate of Legal Practice. The total cost fee is RM 12, 460, inclusive of registration fees.

BAC shortlisted me for their Cambridge A-Levels program via The Star Education Fund 2010 and request that I attend the interview held on coming May 15. I was thrilled considering I do not have much expectations. BAC is one of the famous law colleges in Malaysia and I am very interested. It's a shame that the fund only covers 100% tuition fees. Considering the registration and examination fees, there'll be RM 1000++ to cover so I know I had to turn down the offer, IF I get the offer that is.

So, Form 6 orientation would begin on May 10. A new journey will embark but I have a feeling there's gonna be plenty of deja vu....

JPJ Test ( Part II )

2010-05-05T02:03:00.000-07:00

Wed, 5 May 2010 - 5.04 p.m.

This should be considered as epic. I failed my drving road test again, making it my second failure. Well, I think this could be my most expensive failure in my whole life, RM165 and I'm certified to fail within 10-15 minutes on the road.

I had to admit I was indeed going too fast and was absolutely panic. It was even worst than my first failure. This time, it is also a lady who failed me. Well, I believe I would end up failing regardless the gender of the tester. I'm just hopeless when it comes to driving.

Many questioned and encouraged me to 'you-know-what'. I was thorned of course at the thought of it and my mum and I did have discussions regarding this matter. But, she insisted because she really hoped I could pass in the proper manner for future safety.

Sigh. I just don't know what to respond now. I'm not despair or anything but definitely embarrassed and frustrating. I think self-inferiority is beginning to develop in me and I just can't find anything to cease this. I thought I could seek comfort from my friends and posted a wall post in Facebook but only to find that they are more inclined to discuss and debate over 'how-to-pass' tactics instead of prioritizing my feelings. Very disappointed, but then again, I know I shouldn't throw tantrums, before I lose each and everyone of them with my kiddish attitude. What can I say, I'm very needy in terms of attention.

I'm just so speechless at the moment with regards to this driving thing. Hopefully the next post on JPJ test would depict a lively and relieve message.

Enjoying from 10 to 3!

2010-04-30T01:06:00.000-07:00

Fri, 30 Apr 2010 - 4.07 p.m.

Yesterday had been one of those long and tiring yet enjoyable days that I seldom experience.

The main agenda of the day was to register for Form 6 tuition classes so as requested by me, knowing I haven't really been on a public bus alone before, we made school as our first destination. Unfortunately, we were spellbounded when we meet our friends like Woei Hong, Wai Chun, Anandha and Wee Mun and also teachers like Puan Komathi, Puan Hing and Puan Usha. As usual, we chat and chat with Puan Komathi especially till it's actually past 12.00 p.m where we spent approximately 2-3 hours there. However, I'm glad we had a conversation with Puan Komathi. ' Knowledge will never die! ' .Haha.

When we finally reach the bus stop after walking miles from school under the scorching sun, we decided to head for Ipoh Parade instead. Lol. Again, we diverted from our main agenda! Come to think of it, I think we have made the right choice since registrations could be settled via phone and the school has yet to decide on which days of the week would R&D be carried out. So, better safe than sorry since there would not be anya vailable bus stops at Alfa Omega Tuition Centre, I think.

Upon reaching Ipoh Parade, we went to Secret Recipe located at Syuen Hotel for lunch and I happen to meet Bryan, Cynthia and his/her family there as well. After filling our tummies with such splendid food and dessert, we head to Ipoh Parade. As usual, we would visit bookstores and clothing shops ( Chee Hoe ). As for tea, we went Starbucks Coffee. We looked like a bunch of idiots there because none of us are regulars there. The funniest incident happened there was the part where we were finding the straws. Lol.

Immediately after that, we head to Marrybrown since Chee Hoe is feeling exceptionally hungry. It wasn't the most exciting outing for we did not do anything inordinary, but the conversations we had was indeed enjoyable. Both of them left at 4.30 p.m. where I decided to walk alone in Ipoh Parade till my mum comes and fetch me home.

Along the way, I met Ivan, Joe Hang and friends where we greeted and talked before things get a little bit dramatic between one of their friends and a girl. Haha, joking. I decided to walk around and not interrupt. Then, I come across Jane again, who shouted my name for my attention. We stood outside the shop, chat and talked about studies and Eva being in Physics class. Lol. She's indeed an easy conversationalist.

Then. I come across Kong Kar Chun who was wandering alone like me. But, he doesn't seem to be in good terms with me where he just said hello and walk away like some 'meet-a-person procedure'. Followed by Vivian, who is shopping alone too where she told me that she no longer works as a TM Reseller, Suk Wai who's with Patrick in the Food Court and Wooi Liam who was so engaged with his tele-conversation. Finally, after wandering the building thrice, I left Ipoh Parade at 6.30p.m..

Upon reaching home and resting for half an hour, my mum and I head to the night market. There, I meet Daryl again with his sister. Say, I know I've mentioned this but he seemed so much taller the last time I see him. Hmm...no wonder Toh Jun.... haha. Had dinner near my area then return home just in time for Heaven Earth and Dragon Sabre aired on 8tv. Apparently, my dad bought Ip Man 2 tickets from Ipoh Cineplex which starts at 12.00p.m.!

Much to my dismay, the cineplex is actually beyond packed by the Indian community. Not to be racist, but I'm really a little worry when the Indians start shouting and yelling something that I don't understand. Most of them were there to watch Sura if I'm not mistaken. Well, the cineplex looks pretty decent with fairly comfortable seats. Forget the seats and surroundings, the movie was awesome which I would elaborate in my next post.

The movie ended at 2.00 a.m. and it was ranning cats and dogs. Back at home, I had the sudden urge to download this song from a very old drama, ' Romance in the Rain '. Maybe it's because of the rain ( haha, I don't know why ) but I decided not to sleep and download it. This is one of those epic dramas that left a remarkable impression on me. It was past 3.00 a.m. before I finally decided to sleep.

To mark the end of this post, I present you the video of the song I downloaded.

Profound Strategy

2010-04-26T06:09:00.000-07:00

Mon, 26 Apr 2010 - 9.09 p.m.

Am I gonna endure something I dislike yet supposingly right or stick with something I'm passionate of but knowing it's of high risk? Should external factors affect my decision for my own future?

OMG!!! THIS IS SO NERVE-WRECKING!

Of course, I'm sure all this can wait. Seemingly the next path awaiting me would be Form 6, I do have ample time to sought stuff like this which may change with time and new experience. But, I'm Nicholas Chen- the boy who can't help but to think a lot on every single minor thing that comes across my head so I knew I had to made up my mind, regardless if it would remain as planned in the latter years to come.

After much consideration, I have decided to head for Form 6 Science Stream of Biology class-neglecting the opportunity to appeal for Art Stream by any chance unless :

a) Find extreme difficulty to cope up with the syllabus in Science Stream which is very probable, knowing I totally suck in Mathematics and Sciences from the very beginning.

b) Receive suggestions upon transferring to Art Stream for getting atrocious grades and results by the counsellor who feels doubtful with my capability to survive in a a science-based study environment.

The reason why I chose Science Stream over Art Stream in the end :

a) Give myself more time to consider thoroughly. Perhaps I ain't those bold people who would brave the elements and go against all odds to achieve what they feel is right, which is a shame I admit. But, you can't blame me for being hesitant right, for it's considered as a life changing decision where I would have to bear the brunt of the consequences for every decision I make. After much 'self-debate' thoughts, I chose to give myself more time and see where it would lead me.

b) Evaluate my character. There is a need to distinguish between interest and ability. Honestly, I don't find myself Law material nor why am I so interested in getting a law degree for I never have any exposure beforehand on this field. Likewise, I may not like or perform well in Science but I feel like I could adapt to a healthcare science fields like pharmacy or medicine with my kind of personality. Next, would be the type of life I'd prefer? So much to consider and hopefully time will reveal it all!

c) I never find Art Stream subjects any degrading and easier than Science Stream subjects since most of the subjects, I feel deal with intense memorising skills! Though there are basic understandings required but I find Science Stream subjects provides a more wholesome studying approach in terms of understanding, practical and memorising skills. Might sound sceptical here but yeah it's indeed a factor I ponder with some thought.

In terms of the course to pursue in the future, I think I'm gonna put it on hold at the moment but I do have some plannings and thoughts of course. Since the scope narrows down to Healthcare Science and Law, I did picture how it goes.

Let's assume, if I manage to get Pharmacy, Nutrition or Medicine in the public university I would most probably accept the offer and just forget about doing Law. Likewise, if I happen to get offered a place for law, I would accept it and will decide to become a solicitor like how I always wanted.

If I fail to obtain a place in public university for any course mentioned in the above, I would most probably head for Pharmacy or Law in private institutes depending on my perception in the future. For Pharmacy, I would strive my very best to open my very own shop someday but I'd want to serve in the hospital for a certain period. For Law, I would get the degree and skip CLP then study something business or advertising related and try to land jobs in such fields.

LOL. Don't mind me. Silly thoughts but I'm sure everyone do picture how their life would turn out someday, especially on boring days like this. Well, I'm so glad I got the whole Science VS Art thing settled. Then again, I have yet to receive the confirmation letter from school so everything remains a puzzle now. I wonder how Form 6 life would be....

JPJ Test ( Part I )

2010-04-20T04:14:00.000-07:00

Tues, 20 Apr 2010 - 7.14 p.m.

I had my JPJ test today. I manage to pass the first test ( Bahagian II ) but failed at the second test ( Bahagian III ).

With sheer dumb luck, I managed to complete the first test without much hindrance except the part where I struggled a little bit with the ' Bukit ' test as I always do. When it's time to proceed the second test, I knew I'm gonna be in trouble seemingly I was assigned with ' Road A ' which I can't seem to recall despite Ruben hinted some landmarks last night. Well, not gonna elaborate much seemingly it'd be odd to flaunt my stupidity but my driving skills are so bad that she asked me to leave the car before I even enter the housing area. She said I need a lot of practices and have to know where I'm actually going. Sigh... I knew she was right so I'm not frustrated or anything. I even thanked her for her advices before I leave the car.

Aside from that, I was fortunate to have a few companies of three Malay girls and one Chinese boy which I believe really helped alleviated my nervousness. Though I don't even know their names, but we just go on and on. Haha. What a shame! Should add them in Facebook. Meanwhile, I met Jane Lam too. She was queued for the second session and I managed to have a word or two with her. Ironically, my tester was her previous tester who failed her and we are queued number 13. I also came to know that she intends to study law and hates sciences which sounded like me. Guess I'm not the only odd one out! I wonder how she did.....

Fyi, I'm not thorned or depressed. But neither am I optmistic. It's pretty saddening knowing I might have to pay multiples of RM125, in order to pass and I know my cash allocated for this driving lessons is running out. On top of that, my L license is gonna expire early May so I believe that hints that I have to fork out more money.

" People who are poor but smart deserves the utmost respect.
People who are rich but dumb are considered fortunate beings.
But, people who are poor and dumb are destined failures. "

Why does the third statement seem to reflect on me?

Food! Food!

2010-04-14T04:25:00.001-07:00

Wed, 14 Apr 2010 - 7.26 p.m.

Food. When it comes to food, you can say I'm kind of picky...Lol. Technically, there is only two 'conditions' of food that I cannot stand : spicy and chill.

I really dislike spicy food. I just hate that feeling of heavy sweating and throat constriction after consuming spicy food. So, food like laksa, nasi lemak, nasi briyani, curry mee and anything to do with spicyness are out of touch and out of mind except recently, black pepper appears to be acceptable. Not that I never taste them in my life, but I just reject them upon trying. Hence, I was always criticized by my parents where they'll tease my with sarcasm like ' Are you Malaysian? Go live in Western countries please', ' Did you watch commercial? If you never tried nasi lemak, you're not a Malaysian', ' How are you gonna survive in college? They only serve Malay food' and etcentera. Sigh! Well, I'm indeed trying to expose myself to minor spicy food like....KFC Fried Chicken! Lol.

When it comes to 'chilled' food, I'm not to say against it but I just dislike it. Be it sushi or salad, anything that's chilled or not warm like soup that's left long, I'll have to make it hot using microwave. Don't ask me why, I find this irritating too. But, that's just me.

Okay that's basically about my dislikes. When it comes to my favourites, I would say I really love seafood like prawn, fish, crab, oyster and etc, very much like my mum. Aside from that, I do enjoy poultries, potatoes and cheese in particular. Talk about Seafood Cheese Baked Rice! Haha.

Ice-cream and cakes are my ultimate favourite desserts. Many might not know, but eating ice-cream became a habit of mine everytime when I visit shopping complexes. I just love ice-cream!!!!! As for cakes, I seldom get to eat them which is why I really look forward for birthday occasions particularly in June. Two whole birthday cakes!

So, I really like to eat despite my size. Not sure why I couldn't just grow sideways. I tried gaining weight drink and appleton which is still hopeless. I wanna be slightly fatter!!!!! Okay whatever this whole post is so random all of a sudden. Lol.

I'll be away to KL for 3 days to help my dad in sales at PC Fair and mainly because of this, I had to postpone my JPJ test and make one heck of a confusion to everyone. Curse this fair! Well, till then.

Health Problems

2010-04-12T02:04:00.000-07:00

Mon, 12 Apr 2010 - 5.05 p.m.

Now, I'm gonna talk about my health which is kinda lame. Since birth, I was told that I have peculiarly dry and sensitive skin. My mum once told me the doctor claimed I'm allergic to eggs but she never prevented me from taking them knowingly usage of eggs can be considered as very common when it comes to food.

When I was a child, the skin problem only revolves around my feet where it would look excessively dry and layers of dead skin can be peeled off. Not sure how to describe it and what 'defect' it's called, but ya, I endure that during my childhood. Somehow, my parents realised that I should seek medication advice and I was introduced to Vaseline, some petroleum jelly which we were told that it could heal dryness.

In fact, it was quite effective. My skin problem kinda became completely heal or better to say ' became normal ' after prolong usage of Vaseline. This is how I picked the habit of wearing socks in every occasions. Back then, after applying Vaseline to my feet, I had to wear socks even at home so that I wont dirty the floor when I move around and as time passed by, it became a habit. Even after the skin problem at my feet was healed, I frequently wore socks at home until my grandmother find it nonsensical and made me go barefoot at home.

Next would be frequent nose bleeding. But that was ages ago though. However it is quite memorable seemingly I went to the hospital for some treatment where the doctor inserted something in my nostrils which then made me loss appetite for weeks! Miraculous indeed, I don't remember having this problem uptill now. Thank God!

Recently, I think I have ringworm like my dad. It has those itchy kinda feeling at certain areas of my body. At the same time, my palms are experiencing excessive dryness just like how my feet used to be. Nevertheless, I applied some medication so hopefully it could heal as soon as possible. One thing that still remains as mystery: sweaty palms. Many claim that sweaty palms indicate problems with our internal organs particularly the heart which I fear kinda makes sense. My dad is a smoker so I'd know the heart should be the most vulnerable to get in trouble of all internal organs. Every now and then, I do feel like I have heavy breathing difficulties but not severe of course.

Above all that, I never feel hopeless or so because I know all this ain't the saddest case of all. Kinda get used to it too. Perhaps that's the price to pay for never washing plates nor clothes, lol. My 'ex' skin problem cultivated a habit wearing socks and shoes whenever I leave my house. Be it the night market, grocery shop or tuition, I still opt to wear socks and shoes. In a way, it made me feel very comfortable which somehow doesn't makes sense, haha.

Well that's all about my lame health problems, something merely to share. By the way, my application for UEM Scholarship was unsuccesful which I've spent 5 minutes feeling rejected...hehe.

Of Sayings, Quotations & Literature 7

2010-04-11T00:26:00.000-07:00

Sun, 11 Apr 2010 - 3.55 p.m.

Two poems on growing up extracted from http://www.poetryamerica.com/ and http://www.netpoets.com/

Poem #1

Life is so easy
when you are young.
When kisses heal boo-boos
and lullabies are sung.
It seemed that life could go on for years,
as long as the nightlight was there
to quiet our fears.

Why does growing up
have to be so hard?
When did the world become
bigger than our own back yard?
There is no more recess
to stop the stress of the school day.
There are no more falling stars
that can take our worries away.

Decisions are more complicated
now that we are grown,
why cant we go back
to when life was our own?

Poem #2

Paths we take
Choices we make
Paths we take alone
Choices we make on our own.

We all grow up and learn
We all take different turns
Turns in our path of life
Turns that may lead to strife.

Problems we go through
Problems exists in other lives too
Having problems are not wrong
Having problems do not stay forever long.

Conflicts causes growth in many ways
Lessons we learn will always stay
Conflicts we gain as years go on
Lessons we learn, makes us more strong.

My First Scholarship Interview

2010-04-08T01:54:00.000-07:00

Thurs, 8 Apr 2010 - 4.54 p.m.

I attended JPA interview today which was scheduled on 2pm.

After I found out that the interview time had switched from 2pm to 4pm, thanks to Stephen who informed me to check the interview time again via online letter of appointment at the JPA official website, I was pretty laid back in the morning. I woke up at 11.30 a.m. where Chee Hoe called and asked me where the MBI building is located. I believe if he hadn't called, I would still be sleeping...Lol.

The plan was to reach there by 2pm aka the original time in case there might be technical errors in the letter of appointment. But, it seems that 2pm is indeed the accurate time. Thank god. So, my plan to go Ipoh Parade had been cancelled.

While waiting for further instructions from the officers, I managed to meet several interesting people like Adam from SMK Pasir Putih who applied for Engineering and Govin from Sg Siput, Kedah who applied for local Science programmes. When we were sorted to our repective panels, I manage to talk to this very charismatic guy from UTP whose name is Wei Keat, if I'm not mistaken. He can even speak French which I find really impressive. He applied for Applied Science I think.

When I was placed in a group with 4 girls, I had long conversations with this Indian girl which her name I have forgotten. She's indeed an easy conversationalist and she is a Malaccan who studies in UTP now. Suddenly, I have this impression that everyone from UTP seemed so friendly unlike how I was told. Anyway, there are 5 of us in a group: 1 law, 1 local science, 2 engineering and 1 accounting.

One word to describe my interview: disappointment. The introduction was okay despite in Malay language until I start making funny hand gestures and used English for certain terms like English judiciary system which I should say ' sistem kehakiman Inggeris '. Fortunately, I equipped myself with the prominent law schools in UK so when they asked me, I managed to name a few like University of Cambridge, University of Leeds and University of Reading.

However, the gruelsome part was the 'giving opinions' session where we are suppose to give our views based on a statement given. Our question sound something like this : Do you think applying our national language ( Malay Language ) can promote integrity and unity among Malaysians? My first reaction was ' OH MY GOD ! '

I was the last to answer so I just said ' I support her statement that using the same language can promote understanding among races '. She seemed confused so I told her ' I'm afraid that's all....'.
So silly isn't it. Though they were some points presented, but many gave nonsensical reasons like Malay language is our lingua franca, something to do with encyclopedias, respecting Malay elders and etc which is a totally and utterly nonsense because none of them is actually relevant to the question or statement given which emphasises on unity and integrity among Malaysians. But, at least they said something.....I didn't even take the initiative to say anything else despite how hard I'm trying to find something relevant to say. Haiz! Worst of all, that's teh whole interview session. Just one freaking question as an evaluation! At that point, I knew chances of me getting the scholarship is equivalent to 0.

So here I am. Not sad or heart broken, just disappointed. Maybe I myself have put some hope into this in the first place, causing me to feel really disappointed. Perhaps I have laid hope that somehow I could just get the scholarship and avoid myself from enduring 2 years of Sciences and Maths that I totally find regretful. Well, at least it's a good experience. My first interview experience....

What I find more saddening was the number of people who wished me luck. I don't want to sound overdramatic for something small but I could merely count them using my fingers. I was always there to bid them luck or etc at any occasions but in return, it was never the same. I fear I might have overestimated certain friendships where I think we weren't as close as I thought we may be. Meanwhile, I would not want to get deeply hurt like what happened to me last year....

Above all that, I could classify the interview as a good experience. With this, I guess I should just be focus with getting into Form 6 and stop finding ways to deviate from that plan and have false hopes. At the same time, I should really reconsider my option so I should just get myself to Form 6.

At least one burden is taken off my shoulder now. Next stress : driving! Lol.

Speaking of Languages

2010-04-02T23:23:00.000-07:00

Sat, 3 Apr 2010 - 4.03 p.m.

Seemingly I'm so bored at home, I suppose I'd blog about some random fact about me prior to my previous post "Misconceptions". In fact, somebody made a request for this...Haha.

It's hilarious everytime when I recall how people would react when they found out that I could speak Cantonese proficiently ( sort of ). Majority thought I was a typical 'banana' who can only interact using English...LOL.

Many might not know about this, but I was actually placed in Wesley Kindergarden when I was young. I can't really remember a single thing, but my mum once told me how I'd cry everytime when there is Chinese homework. There'd be this exercise book where we have to copy the Chinese characters written by the teacher and I am required to fill up the whole page! As said, I can't recall such painful memories, which is a good thing. Then, I was transferred to SK Jalan Pasir Putih, near my area.

At that time, I remembered English was the only language I used in conversations except with my grandma, whom I would use broken Cantonese since she could only understand broken English. Haha.

Well, I start to pick up Cantonese when I was transferred to SK St. Michael 2. Ironic, but yeah. Perhaps it's the friends that I hang around with, I tend to speak Cantonese more often at home and in school. At the same time, my parents tend to rent those TVB dramas in tapes everyday without fail and I were to watch with them. Since the dramas were in Cantonese, that made me used Cantonese as my main language at home instead of English, right up till now. It'd be awkward for me to use English to speak with my parents and relatives.

Meanwhile, English replaced Cantonese as my main language in school when teachers start to complain about us not using English to communicate. With that, I feel unease when I were to use Cantonese to speak to my friends except a few close, common ones. That's how I've turned out to be. Until now, I still have the tendency to avoid speaking in Cantonese with my friends.

I would say TVB dramas or Hong Kong dramas had been the loyal teacher that was never tardy in helping me to pick up Cantonese. Through their dialogues, I get to learn proper pronunciations for certain words. When I was interested in the theme songs of the dramas, I learn to sing their songs and manage to recognize some Chinese characters as well as through subtitles of the video. When watching those ancient theme dramas, I managed to pick up some literary proverbs. All thanks to TVB dramas! Who says watching television is a waste of time?? Lol.

Of course, I still have much to learn like how to write in Chinese which is the main thing here. But as for now, I should feel a little proud for being able to pick up this language without any proper guidance except the 'bo..po...mo...fo...' class I had in Standard 6. Currently trying to write basic Chinese, but I figured I should hone my English first seemingly it is more important and applicable for now. Maybe I would just opt for Free Cantonese Lessons via online someday.

Well that's all about me and languages. I'll be posting more random facts about me these days so drop by more often if you are keen to find out!

Of Sayings, Quotations and Literature 6

2010-03-27T01:53:00.000-07:00

Sat, 27 Mar 2010 - 5.04 p.m.

Some interesting quotes edited from the novel, The Alchemist by Paulo Coelho that I read recently:

" You must understand that love never keeps a man from purusing his destiny. If he abandons that pursuit, it's because it wasn't true love.... the love that speaks the Language of the World. " - Alchemist

" People are afraid to pursue their most important dreams, because they feel that they don't deserve them, or that they'll be unable to achieve them. We, their hearts, become fearful just thinking of loved ones who go away forever, or of moments that could have been good but weren't, or of treasures that might have been found but were forever hidden in the sands. Because, when these things happen, we suffer terribly. " - The Boy's Heart

" Every search begins with beginner's luck. And every search ends with the victor's being severely tested. " - Alchemist

" When you want something, all the universe conspires to help you achieve it. " - King

" Never stop dreaming. Follow the omens. " - King

" ....Today, I understand something I didn't see before : every blessing ignored becomes a curse. I don't want anything else in life. But you are forcing me to look at wealth and at horizons I have never known. Now that I have seen them, and now that I see how immense my possibilities are, I'm going to feel worse than I did before you arrived. Because I know the things I should be able to accomplish, and I don't want to do so. " - Glassware Shop Owner

" It's this : that at a certain point in our lives, we lose control of what's happening to us, and our lives become controlled by fate. That's the world's greatest lie. " - Old Man

" If you start out by promising what you don't even have yet, you'll lose the desire to work towards getting it. " - Old Man

" If a person is living out his destiny, he knows everything he needs to know. athere is only one thing that makes a dream impossible to achieve : the fear of failure. " - Alchemist

" Usually the threat of death makes people a lot more aware of their lives. " - Alchemist

Meaningful Visits

2010-03-26T04:23:00.000-07:00

Fri, 26 March 2010 - 7.23 p.m.

My visit to school for two consecutive days was indeed meaningful and pleasurable.

With the intention of hanging out together with three different groups of friends at Jaya Jusco on Monday after certifying our certs for scholarship applications ( in my case, The Star Education Fund 2010 ), I knew it was gonna be a hectic day.

Okay we'll go back to the hanging out part later. It brings a pleasant feeling to me when I meet up with the teachers, especially my subject teachers like Miss Wong and Puan Komathi on that day. But, what was meaningful is that the teachers are willing to give their opinions on my dilemma like our beloved, Puan Shaw Wanni. Even, Mr Ravindran who was occupied with his job as usual was readily there to give me some solid opinions towards my dilemma.

The session with Mr Ravindran was really thought-provoking. I mean he managed to relate to my current situation. As a result, he told me to just opt for Science Stream and tried my best to achieve 4 flat and he said he knows how to guarantee a place for me in Law. He said I should be more confident for I seem to have the 'flexibility' as shown in my results.

Of course I didn't made up my mind based on those outrageous statements but what drove me to make the decision was the fact there was a never a choice for me to make in the first place, which he hinted. With my results, I'd be offered Science Stream by the government and only stand a chance if I failed miserably during evaluations and supported by some career assessment. This sort of slap some conciousness in me, where I realised the decision has already been made for me at the very beginning.

Meanwhile, I also met Thean Soong-the King of Crap, haha whom I'm supposed to have lunch with him in Jaya Jusco. Too bad my gang and I spent prolonged hours there in school till I had to sacrifice that chance. At the same time, Marjan and I were also half an hour late for the movie, where we were priorly invited by Jin Hong and gang as a final gathering before Stephen heads for National Service. The movie was pretty amusing with vampires and all...haha.

I manage to spend some time with Jin Hong and gang and managed to talk to Stephen whom I find a bit down when I mentioned about NS. Perhaps he is indeed reluctant to go. I mean I would rather die but as the notable President of Scout, I thought he'd be hyped up. Whatever it is, at least no one has to worry about him there.

Second day visit to school was prior to a lunch gathering with some of our teachers. Similarly, Puan Hing, Puan Usha and Puan Thevanei were there to give me some opinions towards my dilemma. I technically spent an hour talking to Puan Hing, with Joshua and Pavin. Never thought Puan Hing was so dedicated to advice me. Well, she did point out some valuable information that I should consider about. Generally, she told me to pursue my desire for she could sense that I could do well in Art Stream. Hmmm.....well it was nice to hear some words of encouragement.

As planned, Puan Roslinda, Puan Nor Hamisah and Puan Noorazlina teem up with my gang and I at Pizza Hut for a lunch gathering. Everyone was glad to meet Puan Nor Hamisah again though she claim the environment in SMK Anderson was comparatively better...Lol. Anyhow, we had great fun though we hope more teachers and friends would show up.

As they said, the bigger the crowd, the bigger the fun.

Happy

2010-03-20T07:47:00.000-07:00

Sat, 20 March 2010 - 10.48 p.m.

Everything revolving in my life now seem to be so discouraging.

I proceed to work for my aunt which I thought I could finally escape from those complicated issues in the previous company. And it's true, so much peaceful now but I basically do nothing there except entering stock codes which is so darn boring. At the same time, my dad initiated his own business which is related to TM also where I am required to help my dad with registrating applications seemingly I have the knowledge to do it and they wouldn't need to hire an administrator. Meanwhile, my dad depends on my aunt's office seemingly he could not afford to have an office. In a way, I had to be there, juggling between his stuff and my aunt's assignments merely because of the telephone line and fax machine. When I finally decide to quit my aunt's job, my mum was not pleased seemingly that's the job that I could get an income.

I'm not sure but I feel like I'm toyed around. I mean I'm suppose to prioritise learning instead of the income, but somehow she made it sound like I'm actually responsible for bringing income to the family. My aunt criticized that I was too choosy and was not serious. I don't blame her seemingly I was slacking, but I knew from now on, I would get nag by her and all I can do is just persevere! At the same time, my dad and I was blamed to have steal cases from my ex company which he used it as an excuse to delay the salesman's payment. While my ex colleague was actually spreading bad news about me in the TM consumer department. All of a sudden, I just feel so sick of all this and tired as well. But yet, I have no choice seemingly my dad needs my help.

Then came, the education problem. As mentioned in my previous post, I had to choose the route that oppose my will. Actually there's a story behind it. I remembered one day I had a very intense argument with my mum. I questioned her naiveness that she could actually do internet related business without actually having internet at home? Plus, I was totally disconnected with my friends because of not having an internet connection. So, she cried and told me something like this:

" Why can't you be more mature and try to relate to our current financial status? I'm so tired of being the sole breadwinner in the family. With a husband that changes numerous number of jobs, I'm so exhausted of supporting the family. If it's not because of him, I could even support two families with my current salary. You think I don't want to you further your studies in overseas?! You think I want to limit your social life?! It's because we don't have a choice. It's been years since we put on with this, so why complain and give up now? Why not endure for two or more years when everything will be fine? "

I myself couldn't control my tears. Thinking back, I remember I was have anything I want. I was the earliest to have a Playstation 1, I have Astro and I even have a cell phone at 8 years old. But with my dad's numerous business failures, everything seemed to be taken away from me. First, it was Astro. Then, it was the whole electricity thing where we had to endure boiling water to bath and persevere when there is no electricity everytime when raining. Then, it was the phone line. I'm now living in depletion. I know there are many out there with even worst fates but I just can't help comparing my life with my friends. At this stage, I wouldn't ask for anything luxuries nor do I even hold the dream to further my education in overseas. All I want is a normal life with normal requirements like a computer, electrity, water, handphone and etc.

It is of this too that I chose to pick the alternative education route. They are right. Aren't the whole point of studying is to shape a better future for myself? Lead a stable life and have job satisfaction? I don't want to risk having to suffer my whole life. With this too, I realised that many decisions are seemingly out of our hands. No one says we could end up with something we desire... that I have experienced throughout my life.

Another matter at hand, I feel like I'm starting to feel like I'm agitating everyone with my pessimistic thoughts and elaborations to an extent many think that I'm selfish. That's true, I admit. Perhaps I was naive enough to think that all friends would be there for me whenever I need to share my problems with. In a way, I feel much better discussing it but I was not considerate I suppose. At this moment, I feel so guilty and sorry.

How could I miss the most engaging problem, the friend problem. Though things have finally seem to settle after he voiced out what he really feels, but somehow the awkwardness is still there. I'm not sure when would be the right time to initiate a conversation because I'm afraid I appear too desperate and he would feel annoyed again. At the same time, if we don't communicate, then what's the point? Somehow, I just don't see why it is so hard for us to actually communicate. We were never like that...I really hope things would stay the same like last time. But, I know I have to learn to accept because I can't afford him to hate me. I just hope he remembers our promise to each other...

I know it's crucial to just focus on the future, be grateful with what I have in the present and don't let the past overshadow me. I know we must persevere in every phase of challenges. But above all that, I'm just a normal human being. When caught up in a series of unfortunate events, we end up being exhausted which slowly leads to depression. Depression brings hopelessness and progresses to giving up.

Whether like it or not, life must still go on but I'm really curious to know what more obstacles are awaiting for me? How much further must I persevere? When could I just be happy?

An Inevitable Decision

2010-03-20T01:09:00.000-07:00

Sat, 20 March 2010 - 4.09 p.m.

Upon receiving our SPM results, many of us are making plans towards shaping their future education and I'm of no exception.

In Form 4, I have made up my mind to study Law in the future. Not sure how I could develop interest in that field seemingly I'm not a debater nor do I possess good argumentative skills. Perhaps I find lawyers very authoritative and knowledgeable; how they could generate different perceptions in one specific case and write contracts that could not be litigated. It's just so cool. In another perception, maybe it's got something to do with my passion in writing? Though my English is below average, I just like to elaborate statements and just play with words nor it's because law studies has no connection with Mathematics and Sciences?

Whatever the reason, Law seemed to be my main choice in terms of selecting a course. I tried to like Accounting but learning Prinsip Perakaunan Form 4 and Form 5 made me realise I just can't seem to deal with figures. There's just something agitating about them. I don't hate doing accounts though, but I don't like it either. So, in Form 5, I knew Law would be the one....

Just when I thought interest would concur it all, I was discouraged by all elders including my parents. They actually called up some professor from Nanyang Technology University, Singapore and he claimed I was stupid enough to pick Law as my major. He said I was naive enough to think that Law is easy, for he said graduating in Law is even tougher than studying Medicine and Engineering. He mentioned something about understanding Imperial English. Forget what he said, the conversation made my parents officially go against my will to an extent I could say they forbid me to pick up Law, try to convince me to go Form 6 Science Stream and technically 'promoting' me the benefits of being a doctor.

They questioned why I would study something so difficult and end up suffering in latter life? Aren't the whole point of studying is to provide a good future for yourself? Why study to get bully during chambering? Why make them worry that I could get stuck in political affairs? Why risk everything merely for your interest? Why not endure few years of something you don't like and end up with a stable and satisfying working life? I just fail to give a solid answer from the questions above.

I was quite disappointed and upset seemingly they don't understand where their son's interest lies. Everyone knows I dislike calculations and logic thinking but at the same time, the facts they presented are undeniably true. All elders seem to think that way and I figured they are the ones who could give me solid advices seemingly they have been in the business market for their entire life. Am I being stubborn and hard headed again?

Being stuck in two different point of views really makes me thorned. But after much careful thinking, I have chose to just go for Science Stream, Biology class in SMI which also means that all the scholarships I applied recently are put to waste....

As painful as it is, I realised there are instances where we don't get to make choices we desire which I'm pretty familiar with since forever. Maybe I'm just not determined and bold enough to prove everyone wrong. Right now, I'm just so unhappy knowing my dream might be left to die for good and there would be no turning back. All I yearn now is a more pleasant form of misery....

Brand New Gadgets

2010-03-19T09:36:00.000-07:00

Sat, 20 March 2010 - 12.37 a.m.

Good news!

I've got a personal laptop now, not that Compaq laptop which I got it from my ex-company. Anyway, my mum got fascinated by the design and that's the reason why she bought it though it's a second hand product. I like it very much as well though I'm more concern on the price they charge. Really glad we bought it eventually...

The model is Sony VAIO VGN-NW25GF. Below shows how the model looks like:

Check out this website if you want to know more details :

http://www.sony.com.my/product/vgn-nw25gf

With a new laptop in hand, my dad managed to get a Celcom Broadband and the trial period is 1 month. How I wish it could lasts longer for I felt so left out in every social network especially Facebook. Nevertheless, it's better than none and I'm aiming to make the most out of it!

So, don't be surprised to see me online at the most odd hours. Haha.

A Day To Remember

2010-03-12T01:08:00.000-08:00

Fri, 12 Mar 2010 - 5.09 p.m.

The moment I set eyes on my results, I was really surprised but more to a sense of relieve. Looking at my dad who was almost in tears made me realize how not overjoy I am. I mean I am grateful and happy, but not as happy as I thought I would be.

Well, I along with a few friends like Pavin, Joshua and Nicholas Low went to meet the teachers in the staffroom and had a few chats with some of my teachers namely Miss Wong, Puan Roslinda, Puan Thevanei, Puan Komathi and Puan Senthamarai just to name a few. It was really nice to know that the teachers are happy for me. Deep in my heart, I wish I could told them how grateful I am to them.

Then, I decided to follow the gang and head to Jaya Jusco together. Seemingly Arvinth alone couldn't take all of us there, somehow I volunteered to become the bus clan and decided to take the bus. Maybe I want to expose myself to a new experience, I don't know but it was quite a journey from school to bus stop for the five of us. We endured tiredness and impatience together and made it to Jusco in one piece! Haha.

Nicholas Low decided to join his workmates and go KBox while the other three went to join the rests at IMax after we had our meal at McDonald. I guess it was a stupid decision that I decided to went off alone and wander the mall but I knew I shouldn't join them.

I technically tour the whole mall except the toilet. I did went to the arcade but the games kinda suck. Along my 'tour', I met some familiar faces like my aunt, Nakhieeran and friends and Ho Yeen. I never knew Ho Yeen was such an easy going person. He spontaneously engaged himself in telling me his experiences in National Service and his future plans of education and it was really nice chatting with him. At least, it filled some of my boredom.

I also called Chee Hoe and have random conversations with him. It was nice talking to him, not because he likes to talk but he really seem to listen to what I'm trying to express and really gives solid opinions. Perhaps that is why I tend to call him whenever I need to talk with somebody. Meanwhile, I also texted my tuition teachers which is something I have agreed to do. As expected, they merely congratulated me..Lol. I also received many texts from my friends whom congratulate me. Thanks guys, truly appreciate it.

Dinner at Momo cafe was okay I guess. Only half the class showed up and everyone seem to have their own gang as usual. Nevertheless, it was truly a fun day out. Hope there could be similar gatherings in the near future.

SPM Results

2010-03-12T00:08:00.000-08:00

Fri, 12 March 2010 - 4.09 p.m.

I am truly relieved! My results appear much better than I expected which is straight As!!

I never see myself as the straight As material. Perhaps I am really lucky to obtain such results. Two years of struggle and efforts did paid off eventually.

I hereby post my results to my faithful readers for your acknowledgement...

Results : 4 A+, 3 A and 3A-

Bahasa Malaysia - A
English - A+
Sejarah - A+
Mathematics - A+
Pendidikan Moral - A-
Additional Mathematics - A+
Biology - A-
Physics - A-
Chemistry - A
Prinsip Perakaunan - A

Additional certs :

GCE O'Level English - 1A
LCCI - 1

So, I would like to express my gratitude to all my teachers and friends for their guidance throughout this two years. I wouldn't be able to achieve this if it hadn't for them.

To those who obtained their desire results, I congratulate you from the bottom of my heart. To those otherwise, I hope you could allow yourself to heal with the passing of time and move on with a brand new spirit.

With the SPM results out, many would be rushing to apply for scholarships or even intake including myself. If interested, we could share details on any information on scholarships. Just leave me a comment anywhere noticeable. Thank you.

Pre-SPM Results Day

2010-03-09T19:59:00.000-08:00

Wed, 10 Mar 2010 - 12.00 p.m.

The day that we have been waiting for....

SPM RESULTS DAY

I have so much to talk about but I guess I'm gonna make this real short and let my results determine the tone of my next post. There's nothing much we could do, really except just wait.

For now, I hope all 2009 SPM candidates would brave the elements and face your result with plenty of optimism.

ALL THE BEST!

Towards A New Working Experience

2010-02-28T06:59:00.000-08:00

Sun, 28 Feb 2010 - 11.01 p.m.

My dad and I had finally resigned from our jobs at that company on the 27th!

It had indeed been quite an educational experience for me. This job exposed me to the standard procedures of the Telekom work flow and how applications are registered through their self-invented Multimedia Inventory Provisioning System ( MIPS ). With that, I get to meet and deal with Telekom personnels and representatives of our agents such as TM Aero and SNS Network. All this makes me feel so.... awkward. I mean I don't meet people of my age and it really reflects how much of a kid I am in the group. Receiving complains and delivering bad news to customers were also of great experience, as it directly improves my lying and pursuasive skills. Haha! Actually, the job of a processor is easy peasy ( and you heard this from me ) but the challenging part would be referring problem cases to Telekom personnels for them to follow up. So, to those who are actually interested in this job in the future, do give it a try!

On the other hand, the working environment there made me realise how cruel the business world could be or more accurately, the people in the business world. From spreading rumours to stealing sales to collective protests, I never knew things could actually progress to such stage. Looking at how friends could betray one another and how jealousy could lead to vengeance, it was quite overwhelming. Each and everyone in the office seem to have their own dissatisfaction and own agenda. I'm not sure if that is counted as educational for me but it had definitely made me less naive in person.

To be very honest, I too had actually plot against my colleagues and I never knew I could actually do that which kinda scares me. I once backstabbed my colleagues and channel rumours to the boss through my dad, plus I made two telemarketers dislike each other when I purposely turn on the loudspeaker in a supposingly one-to-one conversation where one of them was actually backstabbing the other. My actions are morally degrading, I know but above all that, everyone plots against each other at some level like how I was actually bullied and isolated in the first place. Plus, what I did was considered minor. If I hadn't done that, I would have possibly become my colleagues' assistant. Maybe that's how the business world works....But don't worry. I'm still the same old Nick, lol.

Anyhow, I truly had not regret taking up this job. At least everyday does not appear dull and anything could happen. I had real fun listening to gossips about love affairs, office politics, collective protests and resignation and hijack cases and all that in one office! Phew...time to move on to a less complicated and dramatic environment!

My aunt hired me as her 'personal assistant' where I presume she would teach me some basic accounting or bookkeeping like costing. Work starts from 8.30 a.m. to 5.30 p.m. and salary is based on hour basis ( not sure what she meant by that ) but slightly higher than my previous job. Well, my aunt is a strict character but I bet I could learn a lot from her and that's the whole point of working. So, yeah. Gonna start work tomorrow itself!

14 Blades

2010-02-21T01:45:00.000-08:00

Sun, 21 Feb 2010 - 5.46 p.m.

With my dad being extra active yesterday, he decided to take my mum and I for a movie at TGV in Jaya Jusco. When we arrived at the cinema and queue up to buy our tickets, I found Jia Xin working at the counter. It was quite awkward but I'm glad to meet her. Too bad I haven't got a chance to wish her luck face-to-face for next week's STPM results day.

We ended up with tickets of the action-packed Cantonese movie, 14 Blades. Despite we were quite upset with our seatings which is the freaking first row, but I somehow knew that this would not be a regrettable decision.

The choreography, I mean fighting scenes are truly remarkable though a bit too fast for me to catch at certain scenes. The plot is interesting too where there are morales and some romance behind the story , not just fight and fight and fight for some lame agenda.

Besides, a movie starring Donnie Yen and Vicki Zhao should have their standards. Plus, how could we resist a movie starring two current heartthrobs: Wu Zhun and Kate Tsui? Lol.

Overall, it was a captivating movie and definitely a must-watch. I'm glad my parents watched the whole movie and that's major! Trust me, a movie that could keep my dad and mum awake throughout the movie especially when we were given such seats would not be horrible..Haha.

Double Happiness

2010-02-14T08:35:00.000-08:00

This year, we find Chinese New Year and Valentine’s Day fall on the same day, 14^th February which we have not witnessed before since 1953.

My thoughts on Chinese New Year……

My most favourite event in my life!

Aside from the money-packed ‘angpows’, I say I love the whole atmosphere. Even before CNY commenced, we could hear those festive songs playing from every corner in town. which really elevates the festive mood in everyone. This is also the only time where I could stimulate my taste buds with those CNY delicacies including my favourite ‘Yee Sang’! Meanwhile, I get to meet up with my relatives which allows us to have great chats and laughters with each other. In fact, I enjoy watching the reviews of the 12 zodiacs this year. Not that I believe whole-heartedly on such things, but I do find it quite fascinating to know. Usually, I’d find it funny….LOL.

Though my house was kinda lacking the CNY ‘feel’ this year with the absence of shimmering lights due to the electricity problem, but I guess what matters is the people that we are with. I suppose that’s the whole point of Chinese New Year: to be with your loved ones.

My thoughts on Valentine’s Day…..

No comments ( LOL ). However, I would say Valentine’s Day act as a great recognition to all couples out there as forming couples was indeed a blessing and should be cherished. To those seeking for love, hope Cupid descends upon you!

With loads of love, sincerely wishing everyone:

HAPPY CHINESE NEW YEAR

HAPPY VALENTINE’S DAY

Reconcile

2010-02-14T08:03:00.000-08:00

Sat, 13 Feb - 10.34 p.m.

After two months of not interacting with each other, Chee Hoe finally came back NS for his 4 days CNY break. So, we had an outing together at Jaya Jusco.

Aside from the haircut and looking a bit slimmer, he look the same. At least, I could still recognized him in the CD shop which I so happen to pass by. He seems to be the same Chee Hoe I met, which I’m so thankful. I thought there would be awkwardness at first, but I feel no barrier from him at all. Guess I was thinking too much again. So, Marjan, Toh Jun, Chee Hoe and I went for bowling, steamboat and walk around the complex to conclude the day. We had great conversations and updated each other with our current lives but I suppose I technically ruined the supposingly fine and meaningful day from out of the blue. All of a sudden I can’t get my head off that ‘issue’ and appear to have mood swings. So sorry guys! This was unintentional and I totally regret it now. It could have been a more memorable day.

I guess I was expecting too much from him again, which I know he could and would not reciprocate to it. I couldn’t believe that I’m still affected by this issue after this long period of time but I just can’t withdraw myself to it. I’m truly sorry for pushing him. Perhaps I really wanted to be great friends with him, like how Monil and Ruben make me feel and it’s so upsetting to know that he doesn’t feel the same after so much that I’ve been through for him alone.

There and then, I feel that he was really bothered and tried to hurry conversations. There seem to be nothing that he’d want to know from me. Even after a month of not saying anything to each other, he don’t sound fascinated at all. It’s like a procedure where he had to greet all his friends and that’s it. But, has it really occurred to him where if there are no conversations anymore, then what could actually let us keep in touch seemingly we don’t even meet anymore? Does impression itself sufficient to sustain a friendship?

In a way, I know it doesn’t matter to him anymore. He is fed up of this and I don’t blame him seemingly I know it is partially my fault. I never intend to treat him like a stranger but I just can’t seem to detach and find the balance in this. Fortunately, this phrase popped into my head when I was nearly fretting:

“ 如其看我们之间的友情慢慢枯萎，不如像煙花一徉；在他燒的最燦爛的時候離場，我們之間還有美好的回憶..... ”

“ Rather than to look at our friendship withering with the passing of time, let us depart and exchange goodbyes where the fireworks are still seen burning magnificently before they vanish into thin air. Perhaps then, there would still be some memories for us to cherish. "

Yes, edit this from a drama. I was planning to elaborate on this sometime back and it came at the perfect timing. Hopefully whatever act I did in the future would not wash away our footprints in the sand.

My Very First Job

2010-02-10T04:46:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 11 Feb 2010 -10.10 a.m.

It had been exactly one month now since I engaged myself in the working scene. First and foremost, I would like to congratulate myself for pulling through the entire month and most likely till the end of February at J&C Atlantic Sdn Bhd or now JJL Associates Sdn Bhd, Telekom dealers of Perak branch....

To those that are clueless on what I'm working as, well my post is actually known as Data Entry. Don't be deceived by the name because I don't just enter data...Haha. To be frank, my thoughts on the job before accepting the offer was to pick up phones, type letters and enter data (LOL), but I was cast as the role of a Processor.

So, what does a Processor basically do? As Processors, we register applications that were passed down by our company's salespersons. Registration is easy peasy but in terms of new fixed line or what we call new DEL line and Streamyx, we are required to monitor the status of application everyday till a status called 'Lengkap Siap' or 'Active' is achieved. Meanwhile, the Del line application and Streamyx application cannot be keyed-in simultaneously. Generally, it takes about 1 or 2 weeks for everything to be fixed. If the applications were on hold for too long or rejected, Processors are tasked to interact with customers, Telekom representatives (PTT) and occasionally contractors.

I suppose I could manage my task pretty well now after 1 month of experience despite I still do make silly mistakes like sending to the wrong PTT or forget to attach the status page as evidence. I could still remember how I was complained by the PTT Perak the very first time I was eligible for sending mails. Haha. Well I'm now in charge of registrations related to consumer sales which the procedure is much brief and simple compared to business sales but the number of rejected applications are so much!!!

A lot of events happened during my stay in this workplace....

I started out as an office boy who technically arrange forms and photostat as three other processors ( N,K and W ) were not exactly helpful to me as expected. Since my dad is the Sales and Marketing Business Partner and Head of Consumer Sales Department of this company, I received extra attention from the Managing Director of the company which I think made them rather jealous. After N left, we discovered that N had not been managing her work well which cause a big havoc to the company. Rejected cases were not followed up causing complains from customers. Some forms were missing in action and in fact, not registered! So, I was pushed to the scene and become a Processor myself.

At first, it was really tough for me because K and W were really caught up with their own work and weren't exactly enthusiast to guide me. At one point, they were actually pretty rude to me and started isolating me when they mentioned they need to becareful with some people ( obviously that's me ) and end up chatting in MSN. I admit I do make stupid mistakes which caused severe inconvenience like wrong details and stuff. As 2 weeks passed, I was entitled to do basic registration and check statuses on my own.

K whom is in charge of finance and all sales registration find it extremely pressure to cope. Big boss finally appointed me to be in charge of registering all sales from the Consumer Department and here I am. It was so pressuring at that time when I had to cope with registration codes and constantly stay alert of both K and W as I realised they had actually tricked me into using a wrong password. As lonely and saddening as it was, I managed to pull it through.

The barrier between me, W and K was shut down when I realised how mischievious and stingy the boss could be. When facts about his true self reveal one by one; like how he treated N after they broke up, how he'd drag our pay, how he claimed K found another job and fired him on the spot....It was truly scary,this man. I guess this proves that we couldn't judge a book by it's cover.

Technically, it's just me and W now. Both of us have decided to leave the company like how N, K, the SME sales team, V and R by the end of this month. With that, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Sock Mei, KC, Kevin, Lina, Rashidah, Wilson and many others that have guided and accompanied me during my service in this company. Though there were some bitter moments in the beginning, but glad everything turned out sweet.

Plus, who would have thought a character of low potential like me could actually hold such jobs. I admit if it wouldn't for my dad, I could never get hired. I'd end up as a salesperson or promoter like the others. Then again, I'm really thrilled for I received many compliments and praised my ability to handle the job of a Processor as my first job with 0 working experience. So, for once, I'm really proud of myself. Not because I got compliments, but for not quitting like how I always do.

I say 1 month of working made me more driven to studies. Working is definitely tough business. Not that it's hard, but studying is just much more..... enjoyable. So much more that I would like to talk about my job but I guess some details are best not revealed.

By the way, I'm disconnected with the social world now seemingly I could no longer go online at home. So, hope work really does occupy most of my time. Well that's all about my first month of working; a truly dramatic and realistic experience.

Mamma Mia!

2010-01-31T02:17:00.000-08:00

Sun, 31/1/10 -6.30 p.m.

Yesterday had been an extreme day. Unlike the typical me, I'm only gonna mention about the good part of my extreme day: Mamma Mia!

At first, I was kinda bothered when I am placed separately from my mother but that changed my mind when I knew my table was the first table facing center stage. Besides, my relatives were there so there's no need for ice-breaking. Apart from the VIP seat, we discovered that some of our dishes were quoted VIP too. Not only that, the cameramen seem to focus his shots on us during our meal. It was awkwardly hilarious. Generally, the food was okay. It would've taste better if they are served hot, something I'm very particular with.

Alright enough about the unimportant details. The musical was complimentary excellent. I truly enjoyed myself. The choreography was entertaining,unique and contagious. It makes me feel like dancing which keeps my feet moving throughout the night. The casts not only look great but they sound great especially the leads. They sang those ABBA hits which entertained the audience, leaving us wanting for more. These are the songs they sang in the musicale:

My only critic was the explicit content in some scenes like the guys running around,posing and dancing with their underwears. But undeniably, I believe those were the elements that would make the crowd broke into laughters and they did. Personally, I find that scene kinda disturbing because I could see something that I shouldn't see...Lol. There were also some 'thought-provoking' words which really was explicit. I better not mentioned it here but I guess the night proves that I'm no longer innocent like a blank sheet of paper. Haha.

There were a few scenes I find particularly memorable like the part where Sophie help her boyfriend put on his swimsuit and tell her how much she cared for him;romantic. Another one was the scene where they sang Voulez-Vous -love how they choreographed the part where Sophie come clean with her three dads in the party. Also the scene where Donna sang 'The Winner Takes It All' to Sam, it was so touching. And many more....

You see, what makes this stage musicale extra special is the fact that my cousin sister was playing the lead role, Donna! Ru Jing really surprised me with her versatility in dancing and singing in every single scene without singing out of tune. It was really weird watching her playing mum but she did amazing. When she sang her solo, "The Winner Takes It All" , it was truly a proud moment. In fact, I never knew she has an English accent! I'm sure her family was happy with her. His dad purchased five tables of RM50 per seat as an act to support her daughter's breakout performance.

The night definitely proved to be worthwhile and I enjoyed every second of it! Here are five featured songs of Mamma Mia: The Movie as a recollection of ABBA, which their songs still captivate the people from all walks of life. Enjoy!

Handbook 2010

2010-01-24T02:52:00.000-08:00

Sun, 24 Jan 2010 - 7.00 p.m.

I went through my inbox today and found this particular e-mail sent by Ruben about two weeks ago. I remember reading, but just briefly. At that time, I thought it was some ordinary message that people tend to forward to everyone else. Surprisingly, I find it thought provoking in a way after reading the contents concisely.

With that, I will copy and paste the contents here before I officially empty my inbox.

___________________________________________________________________

HANDBOOK 2010

Health:

1. Drink plenty of water.
2. Eat breakfast like a king, lunch like a prince and dinner like a beggar.
3. Eat more foods that grow on trees and plants and eat less food that is manufactured in plants..
4. Live with the 3 E’s — Energy, Enthusiasm and Empathy
5. Make time to pray and read your Bible daily.
6. Play more games .
7. Read more books than you did in 2009 .
8. Sit in silence for at least 10 minutes each day
9. Sleep for 7 hours.
10. Take a 10-30 minutes walk daily. And while you walk, smile.

Personality:

11. Don’t compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. Don’t have negative thoughts or things you cannot control. Instead invest your energy in the positive present moment.
13. Don’t over do it. Keep your limits.
14. Don’t take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
15. Don’t waste your precious energy on gossip.
16. Dream more while you are awake.
17. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
18. Forget issues of the past. Don’t remind your partner with His/her mistakes of the past. That will ruin your present happiness.
19. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone. Don’t hate others.
20. Make peace with your past so it won’t spoil the present.
21. No one is in charge of your happiness except you.
22. Realize that life is a school and you are here to learn. Problems are simply part of the curriculum that appear and fade away like algebra class but the lessons you learn will last a lifetime.
23. Smile and laugh more.
24. You don’t have to win every argument. Agree to disagree…

Society:

25. Call your family often.
26. Each day give something good to others.
27. Forgive everyone for everything..
28. Spend time with people over the age of 70 and under the age of 6.
29. Try to make at least three people smile each day.
30. What other people think of you is none of your business.
31. Your job won’t take care of you when you are sick. Your friends will. Stay in touch.

Life:

32. Do the right thing!
33. Get rid of anything that isn’t useful, beautiful or joyful.
34. GOD heals everything.
35. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
36. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
37. The best is yet to come..
38. When you awake alive in the morning, thank GOD for it.
39. Your Inner most is always happy. So, be happy.

___________________________________________________________________

Thank you so much, Ruben for this forwarded email of yours! Hmmm.....I hope I could practise at least half of these rules. Haha.

Dinner at Moven Peak

2010-01-16T20:51:00.000-08:00

Sun, 17 Jan 2010 - 12.52 p.m.

Last Thursday, we had a dinner gathering at Moven Peak. It was pre-planned by Ruben and I knew I had attend this.

After work, I walked to Parade as planned to meet Marjan only to find Nakhieeran next to him. While waiting for Ruben's call, Nakhieeran told me that the SPM results will be out on February instead of March, unlike previous years. Meanwhile, application for Form 6 begins on early March it seems. This news really surprised me at first, but on second thought it is actually a decent news.

I seemed reluctant to accept this news initially because I knew the faster my friends and I meet each other, the faster we would forget each other later on. Knowingly things would change at some point, I guess it just doesn't matter anymore. Moreover, I'm so looking forward to study again and I never thought I'd actually say that....Then again, this has yet to be confirmed.

So, Ruben finally called but he wants us to walk to MBI then Restoran Saleem which is steps away from my office. So, it was a really big sweat to me. Pu Ana picked us up minutes later and dropped the four of us at Moven Peak. Moments passed and about 7 other familiar faces arrived. Well, I had real fun grilling food but eating the different types of desserts was the most enjoyable. For the first time, I had ice cubes as ais kacang. Haha. With people like Stephen, Loo Sen and Guo Kang there, their lame jokes and teases seemed to become to the center of attention.

Generally, it was really nice to meet most of my friends again particularly Nicholas Low and Ruben. Though the dinner gathering was merely okay to be frank, but I'm glad I showed up. It managed to carve a smile on my face throughout the night; something that I haven't done for days ever since work.

Here are three random shots that I randomly snapped that night :

I hope we could have such gatherings in the near future with everyone there....

Starts With Goodbye

2010-01-10T07:23:00.000-08:00

Mon, 11 Jan 10 - 11.40 p.m.

I met Ngam's brother and mother at Jusco last Saturday night. I can't help wondering how Ngam is doing now? Is he having a blast there? Being a nocturnal person, could he get used to sleeping and waking up early? Yesterday, I actually sent a short sms regarding my current lifestyle to Chee Hoe as promised and even received an sms from Jin Hong, asking me to do him a favour. It turned out that I really missed all my friends who left for National Service.

Sincerely, I hope they would have an experience of a lifetime. I wish each and everyone of them would change towards the better and they appear confident as ever. I trust they would make lots and lots of quality friends that enhances their social lifestyle.

However, I just fail to convince myself that our friendship could remain the same after they officially come back from National Service despite many of them tried their uttermost effort to reason out to me. Perhaps I have less faith towards friendship, I actually feel intimidated by the people that they would befriend there. Knowingly they'd spend months living together in the same area and even going through joy and hardship, it's undeniable that the memories we had together are no longer comparable.

Then, there are those who would embark on their tertiary studies. In fact, Monil had already left to Disted Stamford College, Penang. Being my best friend since forever, I have so many unexpressed thoughts and sentiments. I'm still reluctant to accept this fact, but in one way, I'm glad he managed to enrol in the institute he truly desired where many had failed to accomplish that. Next, would be the UTP fellows.... Sigh. Anyhow, I sincerely wish you guys all the best!

Haiz! Is this the point where everyone starts to go on their separate ways? Is this the part where I am suppose to move on? I'm truly sorry for myself as I failed to face this similar issue with optimism once again, but the feeling is just unbearable. Bittersweet events really add a tinge of complication in my life. I'm not sure if I'm strong enough to endure this change in the upcoming future. Someone please teach me ways to deal with such complications. Please!!!

P.S. Please don't even think of leaving without saying goodbye if I do matter to you.

Stepping into Working Zone

2010-01-07T07:17:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 7 Jan 10 - 9.11 p.m.

Now that I'm keen to start work and gain job experience, I decided to linger around my dad's workplace today before I joined my friends in Ipoh Parade. According to my dad, I could grab this opportunity to go for a job interview and officially meet the Managing Director of J&C Atlantic Sdn.Bhd, Nicholas Ng.

Everyone giggled when they found out my name is Nicholas too. Anyway, the job interview was awkward because it was incomplete. He did not say lines like ' You're Hired' or 'Welcome to the team' and etc. I was supposed to fill in the interview questions but he left when I completed it. So, I'm pretty dumbfounded but my dad smiled and assured me that I have indeed got the job.

I managed to meet Natalie, which I would takeover her job as the general clerk beginning Thursday. She seemed pretty friendly and bubbly. When I clarified that I was planning to start work on Monday itself, she was kind enough to let me go where we were in the middle of writing a letter to Telekom.

It seems pretty odd to me knowingly I know nuts about the pay and working hours but I suppose it's the experience that matters. I heard I would be dealing with Telekom personnels as well which is more than what I've bargained since I thought clerks would deal with paper works only. I would elaborate more on this when I actually start work. Lol.

As planned initially, I met up with Keen Ho, Toh Jun, Marjan and Chin Eng in Ipoh Parade. We managed to meet Calvyn, who is currently working in Parkson under the Electrical Appliances department, Wai Keong, who is working in I-Max and Jian Weay who is working in Parkson at Radioactive under the Clothes Department.

After having hilarious and fun-filled moments at K-Box, Toh Jun and Keen Ho headed to Parkson to meet a promoter after Toh Jun received a call. To sum it up and minus the complicated situations involved, they both got the jobs under the Clothes Department. Keen Ho would work at Pierre Cardin and Toh Jun at Nic. To whom I mentioned their names and their workplace in this post, you know what to do when you get your salary. Haha...

With that, most of us would indeed be working. So, there would be less personal time and we’re actually taking up serious responsibilities. I'm not sure about the others, but I'm anticipating for it. I might sound naïve, I know but at this stage of mine, I just need to occupy my time and avoid dwelling in nonsensical stuff like I'm always inclined to do so. Plus, facing the computer 24/7 is not that enjoyable as how I once pictured it. I promised myself that I would use my holiday wisely and working seems to be a very good first step. In fact, I have fulfilled one of my objectives literally. Hence, wish me Happy Working everyone! Lol.

Time to Get Busy!

2010-01-03T00:18:00.000-08:00

Sun, 3 Jan 10 - 4.18 p.m.

It's January. Unlike previous years, I could no longer fret about going back to school after a long term holiday. Sigh,I really miss going to school. I miss waking up early at 6.00 a.m. to prepare for school. I miss wearing the smart-looking uniform. I miss doing homework. I miss my teachers who rant about students nowadays. I just miss the routine so much.

Most of my friends would be leaving this month as well. Some like Ngam, Chee Hoe, Jin Hong, Tihn Chern and Eng Sien left for National Service. Ruben, Yoong Xiang, Guo Kang and Tuck Khein would soon be leaving for Universiti Teknologi Petronas. Thean Soong would opt for Foundation in Management in Multimedia University and Monil looks hyped up to apply for January intake in A-Levels. Technically, everyone that I'm close with is actually leaving. Perhaps this is exactly the point where all of us would be in our separate ways and it's just embittering.

However, life must go on regardless whether we like it or not. There are only 24 hours per day and I should not fill most of the hours with depression and anxiousness. It is impossible not to feel upset, but there is also a choice where we could try to control and alleviate the 'pain' with the passage of time. As Jin Hong said, I do think too much. Perhaps the key to being happy-go-lucky like him is to be simple-minded. I wonder why it seemed so difficult to cultivate that in me.

Now, I suppose it is time for me to work on my objectives that I planned to accomplish within this long term holiday. As for now, getting my driving license and finding a job would be my priorities for this month. With that, I would not have time to blog frequently like now. But, I would not abandon the blog seemingly it acts as my medium of expressions.

Hopefully everything sails smoothly!

New Year, New Beginning II

2010-01-01T02:33:00.000-08:00

Fri, 1 Jan 10 - 6.33 p.m.

With the arrival of a new year, there would be new resolutions. These are my resolutions for year 2010 :

1. Improve my personality

Being a pessimist and a reserved person, I would try my very best to accept changes in me that could would mould me into a better individual. I should be more proactive, optimistic and sociable in general. Then again, this would be a progressive self-update that only time will tell. But this would be my first resolution of the year.

2. Cope well with studies

Similar with every other years, studies would always be one of my priorities. Whatever the Pre-University program that I would opt for, I would hope to cope well with my studies particularly this year. The learning approach would be different so as the study environment. So, have to be well-prepared indeed.

3. Look better in appearance

I think I need a makeover. Now that I'm no longer a teen, I should learn to style myself. Be it the hair and the clothing. If compared to people of my age nowadays, they appear so mature and I'm not sure if I like that, but that seems to be the trend now. Plus, I need to increase my weight because I look so unhealthy. Not sure how, but will work on it!

There are indeed many more things to do but I suppose these three would be the main ones. They are common but definitely easier said than done. Hopefully, I have sufficient commitment to fulfil them.

Generally, I hope 2010 would be a less extreme year compared to 2009. Opportunities to seek for serendipity would sound awesome too.

Passage To 2010

2009-12-31T20:07:00.000-08:00

Fri, 1 Jan 10 - 12.07 p.m.

With Chee Hoe's days in Ipoh decreasing day by day before he leaves for National Service, we had planned an outing at Ipoh Parade in hope to make some fun-filled activities for our reminiscence someday. Plus, it was New Year's Eve. Unfortunately, he could not make it for the outing at the very last minute due to an unforeseen occurrence where he had to head to Kuala Kangsar.

Though a big disappointment, but the outing had to go on either way. So, Marjan, Toh Jun, Keen Ho and myself made plans of our own which we managed to eat breakfast and lunch, played bowling and perambulated the mall.

As originally planned, we actually headed for Kbox, which was the supposing main agenda. Haha. I still could not believe that I actually would opt for such places. But, we agreed that it might be of good experience. Unbeknownst to us, we actually had to reserve a room. The payment is also fairly expensive where we had to pay RM21 for non-members and RM10 for customers with student cards. When we reserved the room, it was said to be available only at 4.00 p.m. However, Marjan had to leave early and made the three of us struggled actually, unsure whether to wait next time with more people or just give it a go. But we decided on the latter.

I didn't know I would actually sing with people in the room. I know I sounded horrible but somehow, it was more to hilarious than embarrassment. So, we did sing some songs of different singers which mostly of Westlife and Raymond Lam. And yup, not only I sang my voice out, I actually sang Cantonese songs and I'm so surprised I could actually recognise the Chinese characters. I'm not sure if I'm hyped up with it but it was definitely fun! Now, I could tell everyone that I have been to Kbox before. Lol.

With that, the three of us parted our separate ways back home. As for me, I had round two : barbecue at my dad's friend's house. So, I went home first to change then headed to Botanical Garden. I thought it was a bungalow, so when I reached there it was a real shocker. To be frank, I rather stay at home seemingly I know no one there. Though majority of them are kids of my age or less, they behave and look like adults. Thank you Monil for willing to chat with me via sms. I'd be bored to death.

The food is undeniably delicious where not only the lamb is well marinated, they even have a chef to cook each of us chicken chop and it taste great. Still bored, I kept on sipping wine and some pure chocolate with 17% alcohol with milk. I'm not sure what it's called but it tasted like coffee. I think I drank 7-8 cups of both wine and that 'coffee' without me realising it.

I actually did not count down ( SAD!! ) and I didn't even manage to make a wish at 12.00 a.m. The sms-es that was drafted since last week were failed to send out. But thankfully, I received feedbacks that they indeed received my messages so I apologize for the nuisance caused. Actually, you guys should be flattered! Haha.

Suddenly, they had this birthday celebration going on where they had some cake fight to the extent, they even hit me with cake despite I know nothing of them. Guess what, they are in fact girls. My dad was playing too, haha. I just try to keep my distance from them. By the time, I reached home it was 2.30 a.m.. I believed I could also tell people the symptoms of drinking too much alcohol. I wouldn't say I'm drunk because I could still chat with Monil, walk in a straight line and buy stuffs at 7-11. But, the increase in body heat was undeniable to the extent I actually sweat. My head does feel kinda heavy, like it would progress to a headache. Do try it out! Lol.

A heart warming wish to my mum who would be relaxing at Thailand! Hope she could really relax and have tremendous fun after going through this seemingly never-ending financial issue of ours. Have a safe trip mummy!

So, these were the events which filled me to a brand new year. Not forgetting to bid everyone:

HAPPY NEW YEAR 2010!

Have a promising and fulfilling year ahead!

New Year, New Beginning I

2009-12-28T22:03:00.000-08:00

Tues, 29 Dec 09 - 2.04 p.m.

According to the definition stated in Wikipedia, the New Year is the day that marks the end of one year and the beginning if the next year. With that, I am gonna write a post on how the major occurrences that make 2009 memorable for me and my resolutions in 2010.

The year 2009 had been too extreme for me. I'm not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing but it would be definitely memorable. Well, at least I have things to write about. It is absolutely not a dull year. Haha.

I'm not such a pessimist as how people see me. I do acknowledge certain events that I would truly cherish. One of it would be prefecting. This year, I get to become a senior! That means a minor role model for my juniors. And that's quite major to me. I mean I was always the one to be guided, not the one who guides. That, in turn, really boost my confidence and sharpen my leadership skills. I become more sociable and actually have friends from different forms. So, it was truly pleasurable to know that I have changed for the better if compared to the lower forms where I actually became the shadows of my well-known friends. Now, people would recognise Nicholas Chen as Nicholas Chen, not somebody's friend. Back to prefecting, I feel quite surprised when I actually received the Most Improved Prefect Award and I feel really honoured! Special thanks to Benjamin for his never reluctant guidance in building my leadership skills. I would not say that I'm caliber, but there is definitely improvement and that is satisfying for me.

Aside from that, I would say I really enjoy bonding with my classmates. This year, I get to know most of them better, namely Ruben, Jin Hong, Woei Hong and Wai Chun just to name a few. I actually regret not knowing them earlier, particularly Ruben. I think we'd be close friends right now if we did. Being a part of SC2 for term 2008/ 2009 had been the most enjoyable thing in school. I admit that I dislike the craziness and some childish act some portray at times, but I am so glad that I'm included in all that. Be it sweet or bitter experiences, they are truly memorable. Thank you so much to Monil and Tan Kian for persuading me to enter this class. Meanwhile, I have also become closer with a few SC5s namely Chee Hoe, Marjan, Toh Jun, Keen Ho and Daryl to the extent that I actually hang out most with them in outings. Thank you so much for accepting me. To sum everything up, I suppose I no longer have the right to say that I have no friends and etc. I'm so thankful for having a wide circle of friends that would be there for me whenever I need them as such during my conflict with somebody. Countless unexpressed gratitude!

Next, the major issue of the year. If you have followed my blog, you would know what it is. I would say that our conflict had contributed the most saddening times for me throughout the year. Not gonna elaborate this since I have mentioned them in my previous post, but just to tell that I could not believe that I'm capable to give in so much for one person. Until now, I still can't understand how I could be so attached to him after all the bitter experiences that we have gone through and most importantly, with the fact that he still does not reciprocate the way he should. Knowing I can't blame him either way, I just feel so exhausted.

I wouldn't say knowing him is regrettable because there were indeed good times together. For instance, I remember the scene where he told me his childhood past. It was Pendidikan Moral at that time and his past was truly touching to me. Then, there was the scene where I asked him to accept me to become his best friend again. The concern he showed through his eyes and his advices are really memorable to me. Then, there was the scene where he tried to approach me after some argument we had. When I looked behind, he ran straight back to Monil's place. That was hilarious because I had to pretend to be serious. Then, there were those times where I would throw tantrums at him. It's irritating I know, but it's ironically enjoyable to do to him. I do cherish the good times we had, but I guess he'd forget...

Many asked me to just screw him and move on, but I guess I should learn to trust him and just be happy with the way things are. Plus, learn to accept the fact that things will not be the same again. But, I never doubt that our friendship is genuine and there is definitely philia love. So, I'm gonna trust him- trust that he would keep the promise. Hopefully we would remain same after the 3 months...

As for the undesirable events, it would definitely be the financial problems faced by my family. It had contributed a minor change of lifestyle to all of us. I would say we could adapt to it now but we just couldn't help to fret once in a while. No more hot water and we have to boil water to bath. No air-conditioner, it's just fan now. During heavy rain, electricity will go off and that means using candles. That brings back the memory of me actually studying in the dark during SPM week. It was Monday I remembered which Chemistry paper was the next day. Being a spoil child ( I admit this ), it's still quite unbearable for me. Not only that, I have no choice to choose my desired pre-U program. Dad seems to change his job every now and then. This is seen as a large obstacle for me, but i guess I had no choice but to concede such fact.

Finally, the end of upper secondary life. It is still pretty overwhelming for me. Despite knowing that it is a 'must' stage that everyone would come across it in their lives, watching helplessly every connection I formed with my friends becoming further and further apart day by day yet knowing there's nothing we could do to change it is really bothering me. I'm gonna miss the teachers as well, every single one of them. Haiz...perhaps good things do come to an end like what Ruben said. I wonder when could I finally just move on and stop being emotional about something that is just meant to be. So, all I can say is ' We stay connected!'.

Well that generally concludes my life in 2009. Check out my upcoming post on my resolutions in 2010.

To be continue...

Myers-Briggs Personality Quiz

2009-12-27T23:53:00.000-08:00

I believe I am a / an ....

Introvert(I)

Your best ideas often come after you've let them "percolate" for a while inside your head. While you enjoy some social gatherings, you tend to prefer in depth, one-on-one conversations with a few people rather than having lots of brief conversations with many different people. After spending several hours socializing, you'd probably like to recharge your batteries by being alone for a little while. You tend to listen before talking and don't like to compete with others for "air time." It may take awhile for others to get to know the real you.

Intuitive(N)

You tend to be most interested in ideas and like to consider future possibilities. When you are having a conversation, your brain is constantly making associations and you can easily see connections to other ideas and concepts. As a result, you often remember your impression of conversations and can relay the gist, but not the precise wording that was used. You probably enjoy brainstorming ideas and seeing long term implications and would prefer to be involved in creating the vision of what could be rather than executing the many steps involved to get there.

Feeler(F)

You tend to be most comfortable in the part of the decision making process that involves focusing on how the people involved will be impacted. You tend to decide based on how you and others will feel about the situation and have a strong need to be true to your own personal values. A top priority for you is maintaining harmonious relationships and avoiding tense, conflict-ridden situations. You may be very sensitive to the emotional undertones of any interaction and probably work to avoid others having hard feelings or not feeling valued.

Judger(J)

You tend to be driven towards closure whether making a decision, making a plan or completing a project, and may feel uncomfortable when things are too unstructured or left undecided. You probably have two separate modes: "play" mode and "on-task" mode. When you are "on-task" you can seem rather serious and get stressed since it's important to get your tasks accomplished on time. You may work for long periods of time without taking a break especially when you are close to finishing a project. You probably have a to-do list and derive satisfaction from checking off completed items.

INFJ

INFJs inhabit a world of ideas. They are independent, original thinkers driven by their strong feelings, and personal integrity. Sensitive, committed, hardworking, and perceptive, INFJs are often excellent listeners, skilled at generating enlightened and creative solutions to people's problems. Thoughtful and careful decision makers, INFJs prefer to have plenty of time to let ideas “percolate” before taking action. Because they value harmony and agreement, INFJs like to persuade others of the validity of their viewpoint. They win the cooperation of others by using approval and praise, rather than argument or intimidation. INFJs go to great lengths to promote fellowship and avoid conflict. They are also often perfectionists highly focused, and driven to accomplish their goals. Rather formal and reserved, INFJs can be difficult to read, but it is critically important to them that their values, needs and concerns be understood and respected

What do you think?

The Before, During and After Christmas

2009-12-26T05:18:00.000-08:00

Sat, 26 Dec 09 - 10.16 p.m.

Christmas Eve:

Christmas Eve was pre-planned as usual. It seemed like a tradition for my family to celebrate Christmas with my aunt and family at their house except last year, my mum and I celebrated Christmas at Rum Jungle. That was really memorable!

Well, we did go to my aunt's house for dinner. Too bad, my dad had to leave way earlier since he had to work till 1.00 a.m. but we would be going there to join him. Basically, it's just the kids that filled our time. We too had a great laugh while scanning through the album on our trip to Cameron Highlands.

At 11.00 p.m., I grabbed my presents ( 3 only this year ) and bid farewell. My mum urged me to unwrap the presents and I did what she told. Apparently, I got a T-shirt, a novel and a handphone cover. Sook Yean also gave us a calendar with Ethan's picture on it! Here's the picture that is featured in the calendar:

It really got me thinking. Looking at my two nephews, it's still a little awkward for me knowing that my status has been elevated to an uncle! I felt like I'm pushed into another stage of life and I'm not ready yet. I'm still a teen at heart. And looking at how the number of presents decreases year after year just seem so ironic to me. Haiz...I guess I'm finally a big boy now!

So, my mum and I reached Lee Garden. Situated opposite Jusco, this building looks majestic and beautiful in its very own way. Meanwhile, the guest performer was 朱浩仁 or Hao Ren, some local artist. Well, his performance did not captivate me at all. We didn't exactly countdown in fact because my parents seem so tired. So, I just bid them Merry Christmas with a smile.

Immediately, I sms-ed a few of my friends the Christmas greetings I purposely seek through the internet. I am quite interested to read their replies. Some were teasing, some send me a creative message, some a failed joke, some a sincere thanks and some a big sweat reply. Anyway, thanks for replying guys! It does mean something to me.

To be honest, I find people seem to lack the festive mood and it made me feel so kiddish to be so hyped up about Christmas. In fact, I'm not even a Christian. Hopefully, people would be more enthusiastic about New Year! I want to go pub for countdown! Haha.

Christmas Day:

Initially, I wanted to ask Ngam out but he couldn't make it. So, I asked Keen Ho instead. I guess it was some technical error that made me thought he was actually coming which in fact, he is not. Fortunately, I managed to find a substitute- Toh Jun. So, technically we just walk aimlessly around the mall while chatting away.

I did find pleasure at the arcade. It had been years since I actually played the arcade games. Well, Toh Jun was enjoying Tekken since there were challengers from time to time. As for me, I enjoyed playing the car driving game. It was indeed very fun. Later, we watched some dance performance and had cake for tea at Secret Recipe. I just love Marble Cheesecake!

Later, my mum, grandma and I went to Restoran Tuck Kee for dinner at 6.00 p.m.. That was where Monil sms-ed me telling me that he is finally back from Turkey and that was enlightening to know. After dinner, my mum and I were invited to attend another buffet dinner by my mum's friend.

So we headed back to home only to find that there is no electricity supply, again. If it was a usual day, I would claim it as a misfortunate event. However, it's Christmas and we were actually lighting candles. Haha. Like this whole positive-minded thing. After cleaning ourselves, we went out for that dinner.

The buffet was alright seemingly there were turkey, beef and clams. The karaoke session was kinda nice too. In fact, they actually sounded very good. Each and every one of them; unlike those who get so carried away, they went out of tune. The people there were hyperactive so I'm glad I was there. It really brought out the festive mood.

Meanwhile, I was trying to ask Monil out on the 26th seemingly my dad works at Parkson on that day. Unfortunately, Monil couldn't make it so I had to cancel it. After the dinner nearly ended, we were invited to proceed to the next segment at Ipoh Swimming Club.

I entered the bar lounge, only to find that it is more like Kbox then a bar. All aged people were there and everyone were singing karaoke. But, I must say that I'm amazed with how they sound! It's like they had been singing since forever. The only factor that's bothering me is their song selection. It's all heartbreak and regret themed songs and it's contagious! So, that is how my Christmas ended.

Boxing Day :

As planned, I went to Parade alone. Actually, I was planning to sell off those Australian Education prospectus, hoping they are of certain value. Unfortunately, it was closed! Thank god my dad works at Parade. So, I left my bag at their booth and I went walking around aimlessly.

But, I spent most of my time at Popular. I was actually reading Chapter 1 of Ekonomi Asas...Haha. Quite interesting actually. Then, I scan through some prospectus on higher education and read a paragraph of the English Legal System.

It actually struck me by how fast time seem to fly. I remembered how I would use to search for SPM reference books. Now, I'm actually looking at the STPM section. At the same time, I wonder if I could really proceed to the Law section. It is indeed overwhelming.

While perambulating the mall alone, I just can't help to notice the people around me. Everyone seem to come in pairs or groups and they seemed so happy together. When I come across people that walked alone like me, they seemed to portray a sense of moodiness. I wonder if I portray such look myself. The more I tried to hide it, the more it was getting to me. I guess I'm a real needy when it comes to friends. I wonder if it's normal for me?

My parents and I had Kenny Rogers before we left Parade. Though I'm a little upset with somebody for not wanting to show up yet does not want to admit it, but I'm glad I came anyway. It was better than staying at home and facing the computer 24/7.

Most of my buddies will be leaving for National Service next week. I really want to meet them seemingly it might be the last time. Anything could happen within 3 months! I'm trying to instill some positiveness in this at different points of view but they do not seem promising. I wonder if we could have an outing at the end...

Merry Christmas!

2009-12-24T03:23:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 24 Dec 2009 - 7.24 p.m.

A shout out to everyone :

MERRY CHRISTMAS !

圣诞节快乐 !

FROHE WEIHNACHTEN !

FELIZ NATAL!

When I think of Christmas while typing this post, Christmas Don't Be Late from Alvin and the Chipmunks: The Movie just popped in my head. So enjoy the video!

Wishing everyone a very merry and jolly Christmas !

May the spirit of Christmas bring you peace,
The gladness of Christmas give you hope,
The warmth of Christmas grant you love.

Is it Fated?

2009-12-23T22:22:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 24 Dec 09 - 2.29 p.m.

Forget about prestigious colleges and going overseas. I'm just dying to escape my fate from entering Form 6 and taking STPM.

Well, I'm not anti-STPM. In fact, I was hoping to go for Form 6 once upon a time since STPM is internationally recognized. But, now that I would opt for Arts Stream, the subjects offered is really unacceptable for me mainly because they are all in Malay except Mathematics S. I don't hate Malay language, just that the thought of doing something so extreme and yet not being able to apply it in my future course is so agitating and worthless.

Aside from this issue, I was constantly reminded that Art Stream teachers are less dedicated if compared to Science Stream teachers. I'm just an average student, so I yearned for a dedicated teacher to conduct the lessons. More so, when I was originally from the Science Stream. So, I do not have the basic knowledge on subjects like Ekonomi Asas and Perdagangan which would make it twice harder for me to cope with the subjects.

Above all that, transferring to Art Stream may be problematic as well. So many procedures to follow! Some may have to wait for months before they could successfully transfer. In fact, some are can't transfer at all. If the latter would have happened to me, what should I do at that time; hanging halfway?

Everything seemed so unpredictable now. It's like the future is no longer in my hands; I could no longer shape my future pathway and choose what I want to become. Those research and planning of mine seem to become a waste of time and energy. All mainly because of the money factor! I guess financially poor people like me has to concede such fate yet have to constantly remind myself to be thankful for there is still a chance for me to continue my studies. This is so embittering! I wonder if anyone could relate to how I feel currently...

I concede my misfortunate fate but I would not give up thoroughly! I'm putting efforts in searching for an appropriate institution that offers A-levels program with an affordable amount of fees. Meanwhile, I'm starting to look out for scholarships like everyone else though the chances of me getting one is absolutely low as compared to the thickness of a piece of paper. Then again, it's not wrong for trying right?

Hopefully miracles do shower upon me.

Drama Theme Songs

2009-12-22T06:05:00.000-08:00

Tues, 22 Dec 09 - 10.05 p.m.

Well, I have finally finished watching Beyond the Realm of Conscience and episodes away from completing Born Rich!

Aside from the interesting yet distinct plot and outstanding casts in both the series, the theme songs are actually very nice too.

1. Beyond the Realm of Conscience- Main theme

Yet another very good song from Susanna Kwan; comparable with the theme songs for Heart Of Greed and Moonlight Resonance. Though a little old fashioned for me, but her vocals are just amazing.

2. Beyond the Realm of Conscience - Sub-theme

This song is not really nice to be frank. I do believe Charmaine Sheh has no talent in singing, but the song gives a soothing feeling somehow and you must concede that it is quite catchy.

3. Born Rich - Main theme

The lyrics are good and Gallen Lo's voice is really decent to hear.

4. Born Rich - Sub-theme

I'm a fan of Kay Tse. I love some of her songs very much and this is one of it. Not that it is really nice, I feel like I could connect to the meaning of the song. Perhaps it sings my current expression, so I find this song particularly great.

A Trip to Cameron Highlands

2009-12-22T02:58:00.000-08:00

Tues, 22 Dec 09- 6.58 p.m.

Day 1

My parents and I initiated our journey to Cameron Highlands at 2.30 p.m. after visiting the Perak Edu Expo Fair 2009 at Stadium Indera Mulia. In the car, I knew it was the perfect time to take a nap. When we finally reached Tanah Rata, we were stuck in a major traffic jam. It's so critical that we only moved 1 km per hour. So, we reached the villa at Valley View around 8.00 p.m. where everyone else was there, preparing for steamboat.

I was so disappointed to know that Mei Li and Mei Quen weren't there because their dad forbid them to come due to some diarrhoea problem. So, it seemed kinda incomplete without the remaining two. Well steamboat was enjoyable. I'm not such a big fan of steamboat, just that the adult conversations they had was really hilarious to listen. Bad words would come out from time to time and ironically, it was entertaining.

After steamboat, it was time to celebrate my grandmother's birthday. This time, all of her grandchildren were to put on similar T-shirts and take a group picture. So, we had photo-taking sessions according to our status. Of course, there would be the cake cutting ceremony where we would sing the Birthday song. As usual, Daniel would be incredibly excited to blow the candles and baby Ethan seemed perfectly enthusiastic as well.

With that, we proceed to the next segments: drama or mahjong. Well, the main agendas of this trip was mahjong for some adults and drama for those who can't play mahjong. Boring, I know. More so, I have watched it before but thank God, it was Rosy Business so I don't mind watching it again. Consequently, I end up taking some pictures of me via phone by myself. Seriously, I don't see the fun in taking my own pictures. Perhaps I don't like how I look? Haha.

Day 2

I overslept! Uncle John wanted me to join him and Mei Theng to visit some attractions at 7.00 a.m. But, I was found conscious at 10.00 a.m.. So, I just missed my only chance to tour around Cameron Highlands. Hence, I am stuck with the TV and playing with baby Ethan... Boring I know. But I did find pleasure playing with Ethan. He is soooo cute!!

Later that day, almost everyone went outside to chat while I sat on the rocking chair. That is where I took a proper view at the breathtaking landscape. Surrounding the villa are arrays of temperate multi-coloured blooms and plants which seems to give an invigorating feeling when my eyes laid on them. When I tilt my head slightly facing the grey sky, I could view the majestic mist-shrouded mountains. Sitting there while getting enthralled by this picturesque scenic landscape with the cool wind embracing my face, I felt so relaxed and trouble-free for the first time after countless months ago. It's like those overwhelming feelings that haunt me seemed to fade. How I wish I could stay that way...

At 6.30 p.m., we had barbecue. I just hate barbecue. Fortunately, my parents were kind enough to 'barbecue' the food for me. So, we had marinated lamb, marinated chicken wing, corn, salad, fried rice, bihun and sausages. As for me, I was gulping wine throughout the barbecue. Don't get the wrong impression on me; it was of the weather. It was so chilly outside and I know drinking tea won't help.

When rain descended, we quickly rushed in to the villa. So, it was drama time again. I was really enthusiastic about watching Beyond the Realm of Conscience again but I was ridiculously lethargic. So, I head to bed at 9.30 p.m. and even gave up the chance to go Starbucks with the youngsters of the house!

Day 3

We were informed that we had won a lottery out of many lotteries in conjunction with my grandmother's birthday. We won starters or something....I'm not sure. It was 4228, Sook Li's new car number plate. So, the elderly were debating about the selection of numbers throughout that morning while at the same time, everyone was hurrying to pack and prepare to check out before the clock strikes 12.00 p.m. but still manage to take some photographs.

So, we collectively headed to Bharat Tea Shop or something and had tea. It is indeed a scenic destination. But, I appear to only enjoy the teas and strawberry cheesecake. Haha. Then, we headed to one of the Strawberry Parks, in hopes to experience plucking strawberries. Actually, one of the reasons why my aunt chose to come Cameron Highlands is because she knew I love strawberries, so she would want me to experience how to pluck them.

Misfortunate as ever, we stopped by several parks and were told that there were no more strawberries available to be plucked. Sigh..but to be frank, I weren't that disappointed. At least, my dad did bought me two boxes of strawberries. In fact, my aunt was so desperate she actually plucked a strawberry on our way to the washroom. Haha. Well, guess she's the only one who managed to pluck a strawberry after all...Haha. We finally embarked to our journey back to Ipoh.

After settling our personal belongings, we went to Restaurant Nam Khiew for dinner. There, I was occupied by my ' Kau Kong' where he kept on talking about atoms and molecules. I tried to show interest but I guess I failed. Even my aunt laughed. But, I didn't blame him-he is just proud of his son, which obtained a Ph.D in Physics.

And that was how it all ended.

Well, I wouldn't be Nicholas Chen if something unpleasant did not happen throughout the trip. I lost my handphone cover!! Then again, I'm so glad I didn't lost my handphone. Guess it's time for a new one... Haha.

In general, it was not a fun trip. Just a perfect getaway from my usual depression and lonesomeness, which is exactly what I needed.

A Long Winded Day

2009-12-17T06:41:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 17 Dec 2009 - 10.41 p.m.

Today's main agenda : Education Fair. It was initially planned that my grandmother and I would be having breakfast with my aunts which later on I would be sent to Syuen Hotel to attend the Education Fair together with Chee Hoe, Marjan and Ruben. Due to some unforeseen misunderstanding non-relevant to me, I was sent to Syuen Hotel 3 hours later. Within that period, it was anger and patience altogether. I mean I was the one who had to tag along so I have forced a smile on my face for their generosity to send me there. Well, at least I were there at the nick of time before Chee Hoe and Marjan left. Too bad I couldn't meet Ruben.

Well, I did not visit every single booth like how I would usually do since it was jam-packed! So, I have made up my mind to visit my targeted institutes namely Multimedia University and Brickfields Asia College. Thanks to Chee Hoe for getting me booklets and details from Advanced Tertiary College. With that, the three of us left to Ipoh Parade.

Too bad Chee Hoe had to leave since his mum called so Marjan and I headed to Food Court to eat our lunch which he too left because he had to reach home by 5.00 p.m. So, what I did was perambulate the mall for approximately 3 hours all by myself. Fortunately, I get to meet Debra and her friend in Popular. There, we had a decent chat on the pros and cons of choosing STPM as our tertiary program. I left Ipoh Parade around 7.00 p.m.

Then, my mum and I had to go to my aunt's house for dinner. We had short conversations regarding my future education which in a way, really scares the hell out of me. I will mention it in another post. After that, we went to the night market for more food and that concluded the end of the day.

Well there are many minor details that I could include, but I guess I'm gonna keep it short and simple this time... Haha.

Of Sayings, Quotations & Literature 5

2009-12-16T20:01:00.000-08:00

LONELINESS
by Praveen

as the sunlight slowly faded away
the city lights flickered on, one by one,
illuminating everything on the outside
and casting a shadow on the inside;

as time slowly ticked past,
the darkness inched closer and closer
spreading its shadows across the land,
my inner self comes alive;

as much as i struggle and curl underneath the blanket,
my fears come alive, and slowly engulfs me from the inside
and tears up the mask that i so successfully put on during the day;

fears that torment me from the inside during the day
comes alive as soon the light fades away and i am back into my den,
with a mind of its own, tormenting me every single night,
sometimes i wished i was dead;

surrounded by many,
yet isolated and alone,
i try to reach out to people
but succeed in grasping just empty air;

struggling to keep my sanity,
i plunge myself into darkness
for its the only place to hide
to cope with all this,
i give up and cry myself to sleep;

it’s tiresome to want something you don’t have, and each morning
i wake with loneliness by my side, each day I walk with it’s presence
in my footsteps, each night it lies hand in hand with my insomnia;

perhaps i have become invisible?
or have i become just an figment of imagination?
they cried on my shoulders and i soaked up their tears,
asking for nothing in return, but when i need someone,
where did they all go?

Truth and Consequences

2009-12-13T20:38:00.000-08:00

Mon, 14 Dec 2009 - 12.42 p.m.

Do you believe in karma? Well I believe in truth and consequences. For every measure we take, there is a corresponding consequence that brings.

That proves why I am always the well-behaved student in school. I tend to avoid arguments despite being collectively bullied verbally. I never used foul language. I tried to control my anger when getting blamed. All this is to avoid the troubles that may bring which I might end up 'losing' at the very end. I am true to myself, always have.

Until somehow and somewhere, I have no idea how I would be an attention seeker to an uncontrollable extent. Maybe he gives me a sense of security and he really opens up to me. With the joint attention I get from both him and my best friend, I guess I just wanted more and more. When things seem to show a slight change between me and him, I irrationally took bold steps and created a mass of dramatic events that literally bring unhappiness to everyone, more so to myself. At that time, I was driven to go against all odds in other to earn a distinguish spot in him. However, it never occurred to me that my actions had already contradicted with my principle.

The consequences to endure is drastic, now I can't help living with regrets..

Not only did I fail to earn a distinguish spot in him, there is now a great disparity between me and him; something that can't be mend. Perhaps he had gradually moved on. I never denied the friendship we have is genuine, just that knowing it's slipping away bit by bit really kills me. More so, when I recalled the scene where he'd promised that things would not change...

Next, my best friend. He is always there for me for around 6 consecutive years through thick and thin. I shattered this solid trust with my own bare hands. Now, I'm not sure if we are still best friends...I owe him a lot.

I would say I have received the corresponding consequences. At least we are fine now. I am truly sorry and I have learned my lessons. I start to learn to accept the truth and live with the flaws I make but why do I still experience a never-ending series of unfortunate events?

The first thing is the change of lifestyle. The happenings of certain issues revolving financial matters has caused me a change of lifestyle which I find it hard to endure at first. Then, it was during SPM where there are certain nights that I have to bare using candles to do my revision. Next, the disappointment when my family trip clashes with the INTI program. Now, I suspect I have a skin disease, ringworm...

Though they were minor things, but connecting them with my relationship turmoil, I feel that God is punishing me. To be honest, I don't admit making a mistake except neglecting my friend since all I wanted is mutual attention- something that everybody wants. But that's no longer the key question. The key question is- when would this stop? I'm not sure if I could take on anymore surprises in my life because it's literally driving me nuts. I beg you, God for mercy! Please grant me clarity for me to move on and save me from dwelling in my depression.

Sorry for a series of EMO posts lately. But, my blog is now the only faithful medium for me to express myself; share my grief and joy. Hence, I hope you could understand my ground.

Personality Disorder Quiz

2009-12-13T06:51:00.001-08:00

Personality Disorder Test Results

Paranoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Schizoid	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	38%
Schizotypal	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Antisocial	\|\|\|\|\|\|	30%
Borderline	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Histrionic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	70%
Narcissistic	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	42%
Avoidant	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Dependent	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	62%
Obsessive-Compulsive	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	54%

Take Free Personality Disorder Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

Disorder Info

1. Eccentric Personality Disorders: Paranoid, Schizoid, Schizotypal

Individuals with these disorders often appear odd or peculiar.

Paranoid Personality Disorder - individual generally tends to interpret the actions of others as threatening.

Schizoid Personality Disorder - individual generally detached from social relationships, and shows a narrow range of emotional expression in various social settings.

Schizotypal Personality Disorder - individual is uncomfortable in close relationships, has thought or perceptual distortions, and peculiarities of behavior.

2. Dramatic Personality Disorders: Antisocial, Borderline, Histrionic, and Narcissistic

Individuals with these disorders have intense, unstable emotions, distorted self-perception, and/or behavioral impulsiveness.

Antisocial Personality Disorder - individual shows a pervasive disregard for, and violation of, the rights of others.

Borderline Personality Disorder - individual shows a generalized pattern of instability in interpersonal relationships, self-image, and observable emotions, and significant impulsiveness.

Histrionic Personality Disorder - individual often displays excessive emotionality and attention seeking in various contexts. They tend to overreact to other people, and are often perceived as shallow and self-centered.

Narcissistic Personality Disorder - individual has a grandiose view of themselves, a need for admiration, and a lack of empathy that begins by early adulthood and is present in various situations. These individuals are very demanding in their relationships.

3. Anxious Personality Disorders: Avoidant, Dependent, Obsessive-Compulsive

Individuals with these disorders often appear anxious or fearful.

Avoidant Personality Disorder - individual is socially inhibited, feels inadequate, and is oversensitive to criticism

Dependent Personality Disorder - individual shows an extreme need to be taken care of that leads to fears of separation, and passive and clinging behavior.

Obsessive-Compulsive Personality Disorder - individual is preoccupied with orderliness, perfectionism, and control at the expense of flexibility, openness, and efficiency.

Personality Quiz

2009-12-13T06:33:00.000-08:00

Source : www.colorquiz.com
Free personality analysis of Nicholas Chen.
Generated on Sun, 13 Dec 2009 06:34:26 -0800

Nicholas Chen's Existing Situation

Needs excitement and constant stimulation. Willingly participates in activities that are thrilling and offer adventure.

Nicholas Chen's Stress Sources

"Feels empty and isolated from others and wishes to overcome this feeling. Believes life has more to offer him than what he was experienced thus far, and doesn't want to miss out on anything. He purses all his goals and dreams, fearful that any missed opportunity will cause him to miss out on even more. Quickly becomes an expert in any field he pursues and can sometimes come off as overbearing and nosy."

Nicholas Chen's Restrained Characteristics

Current events leave him feeling forced into compromise in order to avoid being cut off from affection or future cooperation.

Giving more than he is getting back and feels misunderstood and unappreciated. Feels he is being forced into compromising and even his close relationships leave him feeling emotional distant.

"Although he is able to find contentment through sexual activity, he feels hopeless to change his problems and difficulties and continues to make the best of what he has."

Conceited and is easily insulted. Holds back emotionally but is able to find satisfaction through sexual activity.

Nicholas Chen's Desired Objective

"Has a strong desire to contribute and influence others, but it can make him restless. He is driven by his desires and hopes. Enjoys a wide range of activities, but he may spread himself to thin taking on too much."

Nicholas Chen's Actual Problem

"Fears he will be held back from achieving things he really wants, leading him to search endlessly for satisfaction and become involved in activities which are pointless."

Nicholas Chen's Actual Problem #2

"Feeling held back and restricted from moving forward, looking for a solution that will give him more freedom and less obstacles."

Of Sayings, Quotations & Literature 4

2009-12-11T22:36:00.000-08:00

SONG OF THE BIRD

by Anthony De Mello

A man found an eagle's egg and put it in a nest of a barnyard hen. The eagle hatched with the brood of chicks and grew up with them. All his life, the eagle did what the barnyard chickens did, thinking he was a barnyard chicken. He scratched the earth for worms and insects. He clucked and cackled. And he would thrash his wings and fly a few feet in the air.

Years passed and the eagle grew very old. One day he saw a magnificent bird above him in the cloudless sky. It glided in graceful majesty among powerful wind currents, with scarcely a beat of it's strong golden wings. The old eagle looked up in awe. " Who's that? " he asked. " That's the eagle, the King of the birds, " said his neighbor. " He belongs to the sky. We belong to the earth- we're chickens. "

So eagle lived and died a chicken, for that's what he thought he was...

Personality Career Test

2009-12-11T03:07:00.000-08:00

Career Inventory Test Results

Extroversion	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	46%
Emotional Stability	\|\|\|\|\|\|	20%
Orderliness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	60%
Altruism	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	33%
Inquisitiveness	\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|\|	50%

You are a Planner, possible professions include - management consultant, economist, scientist, computer programmer, environmental planner, new business developer, curriculum designer, administrator, mathematician, psychologist, neurologist, biomedical researcher, strategic planner, civil engineer, intellectual properties attorney, designer, editor/art director, inventor, informational-graphics designer, financial planner, judge.

Take Free Career Test
personality tests by similarminds.com

5SC5 Class Gathering

2009-12-10T20:05:00.000-08:00

Fri, 11 Dec 2009 - 12.11 p.m.

Yesterday was a tiring yet fun day. Initially, it was planned that I were to join the 5SC5 class party and then the education fair at Tower Regency Hotel.

The day started out with me going to Ipoh Parade to sell my revision books alone while Chee Hoe and Marjan were at school to return their SPBT books. To my surprise, I actually earn RM 50 from selling my books. It was beyond my expectation. While waiting for Chee Hoe and Marjan to come to Ipoh Parade, I was perambulating the mall when I met Toon Chi Hong. He too was waiting for his friends who were suppose to come from school after returning their SPBT books. So, we decided to walk around aimlessly together and of course, have conversations.

Since I don't take my breakfast as usual, I got so hungry till it was unbearable but yet, Marjan and Chee Hoe had yet to arrive. So, Chi Hong and I headed to the Food Court. I bought some light bites and a cup of coffee. Soon, he left when his friends had finally arrived.

Moments later, Marjan appeared from out of nowhere with Keen Ho. I was a bit surprised since I was informed that only Chee Hoe and him would be coming to pick me up. Then, it became more awkward when I saw Toh Jun, Gideon, Alvin, Daryl and of course Chee Hoe. Right, so indirectly a group of people is actually waiting for me. Felt the struck of guiltiness.

Then, we left Ipoh Parade and headed to Secret Recipe. After buying the desired cake and waited for Ashraf to arrive, we finally reached the destination after crossing multiple roads in the scorching sun.

Restoran Simpang Tiga was not such a bad place. One by one the teachers arrived. Puan Roslinda with her two daughters who look seemingly like twins arrived with a Form 4 teacher whom I'm not sure what her name is except Nirmal calling her Mat Rempit and her loud voice when at 4SC1 , followed by Puan Nor Hamisah and Puan Komathi. There, we chatted with the teachers and with each other. Me, mostly with Keen Ho.

It was actually a very awkward plan since it's a 5SC5 class party. So, being the only 5Sc2 there is really awkward. But, everyone else seem to be okay with it and I'm really relieved. Don't get me wrong, I still like being a 5SC2. I wonder if we could have a 5SC2 class party? Even Puan Nor Hamisah questioned me. She said she thought we were close and that's actually a very thought-provoking remark.

To Joshua, if you are reading this, Puan Hamisah seemed a bit bothered that you didn't show up. Haha. She kept asking me about you, about me not informing you and how you did your Biology exam since she knows you are great in that. Did I informed you about this? Actually, I thought Puan Roslinda invited you since she said she wanted us to come along. Hmm..

Mostly, we talked about Puan Nor Hamisah getting transferred to Anderson. It's really saddening. Well, at least she will get promoted to Guru Kanan Teknik & Vokasional and that directly meant a raise in salary.

Later, Azry and Kisor arrived. Everyone seemed to enjoy the food. Well, I didn't eat of course so I ate the cake!!! I think I ate quite a lot and that made me feel absolutely guilty. In case if people didn't know, I am a genuine cake lover! Everytime when there was leftover of cakes in a special occasion, I get to takeaway. Haha. So, please don't blame me. More so, it's a Secret Recipe cake! It's finger-licking good!

Of course, there would be a note of finality before the gathering ended. Kisor thanked the teachers on behalf of everyone while the teachers bid us good luck in the future.

Before we left the restaurant, Toh Jun and I managed to have a conversation with Puan Komathi and thanks to her, it made me emotional for some brief moments. Well, at least she could relate to how I feel about leaving school life. About me, being alone from now on till University life. Really glad she could understand it and is willing to talk about. Even my friends don't understand this. So, everything ended with photo-shoots of course! Here are some pictures to feast your eyes :

Next destination : Tower Regency Hotel. Puan Hamisah is too kind to offer us a ride to the hotel. So, we board her new car. Along the way, we actually passed Anderson school. Judging from the way she expressed her thoughts about the transfer, we could tell that she really missed SMI. She did mention that her only hope for now is to meet us during Results Day. Well hopefully we could meet you there, teacher! All the best!

Together, Chee Hoe, Toh Jun and I, later Marjan and Kisor went to the Education Fair. It was a fairly small fair, I think. So, technically we just talked with each of the representatives and asked them information about our desired courses. To be frank, I never dreamt of being able to further my studies in overseas, more so Australia. Hence, I'm looking forward to education fairs that emphasizes on Malaysian universities. I believe that would be much appropriate and beneficial for me.

Overall, it was a really enjoyable day. Well it's a shame to say that I am indrectly under 'perintah bekurung' till after all my trips since my dad would be busy this few weeks, but i'll definitely 'bersosial' to the max via online. Haha. Really hope to have more outings in the near future....

Long Term Holidays

2009-12-10T01:32:00.000-08:00

Thurs, 10 Dec 2009 - 5.32 p.m.

Since there is a long holiday to spend, I have decided to make it a productive holiday unlike my previous ones. Hopefully I could occupy myself with stuff to do so that I won't end up being emotional about leaving school life and parting with my friends and finally move on.

Objectives to fulfill :

1. Plan future pathway. It's crucial to plan my future studies now. A-levels or Form 6? If A-levels or Form 6, what subjects and stream to choose? What are the expenses? Plus, I have to decide on the courses that I want to take in the future. Law? Mass Communication? Education? Psychology? Accounting? Well this is one serious aspect that I have to consider thoroughly. Hmm.. need to do research!

2. Learn driving. Well this is like a norm to everyone isn't it? It's a must thing to accomplish within this holiday. However, since my mom is overprotective of me, I suppose I couldn't drive anywhere as I wished even after passing all the test. So, I'm not gonna rush and take my own sweet time.

3. Practice personal grooming. I guess it's time for me to learn self-grooming. Despite contrary belief, I'm not really peculiar on the way I dressed or look. My look is technically long pants and t-shirts; no fancy baggy pants nor sharp-looking clothes. In fact, I never use hair gel! So I believe I should start grooming myself in a certain extent, now that I'm more mature physically and mentally. So, time to get rid of my Disney-themed T-shirts!

4. Find a job. I think I'm gonna find a job and seek working experience. Hoping to become a part-time clerk, but I know that's rather impossible. So, I'm targeting shopping malls. Hopefully, there is a suitable part time job available for me. I would take this initiative on January.

5. Learn a new skill. I have promised myself to learn a new skill, that is totally irrelevant from academic which comprises the reading aspect. So, I'm gonna pick up one new skill, most probably cooking. Don't expect to be great in it, but a basic practical application would do.

6. Learn languages. If possible, I would want to learn to read and write some Chinese. This is random I know, but it would be an awesome idea. Hope I could allocate some time for this. Meanwhile, I want to improve my English since it's still below average. Hence, I would try to read some English novels which I hope could contribute to improving my English.

As for the popular question... The plans for the holidays.... Well mine is not captivating. However, I do get to go on certain trips this month.

19 - 21 Dec :

A family and relatives trip to Cameron Highland for 3 days and 2 nights. Basically, the old will be playing mahjong and the young would be having conversations. It's been a year or two since I last met my cousins from KL. So, I'm anticipating to meet them again. Hopefully, it would turn out a fantastic trip.

22 - 23 Dec :

I am invited by Chee Hoe to participate in the INTI Youth Empowerment 2009 program at INTI's campus in Negeri Sembilan. It seems like a really awesome experience, but somehow I'm not really jumping for joy and was actually planning to opt out. However with Chee Hoe convincing me and Ruben threatened to kill me, I made up my mind to go. Hope it would be fun!

Well that's all about my objectives and plans for this holiday.

I'm extremely relieve that I don't have to carry out ' perintah berkurung daripada bersosial ' as what I have originally planned for the early days for this holiday. For those who are not my faithful followers, I actually officiated this 'perintah berkurung daripada bersosial ' because I was too upset about how things turn out between me and my friend and I would definitely need to recover during the holidays. Fortunately, things turn out pleasant between us and this ' perintah akan dibubarkan '.

Paradigm Shift

2009-12-09T00:46:00.000-08:00

Wed, 9 Dec 2009 - 4.48 p.m.

Finally SPM is over! I can officially break free from the hectic schedule of my everyday life that comprises of mainly tuition classes and waking up at 6.00 a.m. every weekdays without fail. Figuratively, it's like crossing the finish line after running miles and miles in a journey. Though it may not be victorious run as I yearned for, but at least I made it to the finish line. Plus, I still have hopes that somehow or rather I didn't really do as bad as I thought I did. Well, I'm anticipating for the results.

However, that marks the end of school life too. Words can't express how much I missed it. I'm sorry for being such a pessimist and show a facade of depression every single time people meet me, it's just that I really really missed it! Now that school is over, I felt like I'm back to where I've first started off : I'm back to being alone again like my old days.

I have no idea how nor when I'm so afraid of being alone. Being an only child, I always thought I could handle lonesomeness. But, I guess Upper Secondary life really changed me drastically. I could feel the warmth when friends care for me. I could feel the bliss when my friends joke around with me. I feel appreciated when my friends would share their joy and grief with me. All this was never apparent when I was at Lower Secondary. I guess I have really gotten off my shell and has less fear to mingle around with people. This is priceless...

Now, I have to helplessly watch it slip away from my hands. It's just so hard to accept the truth; changes in life with the passing of time.... I could remember Ngam once told me to forget about the 'past' since it has past and I know he is absolutely right. Maybe when time goes on, it would ease the pain and I could learn to move on like how everyone should. Like what Monil said, ' I'm gonna keep my friends and grab a more in the future'. Hopefully I could follow suit. I must not dwell in the same mistake I did previously that brings a whole lot of dramatic occurrences. Dalai Lama once said, ' When you lose, do not lose the lesson'. I'm gonna keep that in mind and shape myself to become a not-so complicated personality. I'm ready for a paradigm shift!

Above all that, there are indeed many pleasant memories with my friends to be cherished especially with my fellow classmates. If I were of any nuisance to you guys, I sincerely apologize. Hope you guys could 'forgive and forget'... Haha. I'm not sure if there is such a thing called ' Friends Forever' but as for now, hope we could be friends at heart for as long as possible.

Do chat with me on MSN or Facebook and even via SMS.

Take care everyone. All the best in your future undertakings!